RANT lazy to for owning a dishwasher - MIL

[AiryFairyUnicornRainbow]

After years of saving, we finally re-did our kitchen 3 months ago. It didnt come easy, we had saved for a long time and inherited the old one 20+ years ago with the house)

Really proud of ourselves, and the first time the ILs came round, MIL was making comments about the dishwasher, and how it is lazy to own one. (We had never had one in our lives, but SHE has, she had one in her last house before she moved last year). Every time she visits she makes at least one comment

Lazy? I work 50+ hours a week and DH often much more.

She has been round this morning (and is still here) and whilst FIL is talking about other stuff, she is using her visiting time to belittle me (not us) about owning a dishwasher again

I'm currently sitting in the bedroom because to be honest I dont know what her problem is - and it is the least interesting topic in the fucking world

I wish she would fuck off, as I have got stuff to do, ironing etc, but I cannot face this total bollocks once again

Ohhh you have my sympathies. According to my MIL not only is owning
a dishwasher lazy, but basically any time-saving measure is lazy. I'm destined straight for 'bad wife hell', then.

Buy her a dishwasher for Christmas, and say you knew it would be just up her street.

Just say you only bought it because you saw hers and liked it.

Why does this bother you so much?

It's obviously ridiculous and antiquated to say owning a dishwasher is lazy. Just as it is to say owning a cooker is lazy (get the fire started in the garden) or a washing machine (down the river and a mangle) or a vacuum cleaner (broom and carpet beaters).

I'm puzzled as to why it bugs you so much. There must be more to it. It's not rational to be irrirated to the point that you go and sit in your room about something so clearly daft as dishwasher= lazy. A rational response would be to laugh at it.

Is it that she criticises you constantly and makes you feel that you aren't good enough for her son and this is a symptom of it? Is it that for other reasons you do judge yourself as lazy (not the dishwasher) and this has touched a nerve? Either way, just laugh at the dishwasher comment as it's just silly.

My mother is a bit like this too, lots of oohing and raising of eyebrows at such indulgent luxuries as dishwashers and clothes dryers. The fact that we have a cleaner for 3 hours a week Blows.Her.Mind .

The thing is, my WC mother and plenty of others of her generation didn't have the opportunity or aspiration to have a career so for lots of them their self worth was tied to being a wife and mother and how clean they kept their home and children was a matter of pride (and judgment). Apparently the more time consuming and tiring all this was, the better .

She's in her 70s now and still has that weird mix of martyrdom and pride in hours spent cleaning and pot walloping. I think sometimes it allows her to feel, well not superior as such but something close. Because she's "measuring" something that she was told mattered a lot if that makes sense? Of course in order to do that she has to completely ignore the fact that I work full time outside the home. Something she manages to do more easily than you'd think...

They are good for the environment. Ours uses 11 litres of water and we use it once a day. Our washing up bowl holds about 15 litres of water and id use hot water to fill it 3 times a day. I take it she doesn't have a washing machine or hoover either then?!?

I suspect it bothers the OP because the MIL used to have a dishwasher, so clearly doesn't believe that owning a dishwasher is lazy. The MIL is using this as a veiled way to say to the OP, "You're lazy".

My mother used to own a washing machine but wash the clothes by hand. Even as a child I thought she was bonkers!

Really sounds like she's jealous as she used to have one but doesn't now. I'd have to mention that she used to have one and how did she use to live with herself [grins].

I’m debating whether to put one in the new kitchen or not. I really don’t like them (hate filling, hate unloading, hate the noise, hate the dishwasher tablet smell, hate they mostly don’t dry dishes properly (despite quality products, salt etc), hate I can taste the dishwasher taste...I could go on 🤣) but despite all of that, I am coming to hate doing the dishes even more! Your post is really pushing me over the edge into getting one. Maybe we could all send you photos and you could make some sort of wall art ‘A tribute to my dishwasher’ 😂

Feel free to upload photos of your kitchen, I could do with some real life inspiration!

ILoveTrees are you sure you just haven't experienced an old, not working quite right dishwasher? I have a preset strong sense of smell and taste and I've honestly not experienced what you describe.

Preset = pretty. Dunno why my iPad keeps randomly amending words!

Mine doesn't smell at all, washes dishes fine and makes a quiet comforting hum. AND it dries them and stores them away tidily inside. What's not to like?

Well, your new kitchen must look lovely, because she's obviously as jealous as hell!

I've never noticed a dishwasher tablet smell

I'm not upset as such with MIL, more bored to death, with the ground hog day feel to every visit...as without fail she mentions it.

ILoveTrees, ours is a Miele and none of what you describe is my experience. It’s really quiet the dishes come out clean and dry and smell of nothing, don’t taste of anything either and I’d notice that being pregnant.

I think if it is irritating you and making you avoid her, it is worth being confrontational so that she stops.

Just tell her that while she seems very over invested in your decision to have a dishwasher, and obviously is very upset about it, you are now getting very irritated at her keeping on bringing it up.

Does she have a job or did she used to work such long hours as you?

I'd be inclined to say something similar to others - she's probably jealous they don't have one now though

Well, you could carry on ignoring it, ban her from going in the kitchen, get her to do the washing up every time she visits, or tape record it every time and then play it all back to her when you've got a few on there...

“That’s uncalled for and besides, it’s none of your business. Now, who would like more coffee?”

How long hours anyone works are irrelevant.

It's not lazy to have a dishwasher under any circumstances.

I think that, the next time she comes round, you should say “Yes, I have a dishwasher, yes you think that is lazy - now that’s out of the way, perhaps we can talk about something less tedious, MIL?” - as soon as she comes in through the front door. Do it every time she comes until she gets the message.

I know you are worried about causing offence - but she isn’t worried about offending you, so I don’t think you need to give the tiniest fuck about upsetting her!

FuzzyWuzzy could I ask what model?! I've got a generic cheapish builder-installed jobby and while it's miles better than a bowl of water, it's not perfect.

“It’s not laziness as such. I work 50 hours a week and you know how long DH’s hours are, so when we had to decide, time to wash up or time to have sex, we bought a dishwasher.

What made you decide to give yours up when you moved house?”

What does your DH say to her?

Don’t ask her round again!