To wonder how people find the time to do so much with their dc?

[dairymilkmonster]

I have two ds, aged 7 and 3. DH works full time (usually long days a week plus some on-call) and I work part time (3 days plus some on call). Not exactly unusual.

It feels like everyone in the real world, and on here, seems to do so much with their dc. Be it after school activities, weekend activities/days out/trips, playing with them, general stuff at home (games, crafts whatever).

Where do people find the time? Especially during the week? Or is this another untrue belief I have come too based on chat, social media and reading mumsnet?

I find on the two days I collect the kids, we get home from school at 4.30 (finish 3.45 at school then collect from preschool en route back). DC disappear to play, generally rejecting doing a nice activity with me. We do a little homework/music practise at some point if there is any (10mins). I do try to suggest or do something together. Their screentime starts at 5.30 til dinner at 6.30ish. This is primarily to allow me to cook, do packed lunches etc. Then bath, stories, bed by 8. On the other 3 days of the week I get back around 6pm, dc have been picked up by our after school nanny. Same routine after that.
Ds1 does one after school club a week, ending 5pm, home 5.15ish.
Ds1 does swimming lesson on sundays.

Clearly we have more time at weekends, but even then I don't seem to achieve nearly as much as everyone else. We frequently have jobs that need doing, like going to homebase or getting some shopping or something. I already do the food shop online weekly.

Tips?
Or just accept my lot?

I know if I didn't work then I would have more time, especially in the school holidays. Problem is dh and I are both doctors, and after almost 20yrs of hard slog, I am not up for throwing in the towel. Plus I would go mad and would have to admit I am not a natural mother.

We limit the activities. They have Monday Tuesday and Thursday activities plus swimming in Saturday. GPS take them to the weekday ones. There is no more time for anything else.

It's just different circumstances OP

I took dc to lots of activities and was able to give them lots of opportunities as I was a sahm and school was a 10 min walk away.
My dh was at home alot too.
You are doing plenty considering you are both working and as the dc get older they will find more activities to try. Once they become good at something then they start to do more.
We found this with sport dance music.

We do a lot (swim club, long walks at the qeekends, national trust.)

School finishes 3/3.10 and we live 10mins away so today i made gingerbread with one child while the other did gymnastics at school. Still had time for music practice before tea at 5.30 and telly after simply as our day after school started at 3.10!

We purposely chose the local school partly for the time it gave us. I do love our balance most of the time.

However..... it can only be done as Im not working very much and it has its downsides. We dont do exciting holidays/have a good car / have a very small house in undesirable area etc.

You really cant have it all. Presumably they are either doing activities or having playtime/downtime with the afterschool nanny so they do get to do these things?

And finances will mean you can do the really interesting holiday clubs. The stem ones or drama in a week etc. And pay for a decent music teacher..... swings and roundabouts.

You 'feel sorry for kids who do too many activities' but at least one of your kids is in nursery for nearly 12 hours a day for 3 days a week. Thats kinda similar!
Actually she’s in wrap around care before and after school with a childminder but don’t let the facts get in the way of your assumptions

I am jealous your 3yr old will disappear and entertain himself for an hour or more!!

My 5yr old hangs out with me from when I pick him up through dinner till bathtime.
We do lots at weekends - again he doesn’t do a lot of disappearing off to do his own thing. He will play lego for ages but always in the same room as dh or I.

Sorry for my ignorance but what is wrap around care

Thanks folks. I feel a bit better from reading the constructive replies.
I think comparing is probably what is leading me to feel a bit rubbish.

i spend 24 hours with my kids and my partner

they are home educated and are disabled so us adults(me and their dad)are official cares so don't work in a paying job(we are on call 24 hours though)

as a family of 4 we do everything together
shopping
holidays monthly
activities
day trips
cinema 3-4 times a week
anything really

im also still co sleeping with the youngest so dont even get the night to my self as he doesn't sleep

I work 42 hours minimum a week (usually closer to 50), including one late night til 9pm. DH works 39 hours a week and has a night class one night.

DD (7) goes to three activities a week, and that is managed through serious compromise and sheer effort!

Tuesday is karate at 6.30pm. DH picks DD up from the childminder at 5pm. I get home at 5.30pm. Tuesday dinner is always cooked on a Sunday afternoon, and reheated for me arriving home. DD then changes and we leave at 6.15pm. Home at 8pm, snack and bed. Thursday DH picks DD up just before 5pm, makes her a sandwich etc whilst she gets changed, drops her off at Brownies at 5.30pm. I pick her up at 7pm. On that day I have an hour commute, so I get her on my way home.

She has a class at 9am Saturday. This the killer, but we do it.

