To feel so joyless

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I am really finding it hard to see any joy in anything. Work has been incredibly pressured lately and I've find it stressful and unrewarding to juggle that with being a single parent of 3. I've decided that no one would ever want a single parent as a partner and I've no time or energy for that anyway, so that feels a bit bleak too.

Then there are Christmas markets, Christmas parties, flavoured christmas vodkas etc. Stuff I would have maybe enjoyed in a previous life, I now just have no interest in. I feel like Scrooge.
My kids keep getting nits and I'm.constantly treating and combing. They lose clothes when they are at their dad's and I have to keep replacing them. Their dad has them every other weekend but they are sleeping at his mum's as he doesn't have much room, so that's not ideal either as she's elderly and forgetful. But I don't feel I can cope without those weekends.
I feel like I'm just going from work to home, work to home and there's no joy. Absolutely none.

These are all little things really, so I don't know why I'm feeling so grumpy. I'm on my own this Christmas as well and I'm worrying about money so that doesn't feel great.

I'm also super anxious. I ran a competition for kids I teach and I don't know how they did yet. It's pretty prestigious. It's been a nightmare to do and I'm panicking that I haven't heard anything because it's been a terrible disaster and my reputation at work is ruined.

I feel exactly the same. Busy job, three kids (two with Sen) and a not overly helpful husband. No advice really as I just feel like I go from A to B with no joy in between.

I find the winter months also add to a general feeling of being down. On top of usual stresses. I started taking vitamin D
3 weeks ago. Last few days my mood seems to be lifting. I take a high strength one from vitabiotics. Got it in Tesco.

I don't think the winter is helping. I wish I could feel like I was looking forward to something.

I just feel really lonely and I'm not sleeping properly because I'm worrying.

Could you do something just for you which you would enjoy the weekends the dcs are with their df such as:
Leisurely breakfast at home or in favourite cafe
Meeting a friend for lunch or evening in the pub
Exercise class or park run
Playing your music really loudly and having a luxurious bath
Resurecting a hobby
Go to a show, exhibition, film
Giving yourself a facial, manicure, pedicure
Watch a film at home with some wine and crisps
Join a book club or pub quiz team
Inviting friends round for wine, nibbles and gossip

Your life does sound difficult. I can see why you feel you have no energy but can you maybe try adn organise nice things to do on your weekends without the kids? So that you have something to look forward to on a regular basis? I find that helps with life enormously.

In time, that may be the start to feeling a bit more energy which may lead to other improvements.

@Farontothemaddingcrowd I’m finding loneliness hard too. And I don’t feel I have the energy to try and tackle it. What do you do on the weekends without the kids?

I could do. I guess I just don't have the motivation to do anything and I'm not sure why.

I have a good friend who is a single parent to 3 and she has a lovely boyfriend. Get yourself on a date on a child free weekend, it'll get you out if nothing else.

I’m in a very similar position - single parent to 3 children, fulltime professional role that I really enjoy but is hard work, no family nearby, ex sees kids but essentially takes no responsibility & they don’t ever stay with him so no break.
I really work hard not to be self-pitying & realise I’m lucky but it’s endlessly lonely, I’m really struggling with money and it’s all exhausting.
OP I think myself that the money aspect & doing it on your own are huge. If you had less financial strain, and someone sharing the load, there’d be more space for finding life joyful.
No help but I hear you & I’m sorry

im like this at the moment. Everythings lost its shine. Low level depression.
I am still enjoying some things a bit, so I am not counting it as a full on episode, but I need to watch it

I don't have any hugely useful advice, because that all sounds really hard, but just wanted to send you

I have had someone I've been dating who comes over sometimes, but he often irritates me and I feel suffocated.
A few Saturdays I've had to work.
I do nice things sometimes but I feel like it's the day to day stuff dragging me down.
Last week I had two different open evenings till 8.30. This week I have a prize giving evening and a parents eve. I'm begging for childcare from different sources and it's getting too much. I was working this sat morn for this competition that I've spent hours and hours organising. I feel sick with worry. Sometimes I have to leave 13 year old dd in charge if it's just an hour or two, but it's not ideal as they fight. I can't sustain this.

is there anything you can change ?

I'm not sure. I've just got a promotion at work so it's hard to drop extra work, but for my sanity I need to.

that's me as well. Child free weekends are joyless.

Yes. It's hard. I also think going out and dating new people isn't a great idea when I'm already feeling lonely and crap. Online dating isn't good if you feel a bit vulnerable.

You need to Book Stuff In. Get tickets to the cinema in a couple of weeks time. Plan a weekend away. Book a holiday. You need to break up the monotony.

I've thought about that but at Christmas time booking a holiday isn't a good idea. I'm trying to clear a lot of debt from a new kitchen and a summer holiday I couldn't really afford. Cinema could be good but I'm not sure it will sustain me for two weeks.

Oh bless you. That’s a lot. My husband was feeling similar to you, anxious, not sleeping, finding work a strain. This was going on for a while. He wasn’t someone I would have considered depressed, because he was functioning so well and not going around being miserable, in the end the doctor convinced him to try citalopram and it’s made such a huge difference. He says it feels like he’s been given his life back. Is it worth seeing the doctor?

It sounds like you're depressed.. and with good reason. Have you spoken to your gp? Counselling and/or anti-ds might help. I know drugs aren't always the answer, but sometimes they are. Even just to give yourself some mental breathing space.

I have taken sertraline before and it did help me. I will see if I can get in touch with the GP again. Thank you for the support on here, it's really helping.

know drugs aren't always the answer, but sometimes they are. Even just to give yourself some mental breathing space.

^^

This OP. It does sound like you're in the grip of depression and seeing your GP and potentially getting some medication to help feels like something you should do.

Sounds tough so try and look after yourself

I think what is unusual for me is that I used to care about what I looked like and was always described as being quite glam. Now I couldn't care less, because I don't see the point.
The teacher who stayed at this competition today hasn't texted to say how they've done. In my head that means there's been a disaster. I don't know if I'm thinking rationally. I keep eating today as well because I feel so tense. I've had two caramel cookies, a bag of microwave butter popcorn, some sweet potato wedges, a Greggs festive bake, some sweets, my daughter's left over Apple pie and crumble and a pot noodle.

I think I do have a lot of the symptoms of depression.
Someone suggested I meditate which is probably really sensible as an idea but it just felt ridiculous to me.