Do your parents stop giving you gifts when your own children?

[JKCR2017]

I don’t want to come across as a spoilt brat expecting presents here, as I’m anything but. But do you think you should stop buying your DC gifts when they have their own children so you buy for the children instead or do you still like to treat your children?

I understand that Christmas is all about children. I have two DC aged 7&3. We like to give them a good Christmas. Me and the OH have always bought each other gifts but have decided against it this year as we are saving for new carpets etc.

I’m asking this because I don’t get presents off my parents since having DC. Yet, my Mil has the opposite view and still likes to treat her children (and me, she is very generous). My grandparents also still buy gifts for my mum but I get nothing off my mum. She buys for her grandchildren, which is great but at Christmas she spends about £500-600 each on my younger sisters (16 and 12). And quite a bit on my 21 year old brother. She also buys gifts for my uncles, my grandparents, their neighbours, friends etc. But I get nothing. Of course my DC get presents (about £30-£50 each) but aibu to wanting a gift? Like I said, I’m not spoilt. I’ve never brought this up not wanting to cause a stir on Christmas but even a small box of chocolates would feel nice. I spend about £30 each on my sisters and brother and usually get my mum and dad something nice.

Mil always gets me a nice gift. And my mum always asks what she gets me so I tell her. Usually she gets me a £50 voucher or a bottle of perfume (I always say she shouldn’t spend so much on me).

My ex and his family (DS’s dad) were also very similar to my in laws. They like to buy everyone gifts.

I’m not sure if I’m just over thinking this? It’s not a financial issue when my mum spends over £1000 on my sisters! 😬

Since having children parents always buy me a pair if pjs ! however they buy the children substantial gifts, which is fine by me!

Yes my parent still buy me gifts at Christmas and my Husband even though we have two children, but MIL just gives a little token gift to me and husband and a small gift for the children. I would find it quite odd too OP I think she could even just give you a small gift that didn’t cost much if you’re buying for your parents. I don’t think your being grabby.

DDad still gets presents for me and FP, as do DP’s parents. We have on DS they all buy for too. And we get them pretty nice gifts too - theatre vouchers for DP’s parents this year and a cashmere jumper and an amazon echo for my dad. I can’t imagine wanting to stop buying for DS when he has kids either.

DP, not FP. Not sure what FP stands for!

My sister declared 'presents for children only' about 10 years ago, which the whole family went ahead with. As I have no DP and my DD is too young to go shopping alone this means I get nothing for Christmas. I just buy myself something. It's not the same but softens the blow.

I feel your hurt and pain OP. I've seen the threads on here with the lists of things people want for Christmas and wonder what it must be like.

When people ask what I got for Christmas, I just say 'the usual' as I'm too embarrassed to say nothing.

Sorry this was a bit long. OP, you're not being grabby!

OP I think it sounds rather unfair that you are left out of the gift giving as opposed to you being a spoilt brat about it.

All your siblings and other relatives seem to receive something, just seems strange that you receive nothing from your mum.

For what it's worth, over the years my parents have reduced their birthday/Christmas gifts to me. I'd say that for the last decade or so I've received almost nothing for my birthday or Christmas.

My sister & brother are similar.

My sister tried to complain, wrote a mini Christmas list and my mum told her off telling her that she had 3 children now and should focus on them & not be selfish/thinking of herself.

I find this viewpoint from my mum very annoying, like the minute you have a baby you can no longer have any valid wants or needs.

My mum did this (mum and SD) and also made it very clear that they couldn’t buy much for my dc (tho my now adult half sister still gets plenty). This is part of a bigger picture tho because one year I didn’t send the same sister money or a gift as things were a bit tight for us and my mum decided that meant I didn’t need to receive a gift from her either so never have since . I have mostly let it go now but it has been upsetting over the years. So yanbu it’s rubbish but I’m guessing not unusual generally

My parents didn't stop giving to me when dcs came along and neither did MIL. And now that we are grandparents, we will still give to our DC and DIL. For us, Christmas is about family, whatever their age. We also still give to aunts and the cousins who we have a close relationship.
I couldn't imagine not giving a gift to my own DCs.

