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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left me at the hospital

108 replies

Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 09:43

Woke up early hours of Saturday with lower abdo pain. Spent 6 hours in A&E last night. Finally discharged at 0330. Never really settled and still in pain (sharp stabbing) so asked DH to bring me back to A&E. We have DD(5yo), only child. I asked him to come with me (I was alone overnight as DD at home asleep), no other local relatives to help or come and keep me company. Anyway, he’s told me he’s not staying aaa he doesn’t want to sit in A&E with DD! If it were him (and it has been in the past, dislocated shoulder then surgery) there’s not question I would sit with him with DD and keep him company.

I feel like i don’t matter to him. I’m a grown adult and capable of sitting in A&E by myself but I’d asked for his support and i don’t feel I’ve got it.

He’s not a bad husband. Can be a bit selfish at times but we loveeach other very much. It just seems like everything is too much trouble.

I’m in pain, not slept for over 24 hrs other than cat naps, tearful and scared. AIBU?

OP posts:
Blanchedupetitpois · 25/11/2018 09:54

Sorry OP, I hope you feel better soon.

I agree that it’s best for the 5yo not to be in a&e, so your DH can’t be there. But not surprised it’s making you miserable.

MaryJenson · 25/11/2018 09:55

I think you’re feeling tired and vulnerable Mummytowooter 💐

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2018 09:55

Come on, OP, you know he’s right. You’re an adult, surrounded by medical staff. If you can keep in touch with DH by phone yhat’s all you need isn’t it?

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 25/11/2018 09:55

Your child could end up catching flu. I understand you're in pain but your child is far far better off at home.

Fairylea · 25/11/2018 09:55

What did a and e say to you when they discharged you? What’s wrong?

I think dh is right to stay home. I spend a lot of time back and forwards to a and e with chronic health issues and I find it harder to cope with having bored dc with me than just going on my own!

Ecofluffynanny · 25/11/2018 09:56

I would have actively sent my family home! You are being VU. Sorry you're ill, but you have medical professionals on hand to deal with that...your 5 year old does not need to be up all night witnessing it.

Worieddd · 25/11/2018 09:56

I wouldn’t want my 5 year old to be in hospital with me

Lovethetimeyouhave · 25/11/2018 09:57

I get it, I had to go in by myself for abdominal pains and was scared. But I went alone in a cab. And stayed alone. The doctors are there to take care of you, your dh can come in later with Dd if needed

PlateOfBiscuits · 25/11/2018 09:57

Could you have endometriosis? At times that can feel like a stabbing pain.

IPromiseIWontBeNaughty · 25/11/2018 09:58

Flowers hope you feel better soon.

But

Dh left me when I was having a miscarriage because we had dc 2years at home. I completely agreed with him.

A & E is no place for a child.

Reallybadidea · 25/11/2018 09:59

I hope you feel better soon and that you're DH is supporting you. It's not nice being on your own when you're in pain and frightened.

Original poster
Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 10:00

Definitely tired and vulnerable. 😢. Just want to go home.

It would have been nice if he’d been just a bit more sympathetic I think. I don’t ask for a lot but when he’s ill he needs the sympathy in abundance (man flu and all that). I have long term health problems totally unrelated to this and I normally manage my emotions fine when dealing with this sort of stuff. Probably being in pain and tired has tipped me over the edge

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 10:02

Ecofluffynanny

DH stayed at home with DD last night. Would never have her in A&E overnight. This is my second trip in 24hrs

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 10:03

Have no idea what’s wrong 😢. Feels like I’m wasting their (A&Es) time.

OP posts:
Nacreous · 25/11/2018 10:03

Abdominal pain sucks. Being exhausted sucks too. The two together makes you feel emotional and like you can't cope.

What your husband has done is reasonable, but I do recognise that being stuck alone in hospital is horrid. This is especially the case when you don't know what's the matter as the mind tends to jump around and the pain means you can't concentrate on a book to keep you occupied.

Hope the docs have sorted you out with some pain meds. I have often found that the most pain I end up in is with trapped wind. It can hurt so much u want to scream. Sharp and stabbing. If you think this could be plausible and get the opportunity to take some simethicone and stretch and move (even if it makes it hurt worse at the time) it can be worthwhile as it can move it round in case it is that. I don't mean to sound patronising at all, I have IBS and honestly trapped wind can be horrifically painful, and often sits in my lower abdomen (appendicitis like pain).

IPromiseIWontBeNaughty · 25/11/2018 10:03

Aah- you have long term health problems. Do you think that your dh has got used to you coping?

I also have chronic issues & get on with it. Last week was bad & because I complained dh was so shocked! Could be something similar?

BlueJava · 25/11/2018 10:03

Sorry you are in pain and upset. However, I think A&E isn't the place for a 5 year old (or any child) unless they need to be there. Think of it this way - it's full of bugs and nasties from infectious people coming in, he's better off out of that environment. Also the last time I went there on a weekend (years ago I admit) there were a couple of nasty incidents with drunks, I know you wouldn't want him to see that. Take care.

EmbraRocks · 25/11/2018 10:04

Especially a&e on a Saturday night! Far too much kicking off! Were she and DH meant to stay awake with you?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/11/2018 10:04

Hope you feel better soon OP. I totally understand you’d want them there. If I’m honest I’d have expected mine to be, even for a sort while until dd got bored. I don’t think she’s likely to catch anything from a and e is she really?

Original poster
Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 10:07

DH didn’t come with me last night as DD asleep and I didn’t expect him to. It’s 10am now and I’m on my second visit. Would never bring DD into A&E overnight. I used to work in A&E so I know how bad it can be on Saturday night

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 25/11/2018 10:08

Hope they sort you out today. When my ds was this small and I needed a and e, they sat in the car park and watched Disney movies on the iPad till I was ready.

Original poster
Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 10:08

DH is definitely used to me just getting on with it. If anyone asked him what was wrong with me I doubt he’d even know what the conditions were called

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytowooter · 25/11/2018 10:09

Probably would have been ok with it if they’d waited with me until she’d got fed up. I can see where he’s coming from and where all of you are too. I know I’m BU

OP posts:
Dorsetdays · 25/11/2018 10:11

Sorry to hear you’re not well. Do you have any friends (or school mates of your DD) that your DH could ask to look after her for a few hours today?

If not, I’m going to go totally against the grain here and say that I don’t think it is totally unreasonable for your DH and DD to stay with you for a few hours if you need that support.

If you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t slept it’s hard to take in what the doctors are saying sometimes so having someone with you can be really important. You might also need someone there to get you a drink if you can’t manage or to help you to the toilet etc (depending how much pain you’re in etc)or even to chase up what’s happening as it’s not unheard of to get forgotten about in a&e!

At 5 I would have been able to take my DC somewhere for a few hours without them getting out of hand with boredom! Books, colouring, an iPad, some snacks, quiet games etc and she’d be fine.

If flu was an issue I assume she’d have had the flu vaccination by now so not sure that’s an excuse either.

Totally understand it’s not ideal but 5 year olds shouldnt dictate every single decision you make as a family just in case they get bored.

Jackshouse · 25/11/2018 10:12

Am sorry your I’ll but a and e is not the right place for a child and I could not think of anything worse that my child worrying about me being ill.