We don't stop, but we fit it all in. It works for us. DD is an only, so it's nice for her to have activities with other children.

My kids aren’t really into crafts but we play at least one board game a day and more at the weekends. We all love board games and have 100s and I think they’re really good for kids development and connecting as a family.
We also don’t do nightly baths which frees up more time and I get my kids to get all of their homework out of the way at the weekend so they don’t have that to do each night. I’m also much more strict with screen time.
As for days out we do tend to do something most weekends - either the park, cinema, museum or meeting friends/family. And the kids will come shopping with me either on the way home from school or at the weekend.

wrap around care is just a name for care before and after school. So it means I drop DD to the CM in the morning and she gives her breakfast and takes her to school then the CM picks up DD up from school gives her dinner and I collect her after work.

Ps I’ve been really fortunate to find a great CM who has looked after DD for over 7 years now so it really is a home from home.

Mine are older but aside from insane OTT baby groups when they were tiny I haven't done many activities as others. Quality not quantity at home I reckon, stay sane. If they love a certain activity or club or sport then brilliant but if not pick your battles and don't force yourselves.

I've never crammed in that many mumsy activities, more worked around where we are and what fits. There's paper and pens and glue and printers, games and recipe books and cupcake cases in the house etc. but they're there to be used when the mood takes us not as a designated thing to be done at X time.

I agree they're really stimulated at school or nursery so they should be allowed to relax at home just like we like to!

Yesterday e.g. eldest had theatre club at school and youngest was swimming with school during the day. We had a nice chat on the way home and I played a bit of Lego with youngest as I read a bedtime story. We have First News and sometimes I'll read them bits when they're in the bath.
With my eldest it was tackling a gnarly homework together and letting him download in the dark whilst I stroked his back. Other than that they were pottering or on screens or playing together. That's the same as most nights.

At the weekend we will always go out but it's mostly a walk to the woods or the supermarket. A treat will be the cinema or swimming or a five guys burger or wagamamas.

I’ve managed to sort my hours at work so that I can do all the school runs, and I just pick up the extra work when the children are in bed.

We have one day after school where they don’t have any activities, but we might sometimes have a friend round then. One day when they both swim. Then they each do 2 activities of their choice. DD does dance on tuesdays and drama on Saturdays, so I get 1:1 time with her brother then (if he wants it, sometimes he plays with a friend). DS does beavers on wednesdays and gymnastics on Fridays, so I get 1:1 time with DD then (normally involves being made to play barbies with her). They get some tv time in the mornings and then a bit more in the evenings, but I wouldn’t want them watching loads. They still seem to find plenty of time to play.
Baking/ crafts we don’t do that often, but that’s more because I am hopeless at them .

Each family is different, both in what choices they have and in how they like to spend their time. There’s not a lot of point comparing. My two love being busy, and I tend to cook v simple “bung in the oven” meals to accommodate that. And I pay for a cleaner so I don’t have to spend our time together doing housework. The downside of my arrangement is I don’t really get any time to myself as I am working for several hours nearly every evening once the children are in bed.

OP do you mean structured activities or just doing fun things? At least once a fortnight I collect my children from school and we jump on a train or bus (we’re v near London) and go to the zoo/museum/gallery/wander. We take a packed supper (zero effort!) or have dinner out. Home by 7pm for bath and bed.
Or we get home and start a Lego/craft etc project.

We don’t have much tv time during the week because we’re too busy. They very rarely ask for it.

Or in the summer we just head out on scooters and bikes and go to a local park or to do errands but on the bikes (posting letters, buying milk, nothing terribly exciting!).

I did too many structures activities with DC1 and now they just do things they enjoy and that I think are important - swimming and music.

We both work ft. Dds go to Brownies, and that’s straight after ASC in the school hall, so they walk up together. Dd2 goes to karate and choir after which are held at school during ASC time. Dd1 goes horse riding on a Sunday.

We are quite lucky dds school holds these activities. Otherwise, they’d have to wait the weekend. Most activities in our town are held straight after school finishes at 3.30, so things are at 4/5pm, which we wouldn’t be able to get to.

Thanks everyone. It sounds like there is real variation. I talked to ds1 last night to get a feel if he feels he would like to do more activities - answer is no. I think I knew this really as he could do more afterschool clubs but has chosen not to. He already does various activities in schooltime - judo, a string orchestra, coding club.

@splashingaroundtown - I think I mean anything really - either structured activities or fun stuff.

I know some other people's work situations mean they are less exhausted and perhaps more available for lots of structured activities or day trips at weekends. We do always go out at weekends, just not always child activity focussed. I think I wish i were better at relaxing and playing with them (doing whatever really) at home.

