Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left me at the hospital

108 replies

Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 09:43

Woke up early hours of Saturday with lower abdo pain. Spent 6 hours in A&E last night. Finally discharged at 0330. Never really settled and still in pain (sharp stabbing) so asked DH to bring me back to A&E. We have DD(5yo), only child. I asked him to come with me (I was alone overnight as DD at home asleep), no other local relatives to help or come and keep me company. Anyway, he’s told me he’s not staying aaa he doesn’t want to sit in A&E with DD! If it were him (and it has been in the past, dislocated shoulder then surgery) there’s not question I would sit with him with DD and keep him company.

I feel like i don’t matter to him. I’m a grown adult and capable of sitting in A&E by myself but I’d asked for his support and i don’t feel I’ve got it.

He’s not a bad husband. Can be a bit selfish at times but we loveeach other very much. It just seems like everything is too much trouble.

I’m in pain, not slept for over 24 hrs other than cat naps, tearful and scared. AIBU?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 25/11/2018 10:50

Hope you get answers and treatment soon OP Flowers

mummymayhem18 · 25/11/2018 10:50

I hope you get sorted and can go home pain free. It's not gallstones or anything like that. Water infection? Xx

Holidayshopping · 25/11/2018 10:52

If you are in such pain you feel like you are being stabbed with knives and need to be in A and E, presumably you are not up for bedside chit chatting? Sitting watching you in so much pain would actually be incredibly traumatic for a 5 year old!

I think your husbands sounds like he’s got his head screwed on.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 25/11/2018 10:54

Yeah If I went to a&e I would want dh to stay with ds at home

AnotherEmma · 25/11/2018 10:54

Glad you have a diagnosis and meds. Hope they kick in quickly and you feel better soon Flowers

Iwanttobeanonymous · 25/11/2018 10:59

I know its shit as I've had to do it. But sometimes it's the only option.

We have a disabled dc so getting him up in the middle of the night so that dh could come with me, keeping them there all day (because none if the family are trained to take care of his medical needs) would not be fair on the child. To be honest when they did come in to bring overnight stuff I'd had enough after ten minutes anyway.

CloserIAm2Fine · 25/11/2018 11:00

Is he at least offering support via text message?

I agree a five year old shouldn’t be in A&E unless theyre the patient or there’s no other option. But if I were him I’d be having a quiet day at home with DD and keeping in touch with you regularly by text message to check how you’re doing and try to keep your spirits up.

Hope you feel better soon OP!

FortniteIsTheNewCrack · 25/11/2018 11:07

I wonder if you're sad about the lack of sympathy and empathy from your DH rather than the actual lack of physical company at A and E?

I'm glad you're treated and home. How is your DH with you now, is he looking after you?

I thought, reading your posts, you sound a little down, perhaps this is why you feel left alone in A and E as you feel lonely in life generally? I'm sure this thread will give you support and ideas about how to settle and make friends in your new area. Is your DH generally supportive?

It is hard being alone in A and E and worried and in pain. I've had a few trips recently where DH has had to leave me (and I've been post ictal and not with it so he's been reluctant to leave) and he has taken DCs to the cafe in the hospital and then come back to check on me usually I have disappeared to cubicles anyway. Hopefully you won't have any more trips but this might be worth considering.

I hope you feel better and your DH is being kind.

slkk · 25/11/2018 11:21

I have learnt that my husband just has really different emotional needs and doesn’t understand mine. In the past I was disappointed that he stayed with me pre surgery (because I asked him to) but just read the paper. It seemed uncaring. Now I know him better and have been through a few surgeries with him. He is very very uneasy and worried when I am unwell and is amazing with practical help but not so good at emotional as he does not really want to open that door. I think the same is true when he is unwell. So I have learnt to accept practical help gratefully (really thoughtful things like arranging night time meds in order for me, getting new pillows etc) and accept this is his way of showing he cares.

IPromiseIWontBeNaughty · 25/11/2018 11:42

Hope you feel better once antibiotics kick in.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 25/11/2018 11:58

I'm sorry to hear what's going on but I must say, A&E is not a place to be with a 5 yr old. I was in a similar predicament a month ago. Was having an ectopic pregnancy and admitted over night. Once I had been seen by a nurse I sent DH and DD home, they came to visit the following day during visitors hours...

