Morning drinking

[nottellingyou101]

I'm curious to know thoughts on this. I'm completely okay with it but interested to see what people think.

Once and sometimes twice a week at 10am I will crack open a bottle of wine and have 2 or 3 glasses over a few hours. I'll Read, catch up on some tv and other stuff and just relax and enjoy.

I do this because this is the only time I get to myself while the kids are in school and before everyone gets home around 4. I don't drink in the evening or at the weekends. Probably having around 16 units a week.

I know if I was to tell anyone this they'd think I had a problem and needed a drink first thing in the morning, but I don't.It's about 4 or 5 days before I'll have a glass of wine again since the last one.

What are you're thoughts?

Not before tea time except perhaps on holiday, and in any case, for me not at home.

I don't think anyone's suggesting it's great to do it or that it's healthy.

It's just not, if you look at it logically, any worse than a lot of people's 'vices'.

Who eats an optimal diet all the time? Who gets enough exercise every week? The correct amount of sleep?

It's the disproportionate reaction to an unconventional (but not excessive) drinking pattern that's so weird and irritating on MN. It's fine to talk about enjoying chocolate or pizza or whatever. But alcohol (even in fairly moderate amounts) brings out such sanctimony.

There are worse things. Excessive MNetting is probably worse for yr overall mental health...

It isn't great. Just take the kids for example. One day X is ill or in a fight or fell over or whatever and you need to go to the school. You've not had chance to plan and if you've had 3 glasses could be a bit tiddly. The school are perfectly within their rights not to hand DC over. It's basic safeguarding procedure, certainly in nursery, definitely in infants and if inebriated enough in juniors too.

I've volunteered in schools and worked in nursery and it is widely accepted. If staff think a parent is under the influence and therefore not able to care for that child, we have a legal responsibility to keep that child until alternative arrangements are made, sometimes a family member or in some cases the emergency ss team. It's extremely rare but it did happen, the school will put the child first. In which case a SS referral is made, and you would be asked questions such as why do you drink 3glasses of wine in the morning when you have children who could need you at any moment?

It isn't scaremongering, it doesn't happen often but it does happen. No amount of 'im fine, a strong coffee and a nap will sort me' is good enough. If a childcare professional thinks you are inebriated, and they let you have that child anyway and something happens to them, they are certainly facing disciplinary proceedings if not losing their teaching license etc. It's a sad fact but on the one occasion this did happen, we had to call the police

Also , if you can't drink in the evening due to commitments then why drink at all? It's not like your on nights and it's a natural ish thing to do. How did the idea even first crop up? It's clearly out of the norm. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy a drink, many do. But it seems as though you can't go without that drink on those few days, that even if you need to juggle a few things, that you need to shoe horn in your wine time. It's certainly a problematic pattern even if the amounts are normal.

And remember, next time you drink 3 glasses could be the day little Timmy is unwell in school and Mrs X refuses to give him to you. And then youll have a SS referral to face and presumably an upset husband. Is your 3 glasses worth that?

This thread is a real eye opener.

DH is a SAHP. If I found out he was drinking during the day while I was at work I would be fucking pissed off. ‘Kick back and relax’ at 10am mid-week. WTAF. Get a job, OP.

And do you want your kids to think it's normal to drink at 10am? Because like it or not, it isn't normal. Also kids aren't dull especially as they get older. They could tell teacher/granny/friend who tells mum or tells someone that mummy drinks in the morning. Ignoring the practice consequences etc ... Would you like the other school mum's having that opinion of you?

'There are worse things. Excessive MNetting is probably worse for yr overall mental health...'

Worse than cracking open the wine at 10am?

There's nothing 'weird and irrational' about pointing out no, it is not ok. Plenty of people happy to excuse it though which is the weird bit.

@PersonaNonGarter - even though I'm not OP, ouch, as a SAHM, that get a job bit smarts.
Although I can see your point a bit - if it was a SAHD (stay at home dad) been here years and I'm betting the responses would be a whole lot different if it was Dad cracking cans of beers at 10 in the morning whilst mum was at work.

If you’re still reading, OP... can you tell us why you don’t drive? Could you / will you learn?

I’ve just read your earlier post where you say you that on occasions when they D.C. are home, you tell your children you’re going to have ‘my time’ , and have a couple of glasses of wine around 2pm whilst not to be disturbed.

I’m sorry to say OP that I do think you have an unhealthy dependency on alcohol. You are running your children’s agendas around your drinking pattern.. that’s definitely not healthy behaviour .. I hope you start to think seriously about your drinking patterns / dependency x

are you bored op?

it puts me in mind of a simpsons episode when Marge starting hitting the bottle, I think they were suddenly very rich and she was bored. so she woudl drink

why do you drink 3 glasses of wine in the morning when you have children who could need you at any moment?

"why do you drink 3 glasses of wine in the evening when you have children who could need you at any moment?"

So I guess single parents just aren't allowed to have 3 glasses of wine, ever?

Seems reasonable.

And "get a job" is just hilarious. If this was any other thread you'd get absolutely pilloried for telling a SAHP to get a job because they happened to have a few hours free when the kids were at school. God forbid she has time to put her feet up and relax in between breakfast, all the household chores, and dinner.

Just because you think that drinking a few glasses of wine and reading is a worse use of her time than, say, knitting or playing the piano, doesn't give you the right to demand that she seek employment instead of "wasting her time".

