Is my ex being unreasonable sending son back to me

[Hindsightandall]

Ex has son until Monday as standard. Yesterday morning my son facetimed me to say he wanted to come to mine. Which is fine as I don't get to see him at the weekend anyway. I asked why and son said he just wanted to - but he never does this so I text my ex.

Ex said that if I was in and wanted him he was dropping him off because this had happened -

Son had been told off Saturday night for going to hit his little sister (he didn't as dad was there and intervened- sister is not my daughter) He sulked off to his room and then ex went in to tell him he needed to brush his teeth before he went to sleep. Son refused, ex said he doesn't get to refuse, got him out of the bed to brush his teeth.

In the midst of all this son said 'I want to go to my mums'. Ex said - if you say that again I will take you first thing in the morning (knowing he doesn't really want to) so son says it again. And ex says that's fine, ill drop you off tomorrow if your mums in.

Son wakes up and ex tells him to pack his stuff for his mums, at which point son says he doesn't want to go. Ex says tough basically. So he was dropped off.

Ex was basically saying he will not have him threatening him with that and if he says he wants to go to mine he will take him there. He knew he didn't want to and apparently son said to him yesterday morning he didn't want to come back to mine but ex said to him his actions/words have consequences and said that as he'd told him he would take him if he said it again, he couldn't not go through with it.

Was he being unreasonable ? Obviously I'm happy to have had him back (even though I know he didn't want to come) I'm not sure how I feel about it being a punishment tho. Son is 9.

He made a threat and filled through. That's good.

However I wouldn't want him to do this regularly because if you had plans you don't want to cancel them and his dad needs to deal with behaviour.

But I can understand why he said he wanted to come to yours. If his sister hit him and he retaliated he wasn't exactly the party who should have had heavier punishment. He probably feels pushed out. I don't agree with hitting but retaliating is different and more impulsive.

@youarenotkiddingme
If you read the post the son was rightly told off for going to hit his sister- we don't know what happened with the sister.
Son the sulked off to his room and after refused to brush his teeth. That's when he made the comment about wanting to go go to his mums.

Not all kids feel pushed out by nrp's you known

OP I'm sure your DS resented his dad getting him out of bed to brush his teeth. I'm sure he sometimes resents you making him go to school or eat vegetables or whatever. But the thing is kids don't have the mental capacity or life experience to judge decisions like this and its long term implications. I genuinely think as long as you can get his dad and step mum on board your DS will soon adapt to spending some weekend time with you.

My own DSCs went through similar, we started with them spending one weekend a month with their mum then eventually EOW. It didn't take long to see that they really needed weekend time with both parents. I fear that if you leave things as they are then you risk your DS drifting away from you as he grows older and thinking "why didn't mum want to spend any time with me?" He won't think to himself it's what he chose - after all a child has to rely on adults to make decisions in their best interests - he'll just think you weren't bothered.

Lots of issues here.. but how would ex feel
If you just took child back unexpectedly? Parenting doesn’t work like that.

Being, effectively, thrown out at age 9 is awful

Please, he went to stay with his mum which he clearly stated twice was what he wanted. He wasn't thrown out at all. Very dramatic.

I see a lot of people here questioning OPs ex for just expecting her to have her son back and not checking first however, from the very first post it's clear Dad said if mum is in and if mum can have you I will drop you off. He didn't demand OP return from a weekend away so she could watch her son, he very clearly stated it was dependant on OPs availability.

Maybe I would have done things differently but I don't think your ex is bad at all for following through. Things like this are said because children think they can get away with poor behavior if they hurt their parents feelings. Your ex called your son's bluff and I think that's ok. You said yourself he likely won't do it again!

If you want some extra quality time with your son have a chat with him about it. Tell him you’d love to do x activity with him but you don’t really get time so maybe his dad could have Thur, Fri, Sat nights and he come home Sun morning or he could go Sat evening and have Sat, Sun, Mon nights so he still gets his 3 nights there. Find something you can do together that he’d really like to do.