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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my partner being to hard on our 3 year old?

102 replies

Zizismummy · 24/11/2018 14:09

I have a son who turned 3 In July and he can count but sometimes forgets numbers so he might say 1,2,34,6,7,8,9,12 for example but mainly misses out 5 . His dad thinks he is behind because he can't do it right every single time and because of that he has become very strict with our son and makes him do numbers every day , tells him he won't get Christmas presents if he can't count from 1 to 5 three times in a row and basiacally takes all the fun out of learning . I am not concerned in the slightest because his nursery teacher tells me he is doing just fine.
He has always been very advanced with certain things like he learnt to ride a bike without stabilisers aged 2 and he can swim without arm bands but he was a slow talker and never really said numbers or colours etc until about 6 months ago .

His dad says that I'm letting him fall behind but I really just dont think it's a huge deal and I think at his age learning should be fun so I'll sing number songs and dance with him or count his cars or something like that but I don't really sit him down and say count to 10 or do number books etc , am I wrong ?

OP posts:
Thatssosweet · 24/11/2018 14:10

His Dad is a colossal bellend.

Hope that helps.

MessyBun247 · 24/11/2018 14:10

He’s being a dick Sad

Telling him he won’t get Xmas presents, what the hell?!

Does he have good points?

Funnyface1 · 24/11/2018 14:12

It doesn't sound like there's anything to be concerned about with your son.

It sounds like there's definitely something wrong with his dad.

bastardkitty · 24/11/2018 14:12

Not really beìng 'too hard'. More just being a nasty cunt who's more likely to do harm to your son's learning and development than good. Is he generally not very nice or is he just being an idiot around this particular issue?

GabriellaMontez · 24/11/2018 14:13

Yes, a colossal bellend.
I can't think of a better description.

Batshittery · 24/11/2018 14:13

Rode a bike without stabilisers at 2. Blimey.
Agree that his dad sounds like an arse

ExFury · 24/11/2018 14:13

So if your child was behind for some developmental reason - which it absolutely doesn’t sound like - your DP’s way of dealing with that would be to punish the child?

Ask him if he’d punish a child in a wheelchair for being unable to walk...

Does he have any redeeming features? Your child is 3 ffs. You don’t threaten 3yos with no Christmas because they sometimes miss a number.

grasspigeons · 24/11/2018 14:14

That sounds really hortible and pointless. Numbers arent just a chant.
If Dad really wants to hekp with numbers he should count as they go up stairs, play games like snskes and ladders or just have him help count the plates at dinner.

FissionChips · 24/11/2018 14:14

That’s really horrible, why are you allowing your child to be treated like that? Sad

Thehop · 24/11/2018 14:15

His father is a disgusting bully who is almost certain to turn your son off learning completely, not to mention dislike his father immensely.

I say this as an early years teacher and mother of 4 who’s passionate about learning through play and not rote pushing.

What he’s doing is counter productive at best.

missyB1 · 24/11/2018 14:16

Dad sounds like a nasty bully. Are you going to let him get away with treating your child like this?

LilMy33 · 24/11/2018 14:17

Poor little boy having a total cunt of a dad like that. Has dad spoken to nursery staff? Would some reassurance that your (3 year old!) son is totally fine and doesn’t need all this pressure help your husband to mellow the fuck out and just enjoy his son’s pre school years instead of wrecking them?

bridgetreilly · 24/11/2018 14:17
KristinaM · 24/11/2018 14:18

He’s a dick.

And it doesn’t matter if your DS can recite numbers, it won’t help him at school. It’s undertstanding what number mean that is important.

MrMakersFartyParty · 24/11/2018 14:18

Why do you allow this?

bridgetreilly · 24/11/2018 14:18

Which is to say, that's completely normal, and your partner will help most by relaxing a bit.

Crunchymum · 24/11/2018 14:19

Blimey OP, the fact you've even had to ask leaves me to believe your DP is a cunt to you as well as your child.

GloGirl · 24/11/2018 14:19

Much more worried in the education levels of your husband if he's just making up attainment expectations for a 3 year old.

My nursery were very good at explaining progress etc , ask them for a meeting with your husband so a qualified profession can tell him he's being a tool.

Celebelly · 24/11/2018 14:20

Yep, he's being a dick. Poor kid. This is how to give children massive self-confidence issues and stop them enjoying learning. If that's his intention then he's doing a bang-up job.

MrsStrowman · 24/11/2018 14:21

My three year old DN does the same thing, mostly gets it right but sometimes skips numbers, also thinks everyone older than her is nine (I'm 34). His father is being a bully. There's nothing wrong with integrating counting into other things (how many cakes have we baked shall we count them? Etc) but to make him sit and learn numbers at three is ineffective at best.

whaaatthe · 24/11/2018 14:22

As another post said, why are you allowing this?

UserName31456789 · 24/11/2018 14:22

If his dad's intention is to put your child off numbers and learning forever he's going about it perfectly.

Kids of that age learn organically, by counting out toys during the course of their play, watching adults count out how many plates they need etc. They do not learn by being forced to perform or repeat tasks in isolation. Your son doesn't sound behind but really that's irrelevant your partner is being a massive dick.

TokyoSushi · 24/11/2018 14:22

Exactly what @Thatssosweet said

WontonSoupForTheSoul · 24/11/2018 14:22

You say “his dad” rather than “my husband”- are you and this man living in the same house and is he doing this in front of you? If so, just put a stop to it as it happens.

Fairylea · 24/11/2018 14:22

Just horrible! I can’t imagine treating my children like this. I have a son who does have autism and learning disabilities and reading your post made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as i can’t stand people being so ridiculously pushy re academic stuff. All kids get there at their own pace. I would be furious with him.