To feel so joyless

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I am really finding it hard to see any joy in anything. Work has been incredibly pressured lately and I've find it stressful and unrewarding to juggle that with being a single parent of 3. I've decided that no one would ever want a single parent as a partner and I've no time or energy for that anyway, so that feels a bit bleak too.

Then there are Christmas markets, Christmas parties, flavoured christmas vodkas etc. Stuff I would have maybe enjoyed in a previous life, I now just have no interest in. I feel like Scrooge.
My kids keep getting nits and I'm.constantly treating and combing. They lose clothes when they are at their dad's and I have to keep replacing them. Their dad has them every other weekend but they are sleeping at his mum's as he doesn't have much room, so that's not ideal either as she's elderly and forgetful. But I don't feel I can cope without those weekends.
I feel like I'm just going from work to home, work to home and there's no joy. Absolutely none.

These are all little things really, so I don't know why I'm feeling so grumpy. I'm on my own this Christmas as well and I'm worrying about money so that doesn't feel great.

I'm also super anxious. I ran a competition for kids I teach and I don't know how they did yet. It's pretty prestigious. It's been a nightmare to do and I'm panicking that I haven't heard anything because it's been a terrible disaster and my reputation at work is ruined.

Just wanted to send

You've got a ton of stress on and are a lp. Plus the time of year. So it's hard and it's okay to feel low for now. Sounds like you're exhausted? How about a week of early nights. And, ditch anything and everything that is non essential, anything you don't want to do. Might sound silly, but how about writing down on a piece of paper everything that's on your mind. Can help.
Also, if you haven't already, write down your finances and make a plan. The money worries will be a lot of stress. If you need an ultra low key Christmas then do that.
good luck OP

I've woken up feeling awful. I wake up with a sense of dread. It's really horrible.

It does sound like depression. That being said, do you feel that if life was different you in turn would feel different?

I think possibly but I just can't motivate myself or think straight at the moment. I am worrying about not being able to get through to the GP

faron you really do have too much in for one person. My first thought was that meditation would help but I always feel too silly saying it because mumsnet is such a practical, no-nonsense sort of place.

But honestly, it is really very helpful. You set aside 10 minutes at either side of the day (I know it’s more use of time but it is so worth it). It just somehow clears your head.
Most people feel silly at first but like anything else, once you get into a pattern you wouldn’t be without it.

My very lovely perinatal psychiatrist said the symptom of not being able to find joy in anything was the defining symptom of depression. As in, if you have it, you are depressed.
Add on anxiety and this sounds like quite major depression.
Please go to the GP ASAP. If medication helps, let it get you to a better place, then look at your life and think if there are any changes you can make to help you stay in the better place.

Yoga and Pilates are meant to be meditative, as is running long distances, or swimming long distances, in that you sometimes go into a kind of trance.
But they take time, as you know.
You can just sit on a chair in your bedroom ten minutes before the kids get up, and meditate.

But I agree that in the short term a more acute solution (medication?) sounds what you need - perhaps learning mediation is for later when you’re looking at making changes.

Someone suggested I meditate which is probably really sensible as an idea but it just felt ridiculous to me.

I have a code for a free month of the Headspace app, it’s obligation-free (they send me codes sometimes because I use it so much). Am happy to give it to you if you’re interested in trying it, just PM me.

Obviously meditation isn’t a magic bullet with so many things going on, but I manage depression, stress and anxiety fairly successfully and I swear by Headspace.

I have had the joyless thing for a while. Things that I used to be excited about like Christmas now just fill me with anxiety and I have been having difficulty leaving the house at all except for work. I went to the doctor about it and talked about medication but then found out I was pregnant two hours later so didn't start on anything. Ironically I think the pregnancy was in all honesty an attempt to generate something to look forward to and break out of the work/childcare rut. I am not sure it is going to work...

From what you've said I agree with others that medication may help.

I feel the same. No joy in anything. Feel flat and/or anxious constantly. Life just feels like something to be endured not enjoyed. It's such an effort to smile. So sorry you're feeling this way. The gloomy weather doesn't help one bit either.

Longer term building yoga etc in is a great idea but right now, you need immediate help.

Anti depressants might benefit you. Equally if contraception nisnt an issue, At Johns wort and vitamin D might help first.

