Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

[Staceyjas]

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks

Exactly marta (said something similar upthread )

It all depends on the situation really. Me personally would never dream of asking for money! I don't expect wine etc off my guests either..if I have invited them, it's up to me to cater for them!
But if this has been a family tradition for years, and now all of a sudden she is struggling financially then of course I would pay.

Maybe secretly she is fed up of cooking for everybody? Or family members in the past have not brought things or asked her if she needs help on the day?

I guess it's a question of "know your audience"

If you come from a family who don't mind chipping in, a request probably wouldn't hurt - but then, if the family's like that you probably wouldn't need to ask in the first place

In principle I believe "the host pays", but like most of my friends I'm incapable of going anywhere empty-handed so somehow it's never come to that. The only times I've seen this fail is when the balance of give and take gets a bit skewed, maybe if someone new to a group doesn't like the way things are done ... and then there's no obligation to ask them again!!

I only have the 4 of us for actual Christmas Dinner and I wouldn't expect that to cost more than £30. I may well have my sister over for another meal over Christmas and would not expect any contribution but next time we have a meal together it would be at her house so it works out fair.

If you can't afford to cater for people don't invite people would be my take on it, aside from people bringing a bottle or pre arranged bringing a pudding or something.

I give my mum money towards Christmas day. It's expensive and she stands and cooks it all. Why should she then pay for it all too? I also save and give her my Tesco points vouchers towards it too.

Surely a nicer way to do it is to either:

1. alternate who hosts Christmas dinner? So the cost is never all just one households.

2. ask people to bring/ cover the cost of a specific ingredient/ part of the meal. Then it's a real group activity. So X person sorta the Christmas pudding, y person the cheese, z gets the pigs in blankets. This means you can also distribute things based on who can afford what...

Wouldn't dream of ever charging. When I host, I pay for everything. We have never catered for more than 10. When it's other family member to host, they pay.
I cannot believe how people have managed to get their shopping for £70.00! We would spend more than that for fizz, desserts & cheese, never mind the meal.
We don't buy just for Christmas Day, but for the whole week. This is the shop of the year, we spend squillions!
I can't believe she's charging her son?

I am in utter disbelief that a couple are spending their Christmas day apart because ' other relative wanted to go posh @ £150 per head??' Surely this is agreed well in advance? If it was a new relationship and prior booked that's fine, but you're married and spending a special day apart because you didn't just say NO ! It's just not normal or acceptable.

I wish my DB would let me pay. He does ask us each to bring contributions and I bring plenty of what has been requested plus a few extras and a extra gift for DB and DBIL but I know it doesn't cover the cost of them hosting me as a guest for the best part of a week and all of the lovely meals as well as their time and effort in the run up to Christmas, the mental load of hosting too. I help cook and wash up but I'd feel better to pay my way but they won't have it. (DB is rich). Same when our DPs host.

No, but I would ask people to bring things that would make part of the meal.

Hosting at Christmas is a privilege so if you can't even afford to do it then don't.

I went to SIL last year, it wasn’t Christmas just before, she sent us a bill afterwards without discussing before a bill for £70 😮 She didn’t charge any other family member. We bought 10 bottles of wine and a couple of bottles of champagne, we also bought a desert. My husband paid it without telling me, I was livid, he said I was over reacting 🙄

Did you have a thread about that Gin? It rings a bell.

Yes

We won’ be going again, glad we don’t have to see them again 😊

Oh well, worked out for the best in the end then 😊

I assume that anyone who charges needs the money. So I’d be fine with it. An ex friend of mine charged me and my ex £15 each for an xmas dinner in December one year that her husband cooked for the four of us. We didn’t mind comtributing, though we did both agree we didn’t eat anywhere near £30 worth of food in total, especially as they were very stingy/protective over their alcohol and other drinks so it seemed excessive imo.

My SIL family are millionaires, she hasn’t worked in 20 years and bought her daughter a £750 handbag that year so no, they don’t need the money

I would be quite happy to cover my costs. Those of you saying ‘height of rudeness’, ‘don’t host of you can’t afford it’ might mean that what could have been a lovely family day means people are too worried to host when they simply can’t afford to pay for everyone. I would much rather pay cash for someone else to do it their way that faff about bringing pigs in blanket (fair enough if it works for you). I think people need to be realistic. I host a Boxing Day party. We feed everyone but my mates are piss heads so I tell them to bring loads of booze. If they brought one bottle per family we’d be dry by 5pm. We buy around 12 bottles of wine plus a punch and some spirits. They still come so hope they don’t mind.

Genuine question, Gin96 ... why on earth did they do it??

Even when utterly in the wrong folk generally find a way to justify it to themselves somehow, even if the "reason's" completely barking, so I just wondered what theirs was?

It's not OK to charge your guests. If you can't afford to host, then don't.

It is, of course, absolutely fine to spread the cost by everyone contributing a different dish/item, but that is something that needs to be agreed at the invitation stage.

My family's Christmases go on for several days with an extended family (like 15-20 people). You don't get charged per head but at the end there's a bit of discreet totting up and the different households chip in to pay their share. Seems ok to me, especially if the host has all the hassle of house guests (bedding, cleaning and so on) as well as the food.

I'm perfectly happy to pay (means I don't have to step inside a shop) or bring stuff.. its usually my job to bring puddings (4 different types), different types of creams, crackers to eat, crackers to pull and booze.

No problem with that what's so ever.

@ puzzle no idea I think it’s a control thing with SIL, she constantly has to feel superior to everyone all the time. It actually makes me feel fiscally sick when i’m in their company, so relieved I don’t have to see them again but my husband misses his brother which is sad

I suppose it depends on what kind of family you are. In ours, the incomes vary greatly, so I will host and just say bring a bottle, but if someone else wants to host, I'll offer to bring a few dishes/the cheese board/ dessert and bring loads of extras. It's about spending time together with no-one feeling like they are having to provide for all.
I wouldn't think twice about chipping in if that's what worked for the host.