Personally I think the 1hr max screentime is a bit too much, but the plus side is they never ask for extra. They don't always get/want all of it. DS1 likes watching historical documentaries I record for him some days, but sadly ds2 (too little for the documentaries) really just wants to watch octonauts on a loop!

I stopped working. DH & I both working long hours was not family friendly and had more social costs than the benefits of working. DS1 hated being first to last at wrap around care every day, and the school venue was quite cramped with little chance to rest.

My DCs (7&5) do a lot, but all except swimming is pretty much on the doorstep at school/ community facilities a 5 minute walk away. If it was all like the 2+ hours taken up by traveling, changing and back to back lessons on swimming night, they would do a lot less.

Mine are fans of chilling and doing their own thing. They've never been craft/ bake with mummy types. Getting them out to the likes of Beavers and Karate saves them from unruly fighting and bickering at home

They are night owls so we have longer in the evening, but we don't have to be out of the house until 8:50am so that makes evenings easier and they still get a decent amount of sleep.

Different set ups work for different families.

Is he at private school? Coding, judo and orchestra sound like fab clubs! And the sort of thing those of us taking their kids to activities would dp - so hes getting the benefit of doing clubs but in school hours.

Medic and academic parents here. With not dissimilar hours. And the kids are 7 and 2. We try and do ALL housework including packed lunches after they are in bed (and we are pretty firm on bedtimes). I batch cook as does DH (I prefer my cooking!) including at night on Sunday so I don’t waste time cooking too much in the week. This will then reduce the hour’s screen time and allow them to play with you.
We have a Cleaner and shop online.
I try and make sure that as many of the chores are done on Fridays as possible so Saturday and Sunday can be downtime. Yes we do have the ‘go to HomeBase’ type of things but we try and do that all in one go so there is at least a whole day for kids.
We don’t have play dates during the week.
DS1 does music (v v v seriously so practice is 60 mins+ daily) and a little swimming. DS2 goes to nursery and needs no further entertainment than chasing his brother around the house. We live in London so finding stuff to do is not hard. For the weekends we tend to have one day at home (when we do any DIY/chores) and one day spent out of the house.
We also take the kids to the park a lot.
I hate having to do chores once they are in bed or on a Friday evening but it makes both of us better parents on a Saturday morning so we grit our teeth and get on with it.

We try and take time off in half term or whatever (although DH hasn’t taken time off in ages and will be working over Xmas) and do short day trips. We keep them manageable. We sometimes do weekend play dates when DH is on call.
Also, we simplify things when we can. So one day (the same day, Thursday) is pizza day. One day is pasta day. One day is for fajitas. One day for curry and rice etc.

I never wanted to be one of these families who always have activities every day of the week. Alas there are 5 of us and we ALL have activities so we now have just 1 day free.

We get home from school around 3.30pm and straight into homework which takes around 15 minutes to half an hour depending what they have. The kids can then go and do what they want.

Clubs wise

Monday's: dh and 2 kids kickboxing
Tuesdsy: nothing
Wednesdsy: dd2 rainbows, DH jujitsu
Thursday: me and dd1 karate
Friday: me karate
Saturday: dd1 & dd2 stage school
Sunday: dd1 and me karate

With stage school we have various performances at weekends as well and with karate we have gradings and things 4 times a year at weekends too. Id say until school holidays our weeks are booked solid.

We don't tend to do much craft wise, the kids drawers incessantly anyway.

Don’t believe everything you read on SM/MN. For a number of years we managed on only some bedtime stories after a full day at work, prepoing dinner, bedtime etc. Weekends were rushing around doing stuff etc and Sunday was Church and then ‘Family time’ in the afternoon. It usually involved a park visit, tea at Grannies and the occasional trip to the seaside for an ice-cream. It’s life.

There's a hell of a lot of competitive parenting going on these days. You don't have to do constant activities with young children. If any thing you're rushing around trying to squeeze it all in around work and school and causing yourself more stress and ending up spending less quality time with them. I personally don't get the need for so many structured activities. Quality time is what matters in my world. We do simple stuff (OK mine are very young) make jigsaws. Go in the garden. Play with kinetic sand and play doh. Parks walks train journeys. I mane sure I engage with them in these activities rather than just leave them to it. Because sometimes (what people don't tell you on Facebook but everybody does) they're taken food shopping , to argos, b&q etc too. All that boring stuff that adults have to do. Clubs and activities are great but think carefully why you're a tualku doing it? Because you think your son or daughter would gain lots from it? Or to keep up with the Jones's. Many do it for the latter these days I'm sure. Quality time means more whatever it is you're doing. Social media is honestly full of exaggerations. Sounds like you're doing more than enough