I totally agree with PP. I was grumpy, lethargic and struggling to cope before diagnosed with vitamin D deficiency. It made such a difference to my mood and energy levels and how I felt. It took 6 weeks or so but what a difference.

Equally, CBT or talking therapies might be helpful

Go and see the GP and take it from there. But sending because feeling crap at this time of year sucks.

Thank you all. The difficulty I have is getting something like a telephone consultation with a GP etc as I teach and I'm in front of a class at 8.30 when you're meant to ring up for appointments. I'm going to try to ring at lunch for an emergency appointment. I maybe need to tell someone but I'm not sure how they could help.

It's interesting the lovely and helpful responses I've had. Thank you. I posted a couple of weeks ago as my bulimia had resurfaced (seems to have stopped now as is the pattern) as a response to stress and some people were really quite awful about it and didn't seem to recognise it as an illness.

Hi Op, definitely reads like a post I could have written. I manage depression and anxiety which makes me feel like the rope in tug of war - depression robs me of the ability to take care of myself and anxiety keeps pushing me to soldier on - all I want to do is hide in those times. Going to the GP and later taking sertraline helps. Mind mental health charity have loads of information and support resources so if you get a chance check them out. Start to think about the small things that make you feel something that can bring a smile or distract you and start listing them so that you know what they are. Four things really helped me and I still do (not perfectly) time myself 5 minutes on timer to do tasks (when it’s teally bad I put 1 minute on timer) then tackle something as my depression can get debilitating. I also downloaded / listen to stand up on earphones when travelling to work etc ... that makes me laugh and usually helps. I also send texts to myself listing the good things that happened in the day to help reframe my mind positively. And my most fave one - hide in the toilets - no one disturbs you there!! Please look after yourself and you can get through this 💪🏼

I'm sorry you are feeling this way OP. My get up and go got up and left, slamming the door behind it a few months ago. I thought it was due to my kids going off to uni and feeling a bit bereft, but due to some other symtoms I went to my gp and had a blood test. Turns out I am anaemic and after reading the symtoms its one reason why I have been sooo shattered. What I am saying is, it does sound like you are depressed and have a lot on your plate, but it might be worth asking for a blood test to rule out anything medical, and if there is nothing wrong there, then I really would give the antidepressants a go. They've helped me in the past, and they have helped my kids.
I hope you find your joy soon

I do have very heavy periods and last year had iron deficiency anaemia, low folate and low b12. I had some injections of b12 and took some iron but it makes me feel sick. I think iron is up now but my ferritin was extremely low - 7 I think.

I’ve had similar feelings of exhaustion and lack of joy. Earlier in the year I was diagnosed as deficient in vitamin d. Treatment for that helped but from Sept on I went downhill again. I went to the doctor who suggested it might be SAD and to try light therapy.
Within a week I felt infinitely better. I strongly recommend trying this.

She’s also recommended CBT and I have my first session in a couple of weeks.

I have had a period for 10 days so far now so maybe that could explain it a bit

If you joined a group - running, walking, meetup (there will be different meetup groups where you are depending on the size of the town), crafts, once you've gone a few times it is so nice to be greeted and welcomed by the others when you arrive. Obviously it will take longer as not all your weekends are free but def worth a try.

Sorry you are feeling low.

But as an aside - nits are a total utter pain you don't need - so on a practical note try using a hair oil containing dimethicone on them after every wash as a preventer against them re-catching nits in the first place. Put it on when hair still wet after bath or shower then dry as usual. Then the suckers more likely to set up home elsewhere.

We like garnier ultimate blends

The thing is, I have friends who I could see at the weekend. I've just deliberately withdrawn from them as I can't face it.

The nits tip is a good one, thank you. Think their dad's stepdd isn't being treated and they get them every time they go.

Think sometimes seeing friends can feel like a chore. Maybe that's why your date feels irritating. Always people wanting stuff....esp if you're a teacher. I get sick of always being at people's beck and call myself.

On your weekends without the kids could you do something on your own to clear your head? eg a swim or a nice long walk somewhere

Then you might feel more sociable after?

Yes I do feel like people are always wanting things from me. I think I might be physically unwell actually - anaemia makes sense.
My boss at work was talking about a tripod of health, work and personal life and how if one is off you can be off balance, but if two are you can find it difficult to function.