AIBU about DP friend using toilet?

[Ragevibration]

Now I KNOW that this is a thing that comes up a lot, and the general consensus is that that is what a toilet is there for, don't be so precious etc. Which typically I agree with.

However, interested to see if the responses are different based on this particular scenario.

DP just gone to pick up friend who lives 9 minutes away by car. Came straight back (with a bunch of flowers bevause he knows he's arsehole today but that's another story). Whilst he's out, I've gone and started to run a bath, lit some candles, put a bath bomb and some essential oils in, dimmed the lights and placed my kindle on top of the washing basket. So CLEARLY once DP goes to the pub, I'm planning on having a nice long, relaxing lovely bath. The bathroom is filled with the lovely smells (just trying to set the scene here).

In come DP and his friend. Friend (who to be fair I've never really liked I fucking hate him) asks ro use the toilet. Yes, I say. Assuming he needs a pee.

Nope. He has just unleashed the bowels of he'll from his own bowels apparently and the whole flat stinks so bad it's actually literally made me retch.

No air fresher sprayed or even the can of deodorant DP had left on the side. Then off they went...

Also for full disclosure he does have IBS which yes, is unfortunate and sometimes you can't help it but AIBU to think he could have either gone in his own house 9 minutes ago or waited the approx. One and a half minute walk it is to the pub?

I so agree with you Storm4star.

I don’t think he should have waited to get down the pub for fear of pooing himself.

However it sounds as if he doesn’t give a shit about other people’s feelings, needs and property. Not clearing up after himself and leaving a half drunk can of Coke in your car brand new or not sound very passive aggressive to me.

He lives at home with mummy. You’ve just bought a brand new car and have your own home. He sounds jealous. Ywnbu to ban him from your home and car.

@ohmygoodness, the OP said she lives in a flat, very few flats have more than one toilet.

I feel for you OP and your ruined bath. As for "I wish IBS upon you", what a horrible comment!

Little chuckle at people expecting everyone has more than one toilet by default!

He did need to use the loo, but he should've made the effort to mask the smell.

As natural as it is, the smell of poo and farts in my house makes me unreasonably angry! I wouldn't have been happy about the smell but DH mates would've given a jokey warning before I went in

2. Skid marks down the toilet.

But do you have a toilet brush?

If IBS comes on so urgently that you do not have even one minute before you soil yourself, of course you must carry a clean up kit! 99% of the time you would not be within 1 minute of a toilet!
I find it difficult to believe that you have NO warning signs whatsoever. I am guessing he must have had some indication on the way to OPs house and should therefore have nipped back home or gone straight to the pub.

Omg he's not even a builder, was expecting the typical MN workman gripe! Poor bloke.

Visitors, ...you're brave .

I sympathise with him, but I also think he was UR not to clean up after himself, that is just basic hygiene/manners. I would also be annoyed about that part of it and have had words with my brother about it before

I find it difficult to believe that you have NO warning signs whatsoever

You clearly don’t suffer from IBS then! When mine is bad I usually get a kind of rumble in my stomach and, from that point, have around 30-60 seconds to get to a toilet. People with IBS adapt their lives to cope. I don’t generally go to places that don’t have toilet facilities. If I go to the cinema for example, I will make sure I have an aisle seat near the door. You actually do end up making plans around toilet facilities! It’s not something anyone else would notice about me, but I am always conscious of being able to make a “quick escape” if necessary. If you think that sounds a horrible way to live, well yes it is! Mine isn’t bad 24/7. I have good and bad spells. But I never know when a bad spell is going to come.

"I find it difficult to believe that you have NO warning signs whatsoever."

It is like having very urgent diarrhoea. Clearly you have never had this, but believe me having the diarrhoea version of IBS is no fun, and sometimes you really do get no warning. One minute you can be perfectly fine, and the next you aren't. IBS is a bastard condition to have. It doesn't help that people like you have no empathy or understanding.

I have IBS and was once walking from work to my car when it came on. I had to go in a bush I have never been so mortified or humiliated in my life. I was crying with shame and embarrassment. It's a horrible condition to have. Luckily there was no one around.

Sounds gross OP. Cos you had a lovely sweet smelling bath all set up and he left it all in a disgusting man state without bothering to clean up after himself. It's the latter that's upset you, not the using toilet when needed.

Some men (& women) are just disgusting in how they leave a bathroom.

I find it difficult to believe that you have NO warning signs whatsoever.

How very lucky you dont suffer with IBS then, but are able to say how we sufferers must know

I'm completely OCD where poo is concerned. I had to train my DH to clean up properly behind himself, and flush for a second time, and then use the toilet cleaner. Because I absolutely hate the vile smell. I flipping well hated potty training my DDs, especially getting rid of poo in the potty.

For all that, I wouldn't turn a hair at a visitor using my toilet. Because I've had bowel problems for years and I know that sometimes I have no choice but to go immediately. (I wouldn't dream of not cleaning the toilet behind me, though.)

It's basic courtesy to ask if you can use the toilet in someone else's house, however.

@Shepherdspieisminging. ... Tmi 🤢 ... but Shepherd has a point.

And really is he not trained to use a toilet brush or even just put toilet cleaner around afterwards?? I mean he must use it for his toilet or is he that gross?

I'd want DP to tell his mate that he's a pig "look mate use toilet brush/ squirt toilet cleaner round afterwards, don't gross my partner out having to clean up your poo around our loo"

No you’re not “completely OCD”. OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. You are not completely obsessive compulsive disorder. People can’t be disorders. They can have a disorder. Do you have the disorder? If not, stop using that phrase.

Fair enough, I apologise. Actually I do have MH issues as a result of my PTSD, and I have wondered whether I'm OCD as well, as I can be compulsive about things. But I've never been diagnosed as that.

I didn't mean to cause offence.

Sorry, I meant I have wondered if I have OCD in addition to my PTSD.

I've asked my previous partner to 'have a word' with one of his mates (didn't know which poker friend it was tho exDP knew) and that's pretty much what he said! (Probably followed by backslapping and who has blocked their toilet worst stories cos frankly "(some) men are yuk!")

Poo flakes have to be the worst.

It’s a shame about your bath but him needing to go can’t be helped. I would be annoyed at the skid marks but not the rest. It is what toilets are for after all.