There's an utter lack of rational debate here, and a whole shedload of judgement and pearl clutching.

I mean re the shoe horning, for eg. I like Emmerdale. What with work commitments and shopping and early nights and I'm a celeb and gym and interviews, I've not not had chance to watch it recently. I enjoy it and it relaxes me but it's something I struggle to fit it ATM

So do I sacrifice something else to watch it? Do I micro manage my plans to an inch of their lives to ensure my fix of Emmerdale? Or do I accept it as one of those things, that I can't do everything and something has to give, and just accept that I'll watch Emmerdale when I have time, rather than stressing and shoe horning the time.

Any hobby or relaxing strategy shouldn't be so stringent it runs your life op. Especially not if you're telling your kids not to disturb you in that time etc..and before anyone jumps on saying parents need their me time, well of course they do. But hobbies or relaxing things just be just that and easy to work around, they shouldn't be inflexible. I think when it starts to control your activities etc then you do have an issue. What if you were on holiday or a work trip, would you still need your 10am relaxing.drimk? And what's wrong with just reading a book or watching TV, or doing so with a mug of tea? Why does it need to be wine,? I get that lots of fizzy drinks aren't the best. But you can get adult soft drinks now - elderflower presses, etc, Tesco do a great range, actually right next to the cider aisle!

seth no one would blink an eye if a mum turned up to a and e at 11pm a bit tiddly with a child. At 11am they would

Also I hardly think it's unreasonable to expect a parent to stay sober to collect their child from school if needed. That's a perfectly reasonable expectation isn't it

There are different rules re day or evening drinking. I presume a parent turning up to a and e at. 11am or school pick up at 4 smelling of alcohol would raise some questions. Not so much at 11pm

Are you seriously suggesting other posters or indeed schools are unreasonable to expect a parent to stay sober to collect their child if needed?

Bloody hell. No one suggested no parent drinks ever. Posters (me) have suggested op should be able to pick up her kids from school if needed, and if she continues the daytime drinking she may not be able to. Just due to schools refusing to release children into the care of inebriated adults. If both parents were drunk it would be exactly the same story. It is not unreasonable to expect a parent to remain sober during school hours

The recommended units a week for women is 14 units. You have a problem.

After all what you do in your own time is your business. But when it impacts on others - the teacher having to argue with you, making a tough judgement call, making a referral, the a and e receptionist having to add to their already huge workload, or even just other school mums feeling concerned or your child feeling different - then your hobby isn't really worth it.

I say this as someone with addiction problems. Who for a really long time didn't recognize it myself, or minimised. It's interesting that quite a few of the people who think this behaviour isnt right, have struggled themselves in the past. We've perhaps been where the op is.

The recommended units a week for women is 14 units. You have a problem.

Hasn’t the op said she’s drinking about 16? Not ideal but not definitely “a problem”.

Right now I have had most of a bottle of red. But 10am typically I'm having coffee. Don't think I could face wine at that time, perhaps I might if on holiday or at Christmas, but not during a normal weekday. Also I need to be sober in the daytime to be able to drive and deal with emergencies.

Can't imagine for example turning up drunk at the vets, doctor or in the supermarket.

Or having my doggy daycare lady collect my dog because I'm pissed and can't drive Ddog there myself.

Would also be very disrespectful to DH while he is at work.

I don't think units or frequency of drink is a great measuring tool for drinking problems anyway. It's how you drink, not what you drink. Someone can do sober October and still be an alcoholic. Someone can stay sober as a judge year round but any problems or tough days and they need to get drunk automatically.

Units etc are not really important when considering if someone has a oroblem. It's an issue if you can't stop or stay stopped, or can't stop thinking about it when you have stopped. It's an issue if it's your main way of dealing with stress, or if it causes problems in your personal or work life, if it affects your finances, if it controls or restricts the activities you do

Someone can drink half a bottle of wine a week and still be a problem drinker

Would also be very disrespectful to DH while he is at work.

Why would having a glass of wine be disrespectful to your husband?

The op said she doesn’t drive on page 1.

Who has decided for females that 14 units per week is the maximum? Just wondered.

Is there any scientific evidence for this other than control?

I suppose it has to do with size compared to men. There are skinny men and obese females too.

Ugh I hate this control of women by units. But anyway.

Dunno. I'm the SAHP here. If I cracked open a bottle of wine at 10am whilst kids were at school and DH at work, is that not the same as if DH was the SAHP and cracked open a 4 pack of beers and drank most of them? Would you not feel a bit "hang on" if he was the parent at home to deal with school stuff whilst you were at work?

That was to Purple daisies.

Utterly bizzare post bofsy. You do know the recommendation from the NHS is that men also drink fewer than 14 units per week? This is nothing to do with “controlling women”.

This is like belittling someone for having a doner for lunch.
Unusual? Yup. It's an after night out food.Usually...

Do they need help because "obviously" there must be some problem otherwise why the hell would someone have a doner for lunch? Like is it emotional? Are they having marriage issues? Is it mh issue? 🙄
No. Because it's just caused by.....

The fact that not everyone is the same.

odd how often the op has quoted the units 14 per week.
as if you are trying very hard not to go over

You might not feel drunk after 3/4 glasses of wine in the day but, I wonder whether others can tell you've been drinking? Your DC for example. My bet is that they can.