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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did my birthday become a horror?

108 replies

Ilikeknitting · 24/11/2018 20:09

So everyone has been making a big fuss about my birthday, it was a ‘biggy’ , and it ended up being a fiasco.
Dh had booked a ‘romantic getaway’, before we even arrived at our hotel we argued, more than once, and Dh said “do you want to go home” and I said “YES”, so be honest, would you have said the same? I mean, who would have said “ er, no, even after arguing I want to go to our ‘romantic’ destination “
Ordinarily, my husband and I have an amazing relationship , but one argument and he drove me home! and he’s struggling with why im being shitty it was my birthday ‘treat’ and it started so well, but I have been promised so much, I really don’t want to share a bed with him tonight. Our hotel room is empty, it’s in a bloody castle! I mean, a fucking castle!.... , I’m home and got Strictly on telly, that’s not what was promised, even this morning he was saying “ tomorrow morning you are in for a treat”

Yes, today was wonderful, and I had ‘forgiven’ him. Until the final bloody argument. He threw a strop at 9am because. I asked him to put the laundry on the clothes horse whilst I fed the cats! (We needed to be away at 9) He threw another tantrum because I didn’t tell him how his car seat should be (it was in the wrong position after the car was valeted)
Am I so wrong?

OP posts:
Witchofzog · 24/11/2018 22:16

Wtf am I actually reading. Dp was an absolute wanker and op.said she wanted to go home because she was upset and baffled by his behaviour, yet she is a drama llama? What she probably wanted was for him to say that he was sorry and to want to carry on with her birthday weekend. And a big birthday at that. She did nothing wrong but judging by the posts on here she is devil incarnate. I am sure if your dp / dh had been like this on your birthday you would not have been quite so understanding Confused

DeRigueurMortis · 24/11/2018 22:26

Ok - so you ditched an expensive birthday weekend because as two grown adults you argued about "something".

Well I don't know what you argued about and that's relevant.

However in general, you both sound like teenagers to me.

HellenaHandbasket · 24/11/2018 22:34

I agree witch, I think I'm reading this very differently to the majority of respondents. 🤔

NonaGrey · 24/11/2018 22:40

What she probably wanted was for him to say that he was sorry and to want to carry on with her birthday weekend

I’m sure that’s true Witch but then that’s what she should have said.

She’s not the devil incarnate but she has bitten off her nose to spite her face.

No one seems to have behaved very well in this situation.

I really hope the OP and her DH have apologised to each and gone back to the castle.

BlancheM · 24/11/2018 22:42

Yy to what witch said. Sounds like he sabotaged it with his foul mood and upset the OP. Why would she want a romantic trip with a whinging manchild? Then instead of him making amends, he took her word literally because he didn't really fancy the getaway after bigging it up so much. Ffs.

HaggisMuncher · 24/11/2018 22:42

Gah, what a shitty day OP. Hope you've cheered up and are enjoying your evening, whatever you're doing xx

maddening · 24/11/2018 22:46

Depends on the rows, what they were about, who caused them and what was said. From op it sounds like he was looking for reasons to kick off?

Vampiratequeen · 24/11/2018 22:50

Why did you say you wanted to go home if you didn't? You said you didn't want to go to the castle, was he supposed to take you against your will? Were you testing him? Not every argument needs an apology, me and my DH argue loads, if we are in the car we just listen to music until the anger has subsided and move on.
Arguing sucks, but it was you that ruined your birthday by telling him you wanted to go home. You should go to him say sorry and explain how it made you feel, if he is a grown up, he should then apologise too, if he doesn't then be angry at him and make him sleep on the sofa.

OzzyMadBat · 24/11/2018 23:24

Ach, sounds like a nightmare. He shouldn't have done the pass agg Do you want to go home? Dick move. You shouldn't have said yes. Self-sabotage.
I am too tight to flounce - if it's booked Danno we going, even if it takes all night. Glitterball Strictly's fab though.

DistanceCall · 24/11/2018 23:31

Dh said “do you want to go home” and I said “YES”

Ordinarily, my husband and I have an amazing relationship , but one argument and he drove me home!

You sound like a stroppy teenager, TBH.

KathyBates · 24/11/2018 23:37

Was the argument about the laundry because he was trying to get you out of the door on time rather than the actual chore itself?

He might be sulking now because he put a lot of effort/ thought/ money into your surprise and now it's ruined. I would feel the same.

You sound like hard work.

thinkful · 25/11/2018 00:58

Hopefully the lack of comment from OP is because they went back, not because she went to bed.

I think people here are being harsh.

Happy birthday OP. It sounds like just one of those stupid arguments... I would have definitely said the same if my DH asked me mid argument if I wanted to go home. He'd not have taken us home, even if he might have driven in that direction for a few miles.

I hope you went in the end and had a fabulous birthday!

Leonie87 · 25/11/2018 02:00

I’m confused. How can we possibly call the husband a wanker on the basis of the info provided?

Birdie6 · 25/11/2018 02:33

If it's your 40th - get over it. My husband totally forgot mine and I survived.

dustarr73 · 25/11/2018 03:02

Why did my birthday become a horror?

Because you and dp had a row.
And he asked you a question about wanting to go home.And you @Ilikeknitting said yes.So he done what you asked.

He cant win.

Move2WY · 25/11/2018 09:03

@Birdie6 just because you have a crap dh doesn’t mean the OP should accept the same treatment and get over it

LagunaBubbles · 25/11/2018 09:14

it's your 40th - get over it. My husband totally forgot mine and I survived

Its not a race to the bottom as far as crap husbands go. I wouldn't like to be married to someone as thoughtless as yours, just because you are doesn't mean others should just put up with it.

Lweji · 25/11/2018 09:24

Actually, asking if the OP wanted to go home is not a neutral question.
It's full of meaning.
It means "I think we'd rather go home because the night is ruined but I won't take responsibility for it, and instead will make you say it".

Unless the OP had already said she'd rather have stayed at home.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/11/2018 09:48

As we have no idea what the argument was about you cant blame the husband. They had argued earlier on and then had a nice day. Yes he was a twat to argue about the car seat, but if they were supposed to have left by 9 and were still faffing around at that time doing household chores then he was probably stressed they were late.

diddl · 25/11/2018 09:56

"He cant win."

Well he could start by not being a twat about house work & his car seat!

PodgeBod · 25/11/2018 10:15

Strongly agree that "do you want to go home then" is a loaded question.

I don't think you deserve a lot of the responses on here.

user1457017537 · 25/11/2018 10:20

It’s called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

luckylavender · 25/11/2018 10:23

You sound like my mother. Every day a new drama.

MrsStrowman · 25/11/2018 10:26

Hmmmm my DM does this to DF she'll delay leaving, get snippy with him when they're late even though it's her fault, will be quite abrupt eg 'hang that washing up I'm feeding the cat' , but will then tell us your dad was moaning again. She instigates, we've all seen it, with her tone/body language, but doesn't recognise she does so then blames DF for 'picking fights' when he says something like 'do you even want to go out' or 'I'm already doing it'. I'm more direct with her and will say if I think she's being rude or ask if she has the hump about something else.
Ultimately he asked if you wanted to go, you did no, he took you home. You wanted him to try and persuade you, he didn't, it's all very gameplay/immature.

OftenHangry · 25/11/2018 10:32

I would be a twat about being asked to hang laundry at 9 when we were supposed to leave at 9... And then it carries with you and you blow up over little stupid thing like a car seat because you are late and it's just a last drop.

IMHO op is a drama llama who actually caused this. Sorry.