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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DP friend using toilet?

127 replies

Ragevibration · 23/11/2018 20:35

Now I KNOW that this is a thing that comes up a lot, and the general consensus is that that is what a toilet is there for, don't be so precious etc. Which typically I agree with.

However, interested to see if the responses are different based on this particular scenario.

DP just gone to pick up friend who lives 9 minutes away by car. Came straight back (with a bunch of flowers bevause he knows he's arsehole today but that's another story). Whilst he's out, I've gone and started to run a bath, lit some candles, put a bath bomb and some essential oils in, dimmed the lights and placed my kindle on top of the washing basket. So CLEARLY once DP goes to the pub, I'm planning on having a nice long, relaxing lovely bath. The bathroom is filled with the lovely smells (just trying to set the scene here).

In come DP and his friend. Friend (who to be fair I've never really liked I fucking hate him) asks ro use the toilet. Yes, I say. Assuming he needs a pee.

Nope. He has just unleashed the bowels of he'll from his own bowels apparently and the whole flat stinks so bad it's actually literally made me retch.

No air fresher sprayed or even the can of deodorant DP had left on the side. Then off they went...

Also for full disclosure he does have IBS which yes, is unfortunate and sometimes you can't help it but AIBU to think he could have either gone in his own house 9 minutes ago or waited the approx. One and a half minute walk it is to the pub?

OP posts:
MondayTuesdayWednesday · 23/11/2018 23:23

What a strange person you are OP

MissConductUS · 23/11/2018 23:25

Are there no nurses on this thread?

There are. I have just been too amazed at the number of fecal related threads there are on MN to comment. I have also had ulcerative colitis for 15 years, so I have some sympathy for DP's pal.

TheBouquets · 23/11/2018 23:28

Are you all aware that IBS is a health condition which is very debilitating There are other conditions which also force the sufferers to have urgent need of a toilet.

It is awful to have these conditions and very embarrassing to the point that some sufferers stop having the confidence to go out and about in normal life. They then become lonely and isolated. It is definitely not a situation anyone would really want to be in.
I would only be decent to leave the bathroom as clean as possible, the smell is not so easy to deal with.
This thread seems to me to be a bit uncaring towards a person with a disability

MrMeSeeks · 23/11/2018 23:33

Bull to all PPs, I have IBS and yes it does come on all of a sudden (sometimes) but I've never nearly shat myself because of it confused so yeah he should of held it in. Disclaimer, I have been suffering with IBS for over 17 years *

Yes IBS does come on suddenly, but not so urgently that you have to go right this second.

Really? Oh i’ll tell my friend then that the ibs we’ve both suffered from for 15 years that can come on suddenly out of nowhere is wrong.Hmm

christmaschristmaschristmas · 23/11/2018 23:34

For those people saying why can't people with IBS just hold it....

They would soil themselves. That is why. And have terrible stomach pain.

MrMeSeeks · 23/11/2018 23:34

This thread seems to me to be a bit uncaring towards a person with a disability
Yes, and apparently allsufferers are the same.

WinterfellWench · 23/11/2018 23:36

@MissConductUS

I have just been too amazed at the number of fecal related threads there are on MN to comment.

LOL not just me then. It's bizarre. It's like never a week goes by without there being a thread on here where someone is complaining about a visitor shitting in their toilet, and stinking the house out.

It's always a man doing the stinky dumps too! 😂😂😂

As I said, I have never seen this on any other forum - ever.

But on Mumsnet, the obligatory 'someone has shit in me loo' thread pops up every week!

LoniceraJaponica · 23/11/2018 23:37

“YANBU!! What would he have done had he had to wait an extra 2 mons because they decided to drive straight to the pub and not your house.”

Had an accident most likely. You clearly don’t know what it is like to have IBS MakeAHouseAHome Hmm
Do you never get diarrhoea? Imagine what it must feel like to have it and not be able to go to the loo because someone as uptight as you won’t let you?

“Do some people with IBS not travel round with a kit for dealing with this?”

What kind of “kit” are you talking about? I have IBS and don’t carry a “kit”. If I am out and abut and think my stomach might misbehave I just take some Imodium.

I agree with all your points SirGawain

“You really need to travel with your own clean-up tissues (for you) and cleaning wipes for the sanitary ware.”

No you don’t. Just use toilet roll. It isn’t difficult, and you can flush it away.

“If I knew I absolutely reeked, I’d hang onto it until I got to the pub rather than do it in someone’s bathroom and leave them with the stench”

Don’t make such stupid comments @TealTurnip. Have you never had diarrhoea and needed to go immediately? That is what having IBS is like. You can’t hang on to it.

“Yes IBS does come on suddenly, but not so urgently that you have to go right this second.”

Wrong, it does for some people. Are you always so lacking in empathy?

Storm4star · 23/11/2018 23:46

Amazed that some people think you can control IBS. If you can control it, you don’t have IBS. Or a very mild form. I was agoraphobic for nearly a year when I first got it, due to the fear of soiling myself in public. In the end I knew I couldn’t live like that and forced myself to start going out again. I have soiled myself in public a couple of times and had many more very close misses. If it was a choice between stinking out someone’s bathroom and soiling myself, well sorry but i’d Have to stink out the bathroom! It’s the least embarrassing of the two. When I need to go badly then I definitely can’t risk waiting even 1 minute. It’s a horrible thing to have because of the disgust factor. Oh and Inhave also never heard of carrying a “kit” around with you. I have wet wipes in my bag at all times but I wouldn’t call that a kit!

onefishtwofishthreefish · 23/11/2018 23:49

FFS not this again. IBS can be debilitating - when you've got to go you've got to go and no more waiting, not even a second.

Ignorance = lack of compassion

LoniceraJaponica · 23/11/2018 23:49

"Amazed that some people think you can control IBS. If you can control it, you don’t have IBS."

This ^^ with bells on. There are too many posters who just don't get it aren't there.

Lockheart · 23/11/2018 23:57

HWNBU to use your toilet.

HWBVU not to clean up after himself / crack a window / spray something etc.

YANBU to be annoyed that your flat stinks and your bath is ruined.

omygoodness · 24/11/2018 00:03

Surely you must have another loo that he could have used. I really don't understand why he needed to use your bathroom.

omygoodness · 24/11/2018 00:06

Maybe offer him some Imodeum the next time he calls around? The tv adverts say it works.

AutumnEvenings · 24/11/2018 00:07

My daughter recently had a stomach bug similar to Norovirus. She is working as community nurse in her final student placement before she completes her nurse training and most likely picked this up from a patient. No ones fault in any way, it simply happens.

I cleaned the bathroom after she was sick with projectile vomiting in the middle of the night and simultaneously had diarrhoea. I took her soiled jamas and put them in the wash at a high temperature, brought her Dioralyte and water to drink.

Predictably the same thing happened to me the following day, as such viral infections are also airborne and spread easily.

I have always understood that toilets are for shitting in. Where else are people really supposed to go?

Mumsnet is a strange place, where people seem to have no idea of bodily functions, yet many must have to change nappies and deal with shit on a regular basis.

AutumnEvenings · 24/11/2018 00:16

PigletJohn

We don't have an extractor fan in either of our toilets/bathroom, but we have a window in each, which pretty much does the job.

Storm4star · 24/11/2018 00:16

Surely you must have another loo that he could have used

Newsflash - some people only have one bathroom, one loo! God no wonder everyone always says MN is middle class!

AutumnEvenings · 24/11/2018 00:29

Storm4star

Indeed. We have a downstairs loo and a bathroom upstairs, but we know this a good fortune.

My parents were both brought up in homes where the kasi was in the back yard. My GM always kept a potty under the bed to avoid trips outside during the night.

PigletJohn · 24/11/2018 01:02

We don't have an extractor fan in either of our toilets/bathroom

Well there we are, then.

ilovesooty · 24/11/2018 01:38

Good grief. Lots of people only have one toilet.

Beeziekn33ze · 24/11/2018 01:51

Ohmygoodness. - Yes, lots of people have only one loo and it's in the bathroom. Do tell, how many do you have, OMG? You know you want to!

Itsnotadonedeal · 24/11/2018 02:01

Surely you must have another loo that he could have used. I really don't understand why he needed to use your bathroom.

We've reached peak Mumsnet.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 24/11/2018 02:02

Yanbu !!

1forAll74 · 24/11/2018 02:25

Oh, have a heart,for someone who needs the loo desperately.although you did say that you disliked, and then said .hated this guy. But that's besides the point, he needed to go,and was probably a bit dismayed himself, about his left over smells.

I think that I would have laughed about it really,and just opened the window etc, Its sad its spoiled your fragrant bathroom aