Is my partner being to hard on our 3 year old?

[Zizismummy]

I have a son who turned 3 In July and he can count but sometimes forgets numbers so he might say 1,2,34,6,7,8,9,12 for example but mainly misses out 5 . His dad thinks he is behind because he can't do it right every single time and because of that he has become very strict with our son and makes him do numbers every day , tells him he won't get Christmas presents if he can't count from 1 to 5 three times in a row and basiacally takes all the fun out of learning . I am not concerned in the slightest because his nursery teacher tells me he is doing just fine.
He has always been very advanced with certain things like he learnt to ride a bike without stabilisers aged 2 and he can swim without arm bands but he was a slow talker and never really said numbers or colours etc until about 6 months ago .

His dad says that I'm letting him fall behind but I really just dont think it's a huge deal and I think at his age learning should be fun so I'll sing number songs and dance with him or count his cars or something like that but I don't really sit him down and say count to 10 or do number books etc , am I wrong ?

The ability to 'count' to 10/20/100 whatever at that age is rote. They do not understand it's like reciting a poem or song. He just forgets a few words.

Real understanding of numbers takes a little more time. So for example I say to my almost three year old 'how many carrots do you have?' He'll count and say 3 for example. Then we talk about how many more he'll need for everyone in the family to get a carrot. 'Two more' 'then there are 5!'

Can't believe I just wrote about carrots but hope you get the gist! 😂

Boasting parents and look at my Johnny counting to 10 at 1 year old etc gets on my nerves 🙄

not sure if already mentioned, but the expectation for school readiness is being able to rscognise 1-10. so plenty of time

Your ds is fine...dad is in the wrong.

I work in foundation stage and children moving into ks1 sometimes miss out numbers...it's perfectly normal.

If you want him to learn then lay off the pressure and make it a game...eg, counting steps as you walk up and down them, buy loose fruit and have him help count it into a bag, how many steps from the lounge to the kitchen, how many hops can we do without stopping....just count anything and everything.

Have just seen your updat OP.
Delighted to see that your little boy has two great parents!

A colossal bellend is an excellent description

He will put your DS off learning at this rate.

That's a good update. I hope he does fully take it on board.

He may not have intended to come across as badly as he did, but his expectations of a three year old were unrealistic and his methods totally ridiculous and inappropriate.

It did sound like bullying behaviour, and he is hopefully shocked at how close he came to crossing that line. Perhaps he did cross it, and that must not happen again.

If your dp is looking for ways to support your sons learning, here is a resource you can pass on to him.

It has suggestions for parents of children aged 3-6

education.gov.scot/parentzone/Documents/EveryDaysaLearningDay3to6.pdf

Glad to read your update.

Where was he getting his ideas of what dc ‘should’ be able to do by a certain age?

My 16 year old daughter is currently at college studying 4 a levels she did brilliantly in most of her GCSE exams passing all of them at the top two grades except maths and science where she got a c. She used to skip count and twenty was always twenteen. She grew out of it, although for some bizarre reason she still has a mental block when it comes to months of the year and still seems to forget the existence of August.

His Dad sounds like an arsehole

It is good to hear that the intentions are positive, but you do need to get this behaviour from DS's Dad under control ASAP. It is likely to be massively emotionally damaging and could actually put him off education altogether. At three he needs to learn through play and explore the world at his own pace. The ability to recite numbers at this stage is no indication of anything in terms of future ability.

That would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn't stay with someone who was so stupid and so cruel. He's a bully who has no understanding of how children learn and what they learn. He's well on the way to destroying your son's interest in numbers and his ability to understand them.

Dad is sucking all the fun out of the poor boy's learning. It will make absolutely no difference to his ability in a positive way at and as has been said again and again on here it will put him off completely.

It's important learning is fun.
Or he'll begin to hate and resent learning which will be detrimental to his education in the long run.
Dad is setting up the poor lad for a miserable time.
I'd intervene x

Please put a stop to this before he really impacts your child

I also don't think it's fair to call him abusive at all .
Totally emotionally abusive and detrimental to DS learning at all if he is in a constant panic of punishment if he doesn’t get things right.

He said he didn't realise he was coming across to harsh and strict and he feels that growing up he would have done so much better in school if his parents had paid attention and helped him when he wasn't doing so well etc etc
Remarkably quick turnaround but that is great. Glad your DS will get to learn in a more relaxed way in future

Only read page 1 but for ffs.

Really.

Your child is going to be affected by his father's behaviour. It isn't acceptable. He will have serious confidence issues.

This needs sorting or he will have some long lasting issues. Your husband needs to let it go or have less influence on your son... ie LTB

A great update. Well done for getting your DH to see the error of his ways and well done to your DH for seeing he was wrong.

The best thing you can do for a child’s education is to encourage them in a positive way. Tell him how clever he is, foster a love of learning and show him that education is not a competition but a personal, lifelong journey.

He is doing the very opposite of what he wants to do.
Doing this is going to destroy the natural curiosity to learning that a child has. Children learn through play, just reciting numbers has no meaning or context.
There are so many books about children's learning, maybe you could find one to share with him.

I think it sounds like your partner is wanting the best for his child but going about it in the wrong way. Someone mentioned that the carrot is better thank the stick. I think this is correct, and learning is easier when it’s fun. And it’s not fun when you feel pressured to learn something or else you don’t get Christmas.

There’s plenty of books etc which explains how to teach children.

And don’t worry if he doesn’t learn. It will come in time.

That sounds awful, and a good way to give your dc issues with confidence.

My dc consistently missed out 15 until much older than your dc and are doing very well at school.

Jesus, he told a three year old he wouldn't get any Xmas presents if he didn't count correctly and didn't realise he was being so harsh?? Seriously?

Words fail me. The mans a bully. And that's me being polite. I can categorically assure you if my husband had pulled that shit, he would have done it once only and I wouldn't have had to ask mumsnet if he was an abusive arsehole either.

I'm guessing his dad didn't do too well at school and wants to make sure your DS does.
This is not the way to go about it.

You need to out a stop to this today.
If your DP wants to help your DS learn his numbers try one of age appropriate number games by Orchard toys, or similar. Lots of praise, don't force anything and stop if it's not fun.

And Number locks on iPlayer.