Why did my birthday become a horror?

[Ilikeknitting]

So everyone has been making a big fuss about my birthday, it was a ‘biggy’ , and it ended up being a fiasco.
Dh had booked a ‘romantic getaway’, before we even arrived at our hotel we argued, more than once, and Dh said “do you want to go home” and I said “YES”, so be honest, would you have said the same? I mean, who would have said “ er, no, even after arguing I want to go to our ‘romantic’ destination “
Ordinarily, my husband and I have an amazing relationship , but one argument and he drove me home! and he’s struggling with why im being shitty it was my birthday ‘treat’ and it started so well, but I have been promised so much, I really don’t want to share a bed with him tonight. Our hotel room is empty, it’s in a bloody castle! I mean, a fucking castle!.... , I’m home and got Strictly on telly, that’s not what was promised, even this morning he was saying “ tomorrow morning you are in for a treat”

Yes, today was wonderful, and I had ‘forgiven’ him. Until the final bloody argument. He threw a strop at 9am because. I asked him to put the laundry on the clothes horse whilst I fed the cats! (We needed to be away at 9) He threw another tantrum because I didn’t tell him how his car seat should be (it was in the wrong position after the car was valeted)
Am I so wrong?

Sounds like he was itching for a fight and now you're both martyring yourselves. He caused a fight but now gets to play the wounded party and was planning this amazing surprise for you,you miss out on a weekend away. only you know whether he was just irritating, in which case you should kiss and make up, or out of order, on which case you are in the difficult position of not being unreasonable to not apologise but equally wanted to have a fun weekend...

Play stupid games; win stupid prizes.

Sounds like you self sabotaged and fucked the whole thing up.

I’m afraid he asked if you wanted to go home and you said yes, so he took you home.

That was meant to say, he gets to play wounded party because he booked a weekend and you ruined it, but actually he did by picking a fight repeatedly.

Does he do that often?

If he’d continued driving to the hotel you’d have been aghast that he hasn’t listened to you and probably kicked up an fuss about him taking you against your will.

However, the person in the couple who first says the event-ending statement like ‘maybe we just shouldn’t go, maybe we should leave, do you want to cancel’ etc is usually playing with fire as if their spouse says ‘yep’, you’ve both fucked any chance of overcoming the spat and going on to have a nice time.

I seriously can't figure out the timeline on this .

Why were still at home doing chores at 9 am if that's when you had to leave? Was that the first argument of the day? Then more arguments happened culminating with taking you home?

Yep you got what you wanted - you went home.

Stop playing stupid games.if you're having a milestone birthday worthy of an overnight stay at a fucking castle you are way too old for that pouting princess shit.

How do you know it was him that repeatedly picked a fight?

@Strongmummy I kept it simply and low key for 40 - apart from anything else there'd been a recent death in the family. Actually it was splendid, probably because it hadn't been planned as anything more than '8 - ish at *pub see you there if you can make it', and turned into a very wonderful curry more or less by accident.

41 was a shared mini festival with a couple of bands and all sorts of other fun stuff. It was brilliant.

Sounds ott. Hoping itsnot your tenth birthdayas goes sound abit childish. Get off mumnet and talk to him like an adult and op...use this birthday to grow up. Whats wrong with a castle.

I am kind of on ops sode with this. She didn’t really want to go home she wanted her dh to stop and say come on lets stop arguing and enjoy your birthday and the treats i have for you. Instead he seems to have spent the morning being difficult and winding her uo and when she finally snapped and said hastily she wanted to go home he obliged. Which imo is a dick move on his part.

You're both a couple of unhinged drama queens. FGS.

It looks to me as if your DH can't read your mind.

Many people can't read other people's minds. The way to teach them is to sit on the couch watching Strictly* with steam coming out your ears.

*Any silly tv show really...

Op....a vvvvv closefamily memberdied on one of landmark birthdays. Best birthday celebration for me is in front of the telly, good bottle of mine, chocolate and family to share it with

I'm thinking that you should have fed the cats & left without him.

He sounds pathetic.

He does rather. If he really wanted her to have the amazing weekend wouldn't he have put the effort in to leaving and helping etc?

Drama llama.

You cut off your nose to spite your face. You self sabotaged (I do that too, so not having a go, just looking at it as an outsider).

Does DH usually pick fights on special days

You had a couple of little arguments, that happens especially when stressed. My DP and I have been known to argue before we go away somewhere.

He asked you if you wanted to go home and you said yes. I do think YABU, those petty little arguments should have been dropped so that you could enjoy your birthday. He took you home like you wanted.

Is it too late to go there?

why do you think it did

Do you think your DH deliberately picked a fight?

My FIL does this to MIL whenever she’s centre of attention.

DH tried doing it to me in the early years of our marriage but I just called him out on it ‘you are stressed at the build up and expectation so you are self-sabotaging. I won’t accept it and I won’t be your collateral damage for your insecurities’.

In your situation I wouldn’t have said I want to go home I’d have said, it’s my birthday, drive me to the castle and then YOU can feck off home you moody git

I to have some sympathy for you OP.
He have a strop with you because his seat wasn't in the correct position and you asked him to put out some laundry?

He sounds a knob.

I agree with the person who said they think he was BU asking if you want to go home in the middle of an argument. It then means that you end up either having to apologise or lose the event. Did he want to go home do you think?