Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

[Staceyjas]

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks

Funny how your partner isn’t disturbed by his Mum funding and cooking an expensive meal on her own. I personally wouldn’t charge but then I wouldn’t host so frequently either. Your OH sense of entitlement/ cheapness I find more outrageous than parting with 17 quid, would he really cancel going to his Mother’s for 17 quid?

He can huff and puff and say it’s on principle but it’s obvious, he thinks he’s entitled to a free lunch and is prepared to change his plans to achieve this, CF.

Lol of course not ! If you cannot afford to host dont !

A friend's DM charged him, his 2 brothers and their DPs £50 a head for Christmas dinner once!

No one I know would dream of 'charging' people to share food with them at their house. For me it's abhorrent. However no one I know would not realise that catering for many at Christmas is extremely expensive and either give them some tokens for a supermarket in a card or just send some money to their bank account
So for me it's complete cheapness to ask and complete cheapness not to offer

What isn’t fair is your DH thinking it’s his mum’s god given duty to pay £100s every year on premade or diy Christmas dinner. He’s a grown man of course he should contribute

This - and there's a lot of work in a Christmas dinner as well - preparation, cooking and clearing up takes a lot of time. Why shouldn't she have an easy day too?

For me it's abhorrent.

For his mum to say she can't afford it and can't they all chip in £17?

Strange.

lazymare why is my opinion 'strange'? It's probably different to yours, that doesn't make it strange or unusual.
We can only write our opinions based on our own life experiences and as I've said I don't know a single person who would ask family for money to share a meal. I also don't know anyone who wouldn't actually offer. Those are the people I know, that is my own experience

I have never asked for money for Christmas dinner but it costs us a boat load more than £17 pp when we do.

I think that it's a bit shitty of the op's do to complain though. Why doesn't he offer to host instead? ( I haven't rtft, no doubt I'll be told that he lives in the smallest flat in the world with only a Bunsen burner to cook on).

Who are all these people who come to the homes of others and don’t help! How unbelievably rude! I host every year as I don’t want to go anywhere else. I always say I’m delighted to have any guests who’d like to join us. Last year we just had MIL, this year we’ve my parents and extended family but everyone pitches in! Everyone standing around the kitchen and peeling and chopping and chatting is one of the highlights of the season!

Mum and I will do the big shop this year. I’ve been saving vouchers for it. I may park her in a queue with an empty trolley while I run around and do the shopping like she used to when I was a kid

It sounds very practical to all chip in and I'd happily do it. It's much easier for the host to buy everything needed, plus someone bringing a pudding just isn't much of a contribution.

Yeah, by all means families should organise things how they think best, but just bringing pudding or cheese is unlikely to be your equal share of costs. The main expense is usually the meat. Sometimes alcohol depending on what people drink.

lazymare why is my opinion 'strange'? It's probably different to yours, that doesn't make it strange or unusual.

Why is the Mums's option abhorrent?

It sounds very practical to all chip in and I'd happily do it. It's much easier for the host to buy everything needed, plus someone bringing a pudding just isn't much of a contribution.

Agree

Yeah, by all means families should organise things how they think best, but just bringing pudding or cheese is unlikely to be your equal share of costs. The main expense is usually the meat.

Yes - plus just how much cheese and how many puddings does one actually want?!

The cheese alone cost me £100 last year

This has made me proper laugh. I want that cheese board.

We (my siblings and I) started contributing to Christmas dinner when we all started out earning my DM. Initially she asked for things but we started giving cash a couple of years ago. She didn't ask for cash but gladly accepted the idea as it works better for her. Really we should host as we are probably in the best place to do so for a number of reasons but nobody (including DM) would want that.

We help practically as well. Dsis does the shopping with her and DM doesn't do a dish as we all do them on xmas day. We all clean up on boxing day with DM (we stop over).

Basically we all love Christmas in DMs house but as we have got older we have taken more responsibility for the occasion because we are adults.

I can see that it is really expensive, but I agree with the above that asking them to bring something or helping out etc. is probably better. Mind you, that works best if the venue is roasted every year.

Because, lazymare, Why is the Mums's option abhorrent? in my opinion asking money from family in order to share a meal is something I find completely unpalatable and strongly dislike. I think it's cheap and it's mean and not something I or anyone I know would do. However I don't find it 'strange' as I realise other people have different families, different life experiences and different expectations
And you haven't answered the question as to why my opinion is 'strange'!

I find it strange that you find it abhorrent ...

Families should be able to ask each other these things without people taking offence and stropping off for their free meal somewhere else. It's no wonder there are so many posts about family problems on here when everyone stands to bloody attention and gets offended by the smallest thing. Who would actually fall out with their mum over her admitting she needs financial help?

I can't imagine being upset with my mum for that. She's on her own, we have two incomes, and so I give her money towards Christmas dinner. She is the least cheeky, mean or abhorrent person you could meet.

I doubt the mother was as blunt as give us your cash we weren’t party to the conversation and neither was the poster . For hubby to throw a strop is pretty childish.

No way, though I might ask someone to bring something (wine, pudding etc).

Plus family can be CF we host every year it does cost a lot and my DS family of 5 turned up without even a bottle of wine.

It would be different if a friend did it. But your mum? I just can't imagine being pissed off at her for that and I find it strange that people would.

Lol! Don't host if you can't afford.

Don't host if you can't afford.

Ah, the spirit of Christmas. Have you thought about working for Hallmark.