I agree with pp that Christmas is about family.
We give gifts to all our AC and their spouses, equal amounts. Sometimes gift tokens and a small goody bag and sometimes money to contribute to something their saving for.
All the GCs get roughly the same value gift, suggested by their parents. It’s rarely over £50 in value.
My own parents and PIL, ( diseased now) despite making a big fuss about Christmas and expecting a gift, rarely gave us any gifts at Christmas after we were married and rarely gave DCs any presents, Christmas or Birthday. An odd lot!

My mum gets us all a stocking and gifts still. She has three children of her own, our spouses, and three grandchildren.

I always give to my adult children and spouses , as well has their children. I have about a £25 limit for them, and normally buy something luxurious that they wouldn't get for themselves.

My DM spends the same on me as she would if I had no kids. But the gifts are crap now because I’m broke from having a kid, so my gifts have to be stuff I need and can’t afford, not stuff I want. I’m getting a kettle for Christmas because mine is dodgy and needs replacing. I’d much prefer chocolates, smellies or books but I need a kettle.

My mum and dad buy for me but mil just buys for ds.If my parents ever wanted to just buy for ds i wouldn't mind though

Sorry my post should have said for sisters birthday one year I didn’t send and then got nothing - haven’t had as presents since having dc so now get nothing at all other than cards. I have not stopped visiting as much and buying for them as it has left a bitter feeling for me- it’s not actually about the stuff or the value it’s rhe stopping of the gesture and wanting to enjoy and celebrate things with us as part of the family that hurts the most

First year of having a child this year and we're still getting the same from MIL - £50 that she asks what we want with and £25 that she spends on stocking filler type gifts

My mum has always gone totally overboard with DH and I (and my other brothers without kids) for Xmas but she only gets my brother and his fiancée a token gift and spends the rest on the kids, so I have that to look forward to this year I guess!

My DPs discussed with us that now most of us are married and some have kids that they will give us a small gift and spend more on the DGCs. I'm more than happy with it, I get my "main" present from my husband which I feel is how it should be. Christmas is about children!

My mum and dad give dh and i £20 each this year we needed some new towels so i asked for them instead , my boys and my sisters boys get £50 each for xmas and £40 for birthdays ds1 birthday is om Boxing day so his grandparents money makes for a decent gift!

I think I would find that a bit hurtful op. My parents still buy me lovely presents but do spend less than before kids. I still get a stocking though!

Maybe your DM knows my brother/SIL? First to have kids and we spent years buying them and their kids presents. Other people kids come along and it’s suddenly “we’re only buying for children”.

But that said, your mum buying for other adult relatives and friends and not you says a lot about what she thinks about you sorry.

We did secret Santa last year with the people we had visit on Christmas Day, budget was £50 which sounds a lot but there 12 of us including in laws, parents, siblings etc, so if you'd spent five pounds on each it would've cost more. That way each person got one nice gift, we all bought for the children. We did it last year as we were getting married in January and DB and SIL had just had an unexpected large financial outgoing. Despite that we as a couple and siblings/partners were given hampers from parents/PIL even though we'd said not necessary, it was lovely though, nice foodie bits, nice mugs, a bottle of champagne in one etc. I also got a lovely box of chocolates from DB for hosting and everyone brought bottles of wine etc. I stopped getting anything other than token gifts from extended family when I hit my twenties and DH and I will often give/receive nice bottles of wine or boxes of posh chocolates etc to wider family members. I wouldn't expect my parents to spend £500 on me!

My parents and my ILs all still buy us presents, multiple GC on both sides. Some aunts and uncles transferred to GC which seems more than reasonable to me, some buy for all of us and we do for them. We also all get stockings too from my parents. We all put a couple of stocking fillers in for everyone and exchange small bags of clearly labelled gifts before Christmas so that stocking fillers are in the right place to be opened on Christmas morning if we aren't together. Although by the time I've got DM trained NOT to say "I've got the stocking presents for you" in front of the DC they'll probably have stopped believing...

Sorry didn't mean that to come across like you're redirecting £500 just shocked she spends that on her other adult children and can't stretch to a £20 box of chocolates for you, when you get her gifts

Well I do as they are still my children. I can't imagine cutting them out like that. The only thing which has been changed is stocking/FC stuff as didn't want to confuse gc.

No, we take the view that Christmas is for everyone at any age,

It's been a small token gift since I've been old enough to understand why it has to be that way. So early to mid teens.
I'm expecting my Mum to knit me some socks (which I always appreciate). I will be getting her a book.