The Dr's and nurses will look after you! I hope you feel better soon x

gruffalomom · 25/11/2018 12:03

Yabu a bit but I understand you feel a bit anxious and need him there but your dd comes first. I've had 3 surgeries since my dc2 was born 3 years ago. Two were emergencies and one planned. I have taxi'd myself to hospital each time and stayed alone except a brief visit where I felt I could put a 'normal'face on for the children. It's just life as a parent I'm afraid. Of course it's a bit miserable knowing you are all alone but it doesn't mean you are not loved or being thought of

tempester28 · 25/11/2018 12:14

Yes, I would definately not take a child into a hospital unless absolutely necesary because of bugs ect. However I do sympathise with you, but your dh is probably right.

SilentIsla · 25/11/2018 12:19

He should have done the decent, caring thing and waited with you.

grumiosmum · 25/11/2018 12:23

So sorry you are feeling rotten, but I think you'd find waiting in A&E much more stressful with a bored & fractious 5 year old to worry about too. And it would also be stressful for the other people waiting.

I recently spent 7 hours with DH in A&E, it's grim for everyone.

I think it's the right call by your DH. I hope you are seen quickly, get the help you need, and are back at home soon for some rest & recovery.

OneStepSideways · 25/11/2018 12:23

Sorry you're unwell and in pain. I hope they find out what's wrong and you get treated quickly.

I agree with your DH for not staying in A&E with you, it's no place for a child. There will be people in distress, people coming in drunk or covered in blood or vomiting. Not to mention potentially contagious people. I wouldn't dream of making my child sit in A&E if DH was around and could take her home. You're a grown up and a parent, sometimes we have to do these things alone.
They will be able to visit you on the ward if you're admitted.

AnotherEmma · 25/11/2018 12:24

Did people miss OP's update at 10.49 (bottom of page 3)?

grumiosmum · 25/11/2018 12:25

Just seen that you are back home with diagnosis & treatment. Wish you a speedy recovery. Flowers

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 25/11/2018 12:26

Glad you’ve got treatment. However ywbu unreasonable expecting your daughter to stay “till she got bored”.
We’re adults, there’s stuff we just have to suck up.
Glad your Dd has her dad looking out for her best interests.

Have a rest today and hopefully the pain will be ok v. Soon

Longdistance · 25/11/2018 12:27

Sorry you’re not well op Flowers

I broke my leg about 5 years ago. I wouldn’t have wanted dds to be there. It’s very boring for them. Your dh made the right call.

EtVoilaBrexit · 25/11/2018 12:28

I hope your dh is making up for it and is now as caring towards you as he expects you to be towards him.

skybluee · 25/11/2018 12:29

I hope you are feeling better now you know what it is and I hope your treatment starts to work soon xx

Lovemusic33 · 25/11/2018 12:39

Sorry you have been unwell OP, I have been to A&E alone quite a few times with similar pain to you, mine turned out to be cysts on my ovaries, the pain was up there with labour pain and the first time it happened I was on holiday on my own with the dd’s. It is scary being at hospital alone but I think when you have a child at home it’s best the other adult stays with the child.

Birdie6 · 25/11/2018 12:58

Last time I was in A+E a man had a huge, noisy, drug-induced fit of hysteria in the cubicle right next to me. To think that a 5 year old should be sitting there being exposed to such things, is really unreasonable. You weren't being neglected - your partner was doing the right thing and looking after your child while the staff were looking after you.

ZebraOwl · 25/11/2018 13:02

Am v glad you now have a diagnosis & hope that you feel better soon.

As PPs have said though, it sounds as if you’re feeling generally [emotionally] unsupported by your DH. Maybe time for a conversation about what you need from him - & to stop Constantly Coping. It’s ok not to.

It’s also, purely from a practical standpoint, probably not great he doesn’t know anything about your chronic health conditions. In an emergency it’s really helpful he be able to tell HCPs about them. I’ve not anyone able to do that so just carry a list, but a person able to answer questions is REALLY useful.

Swipe left for the next trending thread