AIBU about DP friend using toilet?

[Ragevibration]

Now I KNOW that this is a thing that comes up a lot, and the general consensus is that that is what a toilet is there for, don't be so precious etc. Which typically I agree with.

However, interested to see if the responses are different based on this particular scenario.

DP just gone to pick up friend who lives 9 minutes away by car. Came straight back (with a bunch of flowers bevause he knows he's arsehole today but that's another story). Whilst he's out, I've gone and started to run a bath, lit some candles, put a bath bomb and some essential oils in, dimmed the lights and placed my kindle on top of the washing basket. So CLEARLY once DP goes to the pub, I'm planning on having a nice long, relaxing lovely bath. The bathroom is filled with the lovely smells (just trying to set the scene here).

In come DP and his friend. Friend (who to be fair I've never really liked I fucking hate him) asks ro use the toilet. Yes, I say. Assuming he needs a pee.

Nope. He has just unleashed the bowels of he'll from his own bowels apparently and the whole flat stinks so bad it's actually literally made me retch.

No air fresher sprayed or even the can of deodorant DP had left on the side. Then off they went...

Also for full disclosure he does have IBS which yes, is unfortunate and sometimes you can't help it but AIBU to think he could have either gone in his own house 9 minutes ago or waited the approx. One and a half minute walk it is to the pub?

IBS means you can unexpectedly go. There's no routine! Either you need to go or you don't. It's not his fault! He probably felt embarrassed as well.

If I knew I absolutely reeked, I’d hang onto it until I got to the pub rather than do it in someone’s bathroom and leave them with the stench. I wouldn’t want to humiliate myself. YANBU to be annoyed, he obviously couldn’t care less.

YANBU about the lack of clean up. As you've now said OP, if he had to go he had to go, fair enough. But to leave the toilet in that state afterwards (particularly the skid marks) is just fucking rude.

Reminds me of my ex brother in law, you could guarantee every time he came for a visit he would go to the toilet within a very short space of time. Fair enough, but every time I went in after him he would leave skid marks. No one in my house ever did that and it used to really bug me why he did not go in his own house before a visit. Then I always had the honour of cleaning the toilet after him, disgusting.

It's not rude to use the loo but disgusting to not open a window, clean the bowl and leave the towel.
A sorry about the smell it came on me unexpectedly would have been polite too.

He knows you don't like hate him OP. These are not careless acts. No, these are pre-planned, well thought out acts of aggression directed solely at you and your precious things for full effect. Your DP and his mate are probably having a laugh about it in the pub at this very moment whilst they plot their next move. Sleep with one eye open tonight OP!

Yes, clearly embarrassed. So embarrassed that he opened the window, cleaned the toilet, replaced the empty toilet roll, sprayed the spray and put the hand towel back tidily. Or not. FFS.

People with IBS can be selfish, disrespectful twats too, it doesn’t only chose nice respectful people...

Ban the twat from your car & house...if DH objects I'm sure you can think of a way to persuade him it’s in his best interests!

I’d text him now, threatening all kinds of evil, if he brings him back home later.

All the MNetters who have IBS and carry special clean up kits are... women!! It comes as no surprise whatsoever that there are men with IBS who don't concern themselves at all with the tedious details of cleaning up/freshening air behind them.

If he really does has IBS, can't really blame him and you did the right thing by letting him use the loo...... but you're perfectly within your rights to be annoyed.

He was being unreasonable by making no attempt whatsoever to clear the smell.

Bull to all PPs, I have IBS and yes it does come on all of a sudden (sometimes) but I've never nearly shat myself because of it so yeah he should of held it in. Disclaimer, I have been suffering with IBS for over 17 years

Eurgh he could have apologised !!

Against the grain, YANBU

i think this for a few reasons
IBS doesn't equal "must poop this moment". (see sisgalscomment above)
It also doesn't equal terrible horror smell from bowels of hell

He made no effort to reduce the impact of the offending poop (opening window/flushing toilet promptly etc.)
He should carry VIPoo or similar if he has form.

Next time: learn your lesson and lock yourself in. No emergency bathroom visits even if it's a no 1

Poo smell can’t be helped but he could have sprayed what was in the bathroom

What I cant accept is anyone leaving shit stains for someone else to clean up. Can’t be doing with the loo brush debate. You can wipe clean with loo roll before or after a flush then flush again. Why should someone else clean your shit.

It's a bathroom. Air it out and it will be fine.

Yes IBS does come on suddenly, but not so urgently that you have to go right this second. Otherwise people with IBS would literally be housebound because they’d shit themselves at the bus stop, or when they’ve popped out to the corner shop, or in the car when they’re not near a service station, or while walking the dog, or in a meeting, etc. If you’re so incontinent that you can’t wait a few minutes for the loo then that’s basically a disability. Most people can wait a short while for the loo.

Is it likely that just because some people don't have urgent need with IBS, that's it's not a symptom at all? Or just that some get it and not others.

I absolutely cannot bear the thought of the situation you’ve described, I feel vicariously physically sick and even I think you’re being unreasonable. He has IBS, it’s not up to him when he shits.

I can't believe how many threads are started on here, by posters complaining about visitors shitting in their toilet.

I have never been on a message forum before - not in 20 years of posting on forums, and seen one single thread where someone is complaining about people shitting in their toilet. On here it's one a week.

Bizarre!

he must be embarrassed nope I don't think he is or he would have a drink at home with friends or not stop at your house and go straight to the pub.

Ban him from your house or get your dp to clean up after his mate.

He should certainly have opened the window and tidied up, but that is blokes for you. My daughter's BF stayed with her in our house for a week whilst we went on holiday recently. The first thing I had to do on our return was clean the bathroom and downstairs toilet which were both left totally and utterly pigging, despite toilet brush and bleach being readily available.

Are there no nurses on this thread? My daughter and I are nurses and could talk endlessly about the issues involved in cleaning up other people's shit. It is just part of the job and it is quite possible to learn to deal with this, just as parents learn to deal with nappies and wiping children's backsides. It is quite rewarding to ensure that an incontinent person is made clean and comfortable after an "accident".

Anyone who thinks that "their own shit don't stink" should avoid going into hospital or even using a toilet in their workplace. Luckily most of us learn to stomach the stench and have some empathy with people who just "need to go". it is a natural bodily function after all.

I agree with posters saying it's a bathroom, that's what you're supposed to do etc. And if you need to go, you need to go.

But who wouldn't be annoyed if you were about to get in the bath and the whole room suddenly stinks of poo???

Laughing...when ibs hits you dont get time. 9 minutes. I wish more like 9 seconds on a good day. Nearest toilet! Yabu. Open the window

I can't help wondering if your bathroom has an extractor fan, that works.

Poor bloke. IBS is awful, I agree that someone stinking out your bathroom is unpleasant but the poor guy couldn’t help it