To wonder how people find the time to do so much with their dc?

[dairymilkmonster]

I have two ds, aged 7 and 3. DH works full time (usually long days a week plus some on-call) and I work part time (3 days plus some on call). Not exactly unusual.

It feels like everyone in the real world, and on here, seems to do so much with their dc. Be it after school activities, weekend activities/days out/trips, playing with them, general stuff at home (games, crafts whatever).

Where do people find the time? Especially during the week? Or is this another untrue belief I have come too based on chat, social media and reading mumsnet?

I find on the two days I collect the kids, we get home from school at 4.30 (finish 3.45 at school then collect from preschool en route back). DC disappear to play, generally rejecting doing a nice activity with me. We do a little homework/music practise at some point if there is any (10mins). I do try to suggest or do something together. Their screentime starts at 5.30 til dinner at 6.30ish. This is primarily to allow me to cook, do packed lunches etc. Then bath, stories, bed by 8. On the other 3 days of the week I get back around 6pm, dc have been picked up by our after school nanny. Same routine after that.
Ds1 does one after school club a week, ending 5pm, home 5.15ish.
Ds1 does swimming lesson on sundays.

Clearly we have more time at weekends, but even then I don't seem to achieve nearly as much as everyone else. We frequently have jobs that need doing, like going to homebase or getting some shopping or something. I already do the food shop online weekly.

Tips?
Or just accept my lot?

I know if I didn't work then I would have more time, especially in the school holidays. Problem is dh and I are both doctors, and after almost 20yrs of hard slog, I am not up for throwing in the towel. Plus I would go mad and would have to admit I am not a natural mother.

The thing about social media, mumsnet, schoolyard tales, etc is that they're often edited to make things sound nicer than they actually are. The grass is often greener on that side of the fence because it's fertilised with bullshit.

It's just people spending their time differently. Your kids have an hour of play then an hour of screen time in the evening, sometimes we do that, sometimes we use that time to do am activity instead.

But it isn't a competition, just do whatever suits your family best.

My husband and I both work full time and do bugger all with our son during the week other than get his breakfast, take him to school, bath him and put him to bed. At the weekend we do fun stuff.

He knows he’s loved and cared for and that’s all that counts. Don’t compare yourself to others. You’re doing your best and I’m sure your kids love you very much for it

I have one DC who will happily go to every class and activity, currently does four activities a week and I'm subtly hinting that one or even two should be dropped in the new year. It costs too much in time, especially those days when we get home from school at 4pm, have to be back out the door at 4.15, and won't get home until 6pm.

My other DC refuse to do activities or are too young for activities which suits me fine right now.

Board games and crafts are a dangerous affair. Other people may enjoy making things with their DC, personally I get twitchy and have to resist the urge to say "for god's sake, just let me do it!".

There's no need to do loads of activities, crafts, games, etc especially if they're busy Monday to Friday with school and childcare. My DC, when asked, much prefer a lazy weekend spent slobbing around the house, going for walks at the nature reserve, watching movies, and chatting.

All the little bits of time add up, we get in by 4 so we’ve scraped in a bit more time than you. All my kids various clubs are at school. Music teacher comes to us. Swimming they’re all on the same day at almost same time. Arts and crafts and stuff my kids have a sort of area (it’s a bloody tip) that they can use without limitation for cutting and sticking and painting so tend to do it more without me really encouraging or even getting involved. Mine have no screen time so that hour is kept for other stuff. I don’t think everyone has got it all together. Some of us are unfortunate enough to be surrounded by people who are pretending that everything’s easy and always under control. It’s stressful for everyone I think, the work life balance. Yours are still pretty small so will feel a bit endless and like you never get off the wheel of doing - without feeling like you’ve ‘done’ much. I bet they’re happy? They seem to have a nice little set up of play and time with their parents. Sounds good to me!

We do as much practical stuff as we can during the week so that the weekends are mostly spent together. So housework, food shop, washing, ironing, trips to B&Q etc are never done at weekends, even if it means not sitting down til 9pm during the week. Makes our weekends much more relaxing and I can usually squeeze in some time by myself if I’m lucky

If this works for you and your children are happy then don't look to see what others are doing Also doing things with your children does not just mean playing,entertaining them.They will even benefit from trips to homebase one day.

We all shuffle our time round. I leave school at 4, pick up the kids and usually have an after school activity before or after dinner.

My slow cooker is on at least once a week. I set it on low when I leave at 6:45am. Saves cooking time. Batch cooking, save another night when you defrost!

But.....once kids are in bed at 8pm I start working again most nights.

I have to use my "day off" to do all the housework and jobs.

This means we just about get weekends where we have some family time on Sundays.

It private looks like we have lots of time but tbh it's just differently organised. And frantic most weeks too.

My DC's infants finished at 3, so they could do an ASC (at school) and we'd still be home before your time of 4.30. In fact, other than swimming, we just stuck to school clubs until they got to junior age.

If we went to the park we'd go on the way home (no chance of getting out again once we'd got home).

DD loved craft so we had a permanent craft table out, and she'd just make something most days.

The DC would often help me when I cooked.

So potentially lots of things done with very little effort on my part.

I have time because:

1. I only work during school hours
2. School is a five minute walk away
3. Activities are all in the same town and I have a car
4. We don't do daily baths.

Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. AT 7 & 3 they don't need that many activities anyway. I always feel a but sorry for kids who do loads of activities and never get a chance for any down time. I work 3 days a week so DD is in childcare from 7.30-18.30 those days.
On the other two week days she goes to an after school football club until 4.15 on one day and on the other day we might go to the park in warm weather but mostly we come home and she plays or puts the TV on until tea time or we'll have a chat while I do dinner.
Weekends have no planned activities but we sometimes visit family or go swimming or to the cinema. Most weekends we just play it by ear though and I'll normally just let DD suggest something to do like playing shops or schools or junk modelling. Time together doesn't have to be structured to be fun.

p.s. obviously if you are parent whose child does loads of activities and they love it that's great too there is no right way.

Well, the flip side is that you do shed loads with your DC and constantly feel guilty that their time is over-structured and they are knackered.

DH and I both work full time (senior teachers). DS comes home from school 1x 6pm, 2x 5pm 2x 4.30pm.

On top of that he does 5 hours of activity A and at least 3hrs of activity B each week. Both A and B also have occasional weekend and holiday 'camps' when he does them all day. Plus homework etc.

He's bloody good at A and getting good at B, but he's often tired and none of us get much down time.

You just can't win can you?

You 'feel sorry for kids who do too many activities' but at least one of your kids is in nursery for nearly 12 hours a day for 3 days a week. Thats kinda similar!

We don't do many activities during the week.

DH picks up DS at 3.15pm from school - it's right next to a park so if the weather is dry they will play on the park for a bit.

Then it's home and DS will play/chat with DH or on his own depending on what he wants to do.

I get home between 4.30pm and 5pm most nights so usually it's then sorting dinner, doing DS bath/reading practice/story and bed. He loves bath and reading practice so I make this special time with him.

At weekend, he does a drama class in a Saturday and a swimming lesson on a Sunday. In between we do different things depending on what's on. We generally visit my Nan, maybe go to sort play or a party if he has an invite. This week is the local lights switch on so will go to that.

Sometimes we do lots sometimes less and I guess it will be similar for everyone .

DS and me do the same activity at the same class tues, thurs and fri so works pretty well. Monday is homework night.

It really isn’t necessary to do loads of activities with your children, my DS did quite a lot after school but for two main reasons - he is an only child so I was keen to encourage him to mix with other children and as a SAHM I had the time (& energy) to take him to activities after school. And actually a third reason DH loved doing sporting stuff at weekends with our DS, he was a rugby coach so DS was dragged along to rugby every week. Also we were both big in Scouting so it was very easy to get DS involved in that and we are used to lots of ‘organising’.

