Do your parents stop giving you gifts when your own children?

[JKCR2017]

I don’t want to come across as a spoilt brat expecting presents here, as I’m anything but. But do you think you should stop buying your DC gifts when they have their own children so you buy for the children instead or do you still like to treat your children?

I understand that Christmas is all about children. I have two DC aged 7&3. We like to give them a good Christmas. Me and the OH have always bought each other gifts but have decided against it this year as we are saving for new carpets etc.

I’m asking this because I don’t get presents off my parents since having DC. Yet, my Mil has the opposite view and still likes to treat her children (and me, she is very generous). My grandparents also still buy gifts for my mum but I get nothing off my mum. She buys for her grandchildren, which is great but at Christmas she spends about £500-600 each on my younger sisters (16 and 12). And quite a bit on my 21 year old brother. She also buys gifts for my uncles, my grandparents, their neighbours, friends etc. But I get nothing. Of course my DC get presents (about £30-£50 each) but aibu to wanting a gift? Like I said, I’m not spoilt. I’ve never brought this up not wanting to cause a stir on Christmas but even a small box of chocolates would feel nice. I spend about £30 each on my sisters and brother and usually get my mum and dad something nice.

Mil always gets me a nice gift. And my mum always asks what she gets me so I tell her. Usually she gets me a £50 voucher or a bottle of perfume (I always say she shouldn’t spend so much on me).

My ex and his family (DS’s dad) were also very similar to my in laws. They like to buy everyone gifts.

I’m not sure if I’m just over thinking this? It’s not a financial issue when my mum spends over £1000 on my sisters! 😬

Just realised the question doesn’t even make sense, sorry! when you have your own children

My parents have carried on since I've had children and buy for me , my husband and our children. Obviously it's not the same as when we were kids no stockings now etc but still a nice gift for around £50 for birthday and Christmas each year and we do similar for them

It's odd, but not unusual. Perhaps you may want to dial back your gifts to DM or get her token gifts "to granny from grandchildren".

I am not nc with my mum. But my nan buys some5hign for the kids. 3 of them. And a token gift for me and dh. Normally his favourite chocolate and for me last year was some nice biscuits. The year before a nice vase

And we do the same a small token gift

My Mum got my brother and I gifts until she got to grandchild number 4 (brother and I have two each) and then announced she couldn't afford to get us gifts as well so would just do the kids. Seemed fair enough to me. Especially as brother was inconsiderate enough to have one child just before Christmas and I was inconsiderate enough to have one just after Christmas so she has birthdays to buy for as well

My parents still do. We all have the same budget.

My mum has always bought for us. She spends 60 on each of her children plus sons in law and 60 on each of her grandkids (plus my dd2 partner). She will sometimes add a bit more to mine as a Thank you for sorting out presents.

I get birthday presents and Christmas presents off my parents.
My poor Grandmothers used to give their children, their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren presents!

That sounds odd and hurtful. We do kids only gifts with some family members (who also have kids) but my mum still spoils me at Christmas. I am still her child and she enjoys making me happy. Her gifts to the kids are also generous but are about her relationship with them. They are not an extension of me. They don’t get my share.

I’m not sure asking for a gift would make me feel better in your shoes though. I’d want my mum to want to get me something so asking for (and even getting) a gift wouldn’t make me happier.

I have 2 children and have quite literally had nothing to open on my birthdays or Christmas at times. DP will get me a present but usually it’s something I’ve licked myself and therefore it doesn’t get wrapped or anything and not given to me as a gift IYSWIM.
My kids get spoilt by everyone though. I don’t mind really

But ops mum doesn’t have money worries albatross.

Op I think as she spends loads on other people (inc extended family) and hundreds on your sisters it’s very odd that she’s cut you out. I can understand if there were financial issues but there clearly aren’t. I would cut out buying for extended family and friends before I stopped buying for my adult children.

Plus you’ve only got 2 DC. I could understand it if you had 6.

Maybe just say something. “Mum can I ask why you buy for everyone else but not me anymore”?

Picked... not licked
That would be weird

I haven't had a Christmas present or birthday present from my parents since I left home. Nothing. It makes me sound like a spoilt brat but I wish they'd got me something even if just a box of cheap chocolates.

Mine always have until we decided to stop giving adults presents.

What jumped out at me was “Christmas is all about children” - not for us it isn’t. Christmas is about family. We have much less emphasis on presents and more on family time, Christmas activities etc. We do exchange gifts but it isnt the main focus and we don’t spend huge amounts of money.

But yes your situation sounds very unfair. I think it would upset me too in that dynamic where there is a lot of emphasis on gift giving and a lot of money is spent, to receive nothing would be upsetting.

I do feel a bit awkward at Christmas time though, I have 3 kids and my sister has none, so she has to spend more on my family than I spend on hers. I usually suggest she’s just get us a family gift (board game for example) but she likes treating the kids.

ITS Sad when Christmas becomes about who spent x on who, but in your situation I would feel hard done by!

My mum gets me and DH a wee selection of token gifts since having DC (small box of chocs, socks, maybe a new notebook and pens), I think this a very generous of her has she goes waaaay overboard buying for my DS and she has a very low income.
DHs parents in the other hand give everyone a pile of presents, I am very grateful they include me in this but I find it unnecessary, I’d be happy with more socks and a book token haha.

My parents still gift me a generous cheque on Birthdays and Christmas as well as buying for my own children and now their Great grandchildren. I actually really look forward to spending that money on something I really really want rather than the usual constant spending on the house etc. They derive great pleasure from knowing I've bought myself a new coat / boots etc

Sounds a bit mean and not at all granny. I'd understand if she was short of money but this doesn't seem to be the case. My DM still buys me a larger gift (about £40-50) and still does a stocking for me (as well as doing one for DH, DS and the dog)!

Yes my parents still buy but presents are of a lower value than in the past (£30 or so nowadays). TBH, this changed once I was an earning adult, rather than when I had the DC.

My parents have continued as mil gives me more now; I’m in need of presents more since having DC as I rarely buy myself nice clothes/perfume/anything nice as all my money goes on DD and she never goes without for anything and gets loads from everyone at Christmas.
Some other members of my family have done that tho; it makes me sad for reasons I’ve given above about getting gifts now but that seems to be what they do with all their friends etc so decided to do the same with family

My situation is same as yours OP.
I don't get birthday presents either.
To be fair, I wouldn't have minded so much if there had been a discussion but one year it just stopped and that's it!
I discussed with my siblings and we only buy for children by agreement. Which is actually totally unfair as my sister has none and won't have any. But she's happy to buy for the kids and isn't bothered about not getting from us.
My parents buy for her, but she spends every Christmas with them anyway and I actually think it's got more to do with that.
I get where you're coming from but unless you speak to her (and perhaps even then) it won't change.

I meant and mil not that my parents buy gifts just because she does

I don't get presents from my parents. I don't mind, they have a lot to buy for and I don't need anything. My kids are always spoiled and Christmas is about them really.

My ILs buy for the adults too but that's their choice.

I understand that Christmas is all about children. Well, some people think that. Others think it's about families, or it's about giving and sharing.
Obviously it's not the same as when we were kids no stockings now We still do stockings, and presents for adults. The only thing that has changed is that it's immediate family, we gave up gifts for aunts, nieces and cousins when it became a ritual exchanging of vouchers.