To wonder how people find the time to do so much with their dc?

[dairymilkmonster]

I have two ds, aged 7 and 3. DH works full time (usually long days a week plus some on-call) and I work part time (3 days plus some on call). Not exactly unusual.

It feels like everyone in the real world, and on here, seems to do so much with their dc. Be it after school activities, weekend activities/days out/trips, playing with them, general stuff at home (games, crafts whatever).

Where do people find the time? Especially during the week? Or is this another untrue belief I have come too based on chat, social media and reading mumsnet?

I find on the two days I collect the kids, we get home from school at 4.30 (finish 3.45 at school then collect from preschool en route back). DC disappear to play, generally rejecting doing a nice activity with me. We do a little homework/music practise at some point if there is any (10mins). I do try to suggest or do something together. Their screentime starts at 5.30 til dinner at 6.30ish. This is primarily to allow me to cook, do packed lunches etc. Then bath, stories, bed by 8. On the other 3 days of the week I get back around 6pm, dc have been picked up by our after school nanny. Same routine after that.
Ds1 does one after school club a week, ending 5pm, home 5.15ish.
Ds1 does swimming lesson on sundays.

Clearly we have more time at weekends, but even then I don't seem to achieve nearly as much as everyone else. We frequently have jobs that need doing, like going to homebase or getting some shopping or something. I already do the food shop online weekly.

Tips?
Or just accept my lot?

I know if I didn't work then I would have more time, especially in the school holidays. Problem is dh and I are both doctors, and after almost 20yrs of hard slog, I am not up for throwing in the towel. Plus I would go mad and would have to admit I am not a natural mother.

Excuse the typos

it is all down to free time and priorities. i have my kids 4 days a week and work full time. i do my house work on my days off but as the kids are not at home when i'm not at work the house stays clean

i do half the washing as they are at their dads some days (2 loads a week)

we meal prep as a family on a sunday and i clean while they play.

our priorities are excersize

every day i go to my gym and they do a club (2 dds 7 &9)

They clean and tidy their own rooms, make their own breakfast and pull their weight as they want my free time to do things like play board games (so they know the importance of helping)

i don't iron. i have energy and enthusiasm for them constantly as i get 3 days without them a week so i miss them and believe this has given me a higher appreciation on them

i'm trying to teach them how to cook so the food shop we do as a family activity and it is actually fun, as is cooking.

it is knackering but i make them come to my gym once a week sto appreciate what i do for them when i ferry them about, plus ive no childcare and i see the gym as an essential part of the day

I wonder if this 'doing things with your kids' is quite modern. When I was a kid (70's /80's) you did things with your friends. Sometimes I did things with Dad - going on a bike ride in the country, but often a friend would come with me. Or we would go up a local hill as a family or take my friends too. Once a year a trip to Alton towers. I guess my Dad, when we were very little, would join in our games sometimes. But largely my parents were the background and time with my friends is how I mostly spent my time..

Everyone does it differently but personally I've found that stopping screen time during the week helped with their moods and gave us more time for other things. We both work FT. I take the kids to school for 8.45am. Before school they usually have some time to play together or do homework. They get picked up at 6pm by DH on 4 days. On Fridays they get picked up at 3.15pm. I'm home at 6pm 2 days and 7pm the other 3. They have various activities during the week: brownies for the older DD 1 evening, swimming for both DD another evening, drama for both again on another evening. On Saturdays they go to a language school to practice my mother tongue and play with other bilingual kids and in the afternoon they have a dance class and music class linked to my DH's culture. So it is full on but it feels right. We have time to read in the evening, play/do homework in the mornings, we do things in between activities on Saturdays like eating out etc and some Saturdays are free of course and then Sunday we can do what we like!

Bin screen time once a week. Cook some ready meals for dinner instead of making it. Get the kids to help make their own lunches and make funky shaped sandwiches etc

Craft stuff takes half an hour. We turned all screens off today and did some colouring (or rather DS spent 15 minutes scribbling across the table 😁)

LP here, I do it by not having a life . I work full time hours but have a special arrangement with work whereby I make them up over 7 days around DD. I do very minimal housework - and most people wouldn't cope with the state of my house, but it means less pressure and hardly anyone comes to visit it's noone else's issue really.

Time I get with DD as a result - hour before work / 2 hours after work except one day when she has a club. All weekend dawn to dusk except one hour for a club.

Things aren't perfect, I really don't see anyone outside of work - I have had one adult conversation in the past 2-3 months that was social and even that was mainly about parenthood.

Oh and the time with DD is mainly in the house, going to the park etc - reading, scootering. Simple activities and not requiring a high cost, as we have no money.

Not just you. I have two DC and on mat leave and still don't get the time to do loads of activities...And I think it seems worse in winter,it's not like you can go off to the park in the dark.

3 twelve hour days of wrap around care is still quite simulating though for a wee one, which is fine, but not a great deal different to kids who do lots of activities.

If the school didn't offer after school clubs we'd really struggle for organized activities as we both work FT albeit with some flexibility in start/finish times. They both have two activities a week straight after normal school, swimming class one evening each week then most weekends DH takes them for a swim, sometimes a bike ride.

Some weekends we do treat type things like cinema, mini golf, zoo, museum, occasionally a show. It's certainly not every weekend, probably more one in three. Like Op, all activities at weekends aren't necessarily child focused.

I can't say we do lots of craft type stuff or baking etc during the week as we're tight for time after getting home in the evenings. Usually they either help a bit with dinner or they'll do things at the table either before or after dinner with us dipping in or chatting while they do it.

I think they have a reasonable mix of activities/outings and downtime. It's more than some and less than others but it seems to work for us.

My two didn’t go to a single organised club or out of school activity - neither of them was interested in Brownies etc.
I was also a hospital doctor and a single parent, widowed when the kids were babies, so I had to cram all the housework, shopping and diy in around my work. We lived 10 miles from the nearest shops, so I had to plan to do a week’s food shop in one trip each Saturday morning.
However, this was before mobile phones or “screens”, although we did get a computer and therefore some educational games when they were about six.
I played loads of board games with them, read a book every night at bedtime, made sure they had lots of paint, crayons, craft stuff, and took them out every weekend either up the hills, to the beach or to a fun place like the zoo, swimming pool, castles or wildlife parks. While I was out at work, the nanny was good at making sure they had a daily walk and lots of activities while they were preschool age.
All families find their own mix of activities, OP. Yours are no worse than anyone else’s, and you can only do what will fit into the available spare time. Don’t beat yourself up with comparisons to others’ edited accounts on social media! I’m sure your kids will turn out fine.

I have time because I only work when the kids are in school so can take them to activities ( we don't do loads 2 a week plus swimming at weekend) or stay in and relax/ do homework/ craft/ bake/ have friends over for tea etc. I decided to drop my hours after really struggling when my oldest started school. I felt like I was trying to spin plates and wasn't getting to see her and I was miserable. The work life balance is a lot better now and I am much happier.

Do what is right for you. Sounds like you have a good work life balance working part time.

Your dc1 sounds like he is doing plenty. Dc2 is perhaps a bit young to be concerned? He will need 'down time' and he is getting it. Personally I would try to see the bath time and story time as two additional activities that you or dp are doing with them (already). A sense of fun/playfulness is important and can be the first thing to feel lost when things are pressured. Being playful can happen in simple, daily activities. But if you are looking for a quick easy game to fit in how about Dobble or Uno at the table after tea occasionally?

Social media gives you the shiny stuff, often staged or contrived. They edit out the shit stuff. So don't you worry, you are doing just fine, I'm sure.

My 12yo goes to gymnastics 2hrs on a monday eve but that’s it. My 9yo isn’t interested in clubs, she enjoys chilling out at home and reading etc.

That suits me. I get home 6.30 some evenings so last thing I’d want is to be heading out again. I live rurally so would need to add a 20/30 min commute to town (one way) too.

Don't stress it OP!
As long as your kids are happy then whatever works for you I say
I run a business from home so work every day but I try and fit it round the kids as much as possible
I'm divorced from their father so they're at his house twice a week and alternate weekends but because of his hours they go to an after school club on his nights and he picks them up about 6 - these nights for them it's literally back to his, dinner, bath bed
I pick up twice a week, one of those nights my eldest does brownies so it's home, tea, drop her there, clear up/ wash up/ prepare for the next day, pick her up then bedtime
The other night my youngest does football so again it's straight there, quick tea and bath/ bed
I try to fit in time for homework if necessary plus we always read together before bed but other than that, that's about it during the week!
Weekends we usually do something but it's more often than not just out dog walking somewhere as we need to fit that in too!
They both have swimming lessons on Sunday's
We play the odd board game, do an occasional craft activity or something but usually they're more bothered about playing with the dog than me!

My kids have just started school after being home educated (they're 8 and 6) and most days they still have a shed load of energy from sitting still more than they're used to. We only live a 3 minute walk from school and have a big garden so I tend to boot them out there to run/bounce it off for a while. Once they're in they tend to make something at the table, put music on for a dance or watch TV. I us d to be stricter on TV us but now they're at school I feel like the pressure is off me a bit so they can chill when they're here. We only do baths a few days a week, school gives very little homework and only for the 8 yr old so we have loads of time really.

One child rides after school, then they both do beavers/cubs. Since starting school I've cut right back on the extras they do or we would never be at home.

At weekends one does a gym class, and they both want to start park run. Other than that we try to have one day where jobs get done (DH works away in the week and we have a bit of a 'project house') and one day where we go for a long walk, have a roast etc.

We frequently have jobs that need doing, like going to homebase or getting some shopping or something

If you're genuinely looking for tips, then this is the obvious place, you're a two parent family, and going to homebase only needs one adult, the rest of the family can be doing an activity.

The main place that most 7 year olds will be doing their in week activities though is in the evening, but there's no need to do an activity if you don't want to.

Your schedule sounds totally normal. I know a few people who really go mad on the after school activities and their kids rarely have any time at home to play. In one case the school has been practically begging them to cut back as the kids are exhausted. All the evidence I've seen says kids need time at home to play independently and are generally over scheduled. If you want to spend more time together I'd plan a simple outing every weekend to the local park or similar where you can spend time together.

@sirfred - going to homebase etc is part of normal life and the real world. I don't think it does children any favours to be permanently avoiding everyday life.

Are mine the only kids that frikking love a trip to B&Q and the like?

I think it sounds perfect, your children go home and play. Have a nice routine. Sounds nice and calm and to me normal, no rushing around, what I think children like

Sirfred.
Taking kids to places like homebase are fine!!! They dont need "entertaining" all the time and life skills are fab. Perhaps that is part of the problem, the feeling peoplw dont have lota of time with their children so it has to be all activities and amusement?

Mine love seeing a project - the wood cut to size in B and Q and then see it put together. We have fab chats out and about.