I am sure if we had been Doctors there is no way we would have been rushing round in the evenings. As a SAHM with a school age child I spent quite a lot of time relaxing whilst working parents were at work. .

I really think it’s a question of preferences and priorities. I have a friend who is genuinely out doing something every weekend, evening and virtually every day in the school holidays. She is very sociable and it obviously suits her family.

I sometimes envy her, then when I’m at her house I realise that what has given way to accommodate all the activities is any sense of order at home! A chaotic home doesn’t bother her, and that’s fine. But it would drive me mad and I prefer to spend more of my time at home catching up on housework so I can relax. My DCs are teenagers now so do their own thing anyway but neither they or DH and I would enjoy back to back activities.

Your dc are very young yet. It starts getting more once they get to about 8.
You could take them to more activities if that is what you wanted - an hour to play then an hour's screen time is a lot of free time - your family chooses to use it in the house, others out the house. It isn't a competition.
My dc used to do things as after school activities - football, choir etc, as I couldn't collect them as early as you do, but they enjoyed structured things rather than just hanging out.

We are exactly the same set up, down to the working hours and children’s ages, evenings and weekends sound very similar to yours (although we spend half our free time at kids’ parties) so you’re definitely not alone! X

It sounds lovely to me. I also work 3 days a week and children are similar ages to yours. Mine do quite a lot BUT wherever possible they are school clubs, ideally on Wed-Fri which are the days they're in after-school club anyway. Or lunchtimes. Eldest does scouting and we time it so it's on her way back from ASC to minimise journeys.
They both do swimming once a week and that is my hideous night where I feel stressed and exhausted, but it's worth it (I think...?). I love the day when I'm not working and we head straight home and flop!

Our dc fit in round us on free time so weekends are walking the dogs, nipping to the diy shop, tidying their rooms, helping cook dinner. They do various sports during the week and sometimes I use the slo cooker so I don't have to cook as such.

They do enough drawing and activities at school I don't think they want to cone home and do it again - I certainly don't come home and do sums and budgets when I'm not working:)

I do plan some days out, but it's a treat. They get involved in picking what to do. I'm not entertainments director as well! Otherwise they read a lot and get bored then find something to do on their own.

So I suppose my tips (if you WANT them to do more and they do as well) would be to try to get activities linked to school, either at lunchtime or after-school. Outsource cleaning and shopping. If children are in an activity at another time, try to get it close (in time/geography) to another activity e.g. straight after school pickup to minimise journeys and avoid going to and fro too much. Also if they can do anything together that's even better! Even if it's a class where they are separated by age/ability but that runs one after another.

That's if you/they want to do more. But otherwise relax and enjoy spending time together.

I teach h part time so have more 'free' time than I did previously (full time in finance). It means the DC get me from 4pm each day and at weekends and school holidays, though once they're in bed I'm usually sat doing an extra few hours catching up. We're out most weekends because the DC enjoy stuff like castles and theme parks, plus we have a dog so we're usually out on bike rides a few nights a week with her.

We don't bath them nightly - they shower most mornings so that cuts out any sort of night time shenanigans, and the clubs they've attended over the years we've tended to car share with friends they've met so we're not frantically driving them all over the place.

Social media encourages comparison and competition, neither of which serve a parent well. Do what works for you and let others get on with their lives.

We don’t do loads during the week. I pick them up at 3.20pm. The school is right near the park so we go there 2-3 times a week if it a sunny, dry day. They play at home - usually by themselves or sometimes a board game- do a bit of homework, then have an hour or so of telly. We have tea 6ish. Then bath, stories and bed. They go to a drama class once a week after to and to my parents’ for tea once a week. At the weekends they swim on a Saturday morning. That’s usually our day for jobs/ pottering at home - although we might also fit in the park or a local soft play. Sunday’s we’ll try and go at as a family - to a National Trust type place or out for Sunday lunch.