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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did my birthday become a horror?

108 replies

Ilikeknitting · 24/11/2018 20:09

So everyone has been making a big fuss about my birthday, it was a ‘biggy’ , and it ended up being a fiasco.
Dh had booked a ‘romantic getaway’, before we even arrived at our hotel we argued, more than once, and Dh said “do you want to go home” and I said “YES”, so be honest, would you have said the same? I mean, who would have said “ er, no, even after arguing I want to go to our ‘romantic’ destination “
Ordinarily, my husband and I have an amazing relationship , but one argument and he drove me home! and he’s struggling with why im being shitty it was my birthday ‘treat’ and it started so well, but I have been promised so much, I really don’t want to share a bed with him tonight. Our hotel room is empty, it’s in a bloody castle! I mean, a fucking castle!.... , I’m home and got Strictly on telly, that’s not what was promised, even this morning he was saying “ tomorrow morning you are in for a treat”

Yes, today was wonderful, and I had ‘forgiven’ him. Until the final bloody argument. He threw a strop at 9am because. I asked him to put the laundry on the clothes horse whilst I fed the cats! (We needed to be away at 9) He threw another tantrum because I didn’t tell him how his car seat should be (it was in the wrong position after the car was valeted)
Am I so wrong?

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 24/11/2018 20:48

*too

WhyAmISoCold · 24/11/2018 20:48

Hang on, if my partner had picked fights with me because I had asked him to do something simple like hang up washing and then pick another fight with me because I should have sorted his sodding car seat, I wouldn't be wanting to spend a nice weekend with him either. And these are just the fights we know about. It sounds like there were more to follow.

What was the final fight about OP? I have a feeling there is a lot more to this than you have said.

Posters can give constructive advice without being knobs. Try it sometime. It will be a novelty for you.

Popc0rn · 24/11/2018 20:49

To be honest I'm struggling with how you fell out over some laundry and a car seat. Is there something more here?

I found my last "big birthday" a bit stressful, as lovely as the fuss was from people, it was all a bit overwhelming. My mum passed away years ago, but I missed her so much on the actual day, and ended up having a bit of a cry about it in the afternoon. DP was very understanding and asked me what I wanted to do that evening - we were meant to go to a fancy restaurant for dinner. I said I'd rather go to the local pub instead, so that's what we did. He asked me what I wanted to do, I said what I wanted and we did it. I'm sure there's more of a back story here but you can't really be mad at him for doing what you said you wanted to do. Though it sounds like he was being a bit of a dick before you set off.

Princessmushroom · 24/11/2018 20:51

I’m of the belief that everyone should be a Princess on their birthday (I mean it’s in my username). Sorry you’ve had a horrid day x

Strongmummy · 24/11/2018 20:51

@Alpaca - what of course I didn’t mention was that my 40th birthday was fab, but I was in the midst of a mid life crisis which 1 year on I’m still struggling with 🤣🤣

Yours sounds lovely xx

trojanpony · 24/11/2018 20:54

with the info provided I agree with this.

He asked you if you wanted to go home.

You said yes.

He took you home.

YABU.

billiby · 24/11/2018 20:56

I can totally imagine that happening to me OP, in fact very similar has happened on a big birthday. Flowers

NonaGrey · 24/11/2018 20:58

It then means that you end up either having to apologise or lose the event.

No it doesn’t.

The OP could have said, “I’m annoyed at you but I still want to go, let’s pull over and sort this out”

Alternatively she could have said “I’m annoyed at you but I still want to go. You hurt my feelings and I want you to apologise”

WhyamIsocold but the OP isn’t complaining because she didn’t want to spend the weekend with him. She’s complaining because she did want to but he took her at her word and cancelled.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/11/2018 21:05

OP, has he actually booked this castle? Have you seen the reservation confirmation? Maybe give reservations a call, just to see...

If there isn't one, it might explain the escalation that led to the row. He took a risk about you wanting to go home but under those circumstances, I think most women would.

Just double-check and then decide what you'll do from that point of knowledge.

HellenaHandbasket · 24/11/2018 21:11

It does sound like he wasn't being overly bothered about making the weekend special for you, bar supposedly making this grand gesture that he now gets to play the wounded martyr over.

Cherrysherbet · 24/11/2018 21:12

When you say this Birthday is a ‘biggy’..... are you 13 now? Congrats.

WeirdHandDryers · 24/11/2018 21:13

Miow

Legouni · 24/11/2018 21:13

Sorry for your ruined birthday OP Flowers

I’m sure everyone has had at least one silly argument that’s spiralled out of control (not talking about violence or anything, obviously that is always unacceptable)

I may be wrong but it sounds like there may be something else going on below the surface maybe? Are you ok?

MrsChollySawcutt · 24/11/2018 21:13

Wow, some people will go to any lengths to demonise the man in this situation.

OP said take me home, he took her home. What was he supposed to do?

bringbackthestripes · 24/11/2018 21:18

Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face. Confused I’m sure years from now you will be throwing what a crap big birthday you had back in his face.
The response to “do you want to go home?” Would have been any number of things other than “yes” if you didn’t want to end up on the sofa watching strictly.

sollyfromsurrey · 24/11/2018 21:21

Why did he throw a strop over hanging done laundry? Does he always do this?

Lweji · 24/11/2018 21:26

Hmmm

Do you think your DH deliberately picked a fight? My FIL does this to MIL whenever she’s centre of attention.

What I was thinking.

Still, it's always better not to rise to it, stop and to ask him why he's trying to pick up a fight. (easier said than done)

OTOH, you did say you wanted to go home. Surely you could have still gone to the castle and make up over a bottle of wine and, presumably, a lit fireplace.

OlennasWimple · 24/11/2018 21:30

I'm hoping OP hasn't returned to the thread because she is on her way to the castle having made up with her DH

InfiniteVariety · 24/11/2018 21:34

Ever heard the phrase "cutting off your nose to spite your face" OP?
If you really wanted to be in the castle tonight, you shouldn't have answered "yes".

You both sound pretty childish. If it's true that you have "an amazing relationship" surely you should both be able to prevent such petty issues escalating into something that spoils a special occasion?

LagunaBubbles · 24/11/2018 21:35

Well you did say you wanted to go home!

TheQueef · 24/11/2018 21:37

Me too Olenas there are one or two catty people on this thread.

Honeyroar · 24/11/2018 21:50

It just seems such a shame that you've lost out on your birthday treat and he's spent all that money for nothing over a stupid squabble. If one of you were mature enough to actually try and talk, say you wish you were there, wish that you hadn't squabbled, would you be able to still go?

Batteriesallgone · 24/11/2018 21:56

I’m hoping she’s gone alone lol

But I think I’m just daydreaming of ever being alone again

M3lon · 24/11/2018 22:01

completely disagree with 40 being a nightmare....I took the morning off work and made my new lego mindstorm robot with my daughter. I might also have eaten a lot of chocolate.

Brilliant!

SassitudeandSparkle · 24/11/2018 22:06

so be honest, would you have said the same?

No.

It is unclear what you fought about in the car on the way there. But if you didn't want to go home, you shouldn't have said you did.