Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

[Staceyjas]

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks

Whenever this comes up, there are always cries of don't host if you cant afford it, and it becomes clear that some MNers don't understand that there are families where everyone is on a low income.

No I tend to ask politely if they mind contributing a dish each.
That way I can save time and money. It’s better to divide or share the whole cost instead of expecting too much money. I host a potluck Christmas dinner each year. It’s less expensive and time consuming too.
Christmas is expensive. I get that but she is not being polite. How much food will there be? This year all I have to buy is pudding. My family love cooking which makes me happy.
We agreed from the outset that we want a potluck dinner. Maybe try suggesting alternatives to her and see what she says.

There are many families that share the cost by either contributing food, drink or money. I think people are finding it harder to afford Christmas and more are cutting down on costs. My friend has been asked to chip in £5 each for Christmas at her parents - it's the first time ever they've asked and it was discussed a few weeks ago and everyone understood. They've also decided to do a secret santa instead of individual presents.

Bad form. Wouldn't dream of charging people. If you can't afford it, don't offer to host.

So families can't get together for Christmas if none can afford it?

Could you and DP not host and pay for yourselves and both sides of family members OP? That way you get to foot the bill.... Or are you looking for a free dinner?

I think if you can't afford to host properly but either want to ask or don't want to ask for a financial contribution then booking a restaurant meal is the way to go. Everybody is then clear and responsible for their own Christmas dinner.

Ahem -; the price of a Christmas lunch on Christmas Day in a local pub is ASTRONOMICAL (though maybe that’s just where I live).

I'd happily pay £17 to get my Christmas dinner cooked for me!

If your OH is so put out at everyone being charged why doesn't he offer to host/cook... no thought not.

If I was his mum and he turned down my invite on the basis he didn't want to contribute he wouldn't be getting an invite in future!

I never ask for money but accept contributions. I always host but also have the least spare cash of all the guests. They only started offering last year but with my food bill coming to £200 excluding drink I happily accept.

he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too
About time he changed that dynamic then isn't it?
Especially given that his mother is clearly dictating that Christmas happen all on HER terms....time to loosen those apron strings a little more.

I’ve hosted PIL the last few years and I like to put on a decent spread. The cheese alone cost me £100 last year. I wouldn’t dream of asking for a cash contribution, but PIL usually post a cheque to us for £100 or so a few weeks before, which I obviously thank them for and cash. They are also very generous with the wine they bring so I don’t have to spend a fortune on that. It works itself out very fairly I think without anyone feeling awkward.

I’m not ‘charging’ my family (who will come to stay several days) but I think they’ll offer cash and we will gratefully accept. We have the most space and work at Christmas so we can’t travel to them, but we also have by far the lowest income so really need them to help out financially. On the other hand, I put a lot of effort into hosting them. I think it’ll all work out...

A family member has generously offered to host us this year. Will absolutely be giving them a cash contribution. Why should they be out of pocket? We'd be spending the money if we were cooking at home for ourselves.

Before I was married I used to buy the turkey for my mother every Christmas. It was a nice way of contributing and she always appreciated it.

My point is she don't charge him for a normal Sunday roast and it's just added bits so why can't he bring them ?

Have to admit . . .I think of it as a "Sunday dinner" but with turkey that isn't nearly as nice as a chicken or whatever.

I suppose if you're feeding umpteen it gets expensive, and I can see her point - why should she spend the day oblige sprouts etc? - But if I couldn't afford to host, personally I wouldn't init propel. Asking folks for a contribution in the form of pigs-in-blankets etc is fine, but money seems a bit "meh" - but I don't know her financial sircumstances, so really I can't say.

Maybe she's just sick of feeding people and wants a break?

The cheese alone cost me £100 last year. I wouldn’t dream of asking for a cash contribution

Fecking Ada! That's a lot of Dairylea!

• init propel

I have no idea what I was trying to type here.

I’d happily pay rather than bring a dish. I’m a terrible cook and will be working right up to Christmas.

My point is she don't charge him for a normal Sunday roast and it's just added bits so why can't he bring them ?

Surely if he goes there some regular Sundays for a roast he should offer to cover the cost for everybody on Christmas Day. Sounds like she's just sick of being the one to do everything and wants an easy dinner on the day without 100% of the expense.

In our family we are five grown up.couples. so each does one thing and we rotate eg host does main course ,onecouple bring the starter, one the wine, one pudding and one the cheese.

No! However, if i needed a bit of help financially I might ask if family could

1. All bring some booze
2. Bring a starter/ pudding

She’s charging because she can’t cook. It absolutely is fair to pay £17 for a premade dinner. That’s what we’re doing this year. What isn’t fair is your DH thinking it’s his mum’s god given duty to pay £100s every year on premade or diy Christmas dinner. He’s a grown man of course he should contribute.

I’d also be leary about inviting him to your DPs for Christmas. Your DP sounds hardwork and / or an ingrate and I bet he’ll find somethinf to complain about at your parents too.

I have done Christmas dinner every year since 1985. It is usually just us and now grown up kids, as we live a long way from our extended family and see them in the summer months. This year it may include adult children's partners, but no GC as yet.

I love everything about cooking the turkey, it starts on xmas eve when the stuffing is made with DH (and now the adult kids, partners as well, at the pub), while I get some peace to prepare and wrap presents.

In the last year arthritis flaring up in my hip means I struggle with standing in the kitchen for long periods preparing food. Last year adult DCs and DH said they would do all the peeling of veg etc., but had hangovers on Xmas Day and it didn't happen.

If I could get anyone to cook me a dinner on Xmas day for just £17, I would definitely go for it.

Ahem -; the price of a Christmas lunch on Christmas Day in a local pub is ASTRONOMICAL (though maybe that’s just where I live).

This!

Even the £5 carvery place here is £42 on Christmas Day. That's without drinks. Way more than everyone chipping in together (plus no boxing day leftovers).

To me, that rather precise £17 says she's put together the M&S order, it's come to £85 & she's split that between the 5 adults attending.

Fair enough. I'd feel I needed to pay that & additionally chip in booze'n'snacks to cover DM having the hassle of hosting.

Obviously if everyone is ok for cash you can take it in turns to host, or ask for token contributions (mind you I agree that that usually ends up with drowning in Pringles & Baileys, either that or someone forgets to warm up Auntie Ethel's Tupperware of red cabbage & hurts her feelings...).

Or family with the space & cash & biggest family hosts at their expense - xh & I were the ones who usually did this, inviting widowed MIL & assorted younger, childless siblings.

But not everyone can just swallow a ££££ bill & cater for the hordes! Absolutely fine in these circumstances to share expenses so everyone can enjoy a meal together!

I'd not be impressed with my tightwad boyfriend if he wasn't cheerfully ponying up to help his DM out, tbh. Nor would I be inviting the cheeky git to freeload off my family instead.

The cheese alone cost me £100 last year.

WTAF?!?

My cook.com Xmas dinner is 111 quid for 8. This includes a proper turkey crown and everything else.
Every year I pay a minimum of 70 quid for a turkey. And easily another 50 for all the stuff that makes it Xmas dinner and not just a roast. I am a really good cook. But I refuse to spend another Xmas day as some sort of catering slave for extended family. Especially adult children. At a push they might peel some spuds. This year I am not going to peel a spud or carrot or parsnip. I am not making stuffing or pigs in blankets. Or gravy.
I am going to unwrap presents and enjoy them. Drink wine, go out for a walk by the sea and sit down to a meal that dh has heated up.