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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

531 replies

Staceyjas · 24/11/2018 15:31

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
HappyBumbleBee · 25/11/2018 17:35

I would never ever ask for money if I had invited someone for dinner - Christmas or not. If I couldn't afford to cover it, I wouldn't invite people, simple as that!
I've never been invited to dinner and been asked for money either.
I always ask if I can bring anything, and anyone I ask would do the same - bottle wine, dessert etc but asking for money - absolutely not!

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 25/11/2018 17:36

If you invite people then you foot the bill.
I personally would never charge anyone for anything.
especially when it’s her choice to order in overpriced (and usually pretty bland) food.

PumpkinKitty82 · 25/11/2018 17:38

Nope, I think it’s a bloody cheek .
I do Christmas dinner for 11 adults and 1 child and i’d never dream of asking for money .
If I ever got to the point I couldn’t afford it then I just wouldn’t offer to do it!

jacqroberts68 · 25/11/2018 17:39

No I wouldn't charge but why don't we do what the Americans do, they bring food. They wouldn't dream of going to any party without food plus it saves all that work and you get to try different recipes.

Gilld69 · 25/11/2018 17:40

personally no i wouldnt we have 7 adults 3 kids . if they want to bring anything thats fine they have offered at times to buy some of the meat but its not a problem . we do a roast for them all twice a month if they dont come here we send it round

Misschiff · 25/11/2018 17:41

What a SCROOGE! Christmas should not be about making someone pay for a meal you’re OFFERING. I can make an entire Christmas dinner for £17 no problem. £400 🤣 gold plated turkey by any chance!?

jessebuni · 25/11/2018 17:43

I’ve never heard of this either. We don’t do Christmas dinner at ours are either my parents or his do it every year and have bigger houses and kitchens etc however we will bring dessert and/or wine, chocolates, cheese and biscuits or even some of the meat so that we split the cost a bit. Also my family know that in a few years when we have bigger houses and they are possibly downsizing then it will swap and we will be the ones hosting and they will be bringing some things.

Blahblahblah111 · 25/11/2018 17:43

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Knittink · 25/11/2018 17:44

Ugh no! If you can't afford to host, don't host.

kateryan · 25/11/2018 17:44

Well for the past 26 years we have hosted xmas every year, numbers vary from 3 to 30 (mostly the upper end only twice just 3 of us). We have never asked for a contribution either financially or with produce for the meal. We, if asked state wine or drink and that's about it. If we couldn't afford it we wouldn't do it. Having family and friends here is top of our priority list. They do help with physical things where they can (load dishwasher make tea top up my glass). we wouldn't change it for the world and think we are extremely lucky and fortunate to have them here with us. We would much rather that than receive gifts, feel sad for those who have no one. Would we pay if asked & visiting another home, to be honest we really don't know, we suppose it would depend on the hosts. We don't have any that we can think of that would ask for a contribution.

QueenoftheNights · 25/11/2018 17:46

Is this a wind up? This was in the news last year and all over the daily fail etc.

Sb74 · 25/11/2018 17:50

I think it’s quite weird to charge anyone for dinner at your house, never mind your own family on Christmas Day. Sounds very weird to me. I would never charge my children at any age to eat in my home. Everyone is different but I’d never do or except that.

Adele1981 · 25/11/2018 17:51

Our family goes to my mothers for Christmas dinner every year and have never paid or contributed.
This year we are going to give £15 each and take a bottle to help with the cost as I just seems unfair my mum gives presents and then spends a fortune on dinner. Drinks etc

Hope this helps

Xx

EthelHornsby · 25/11/2018 17:53

We are having a family Christmas meal at my MIL’s - we are spread out all over the country and she is very elderly. My daughter is doing an online food order to be delivered there, and we are all sharing the cost (MIL excluded). We did it this way last year, and it worked just fine. MIL provides the premises and the kitchen, and everyone helps with the cooking. It’s not reasonable to expect one person to pay for the whole lot, it adds up - especially if it’s the same person every year

Lindaaelizabeth · 25/11/2018 17:57

Perhaps the ‘local student ‘ would prefer to have dinner with their own family

DaphneBroonsHandbag · 25/11/2018 17:58

Ha those of you who 'wouldn't dream of asking' probably don't have to host for loads of people every year.

Sorry you're wrong. I host every year for between 18 and 20 and would never charge.

CakeNinja · 25/11/2018 17:59

We host every for between 20-24 people. An extra 6 join us in the evening.
It’s fucking expensive, around £1,000 for the days food.
We don’t ask for any food contributions because we don’t want the hassle of people being ill and then not having something, or turning up late or whatever.
Easier for us to provide everything and that way we know it’s done.
If we couldn’t afford it, we wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t ask for contributions, we’d just go out to eat if we couldn’t afford to host everyone.
We have the house with the biggest dining table and downstairs space in my family, and we can afford to host and put on a good day for my side of the family.
Everyone is different, you do what works for you.
I couldn’t fall out over it though, if your dp doesn’t want to pay and instead come over to you, will he be upsetting his family?

a1poshpaws · 25/11/2018 18:03

My family when my parents were alive regularly hosted Christmas dinnner for a minimum of 7; they weren't well off while I was growing up but they would have rather had teeth pulled with no anaesthetic than asked for money. Nobody ever contributed either, Mum just budgeted carefully through the year. I feel slightly horrified by the idea, but maybe others are right and it is too expensive for your partner's mother this year. Difficult one.

Kemer2018 · 25/11/2018 18:03

No I wouldn't but that's because i don't do it every year. When i do it, its just for us and my parents.
Next day, us and the parent in laws ( who bring loads of food n drink)....not the vile sil. She's not welcome for any money.

Leontine · 25/11/2018 18:10

I’ve never heard of this, apart from when you’re having your dinner in a restaurant of course.

Surely if you don’t want to foot the bill then you just don’t offer to host?

Weathermonger · 25/11/2018 18:17

When my inlaws hosted (3 sons plus families) we would all split the meal between us - MIL the turkey, we took care of all the rest. Now we are hosting, (for fewer people) we take care of everything. The PIL slip my husband a bit of cash, he has always protested, but they feel better for making a contribution. We have a nice meal and everyone is happy.

orphanblack1 · 25/11/2018 18:19

we've offered to split cost this year - MIL normally buys/cooks it but family take booze. My partner and I always also take some form of food (rest don't) but MIL now no longer has the income she had so we're all going to contribute (she won't have herself not contributing at all) - not yet sure if its to be a cash contribution or peeps taking responsibility for certain things. Think only right in circumstances.

MissConductUS · 25/11/2018 18:20

No I wouldn't charge but why don't we do what the Americans do, they bring food.

Hear, hear. We went to my brother's house for Thanksgiving and brought all of the appetizers, sides and desert. All my SIL had to do was the turkey and stuffing. This shares the work as well as the expense. If we didn't do it this way I doubt she'd want to host.

Palaver1 · 25/11/2018 18:32

Sharing the cost ...not charging sure she feels uncomfortable as well but dont let that spoil your relationship or the day

iLoveFoood · 25/11/2018 18:35

No that's very odd
We all go to mums for Xmas dinner
She cooks and provides all food

Other family members spend day €100 on alcohol, another one buys all the sweets, another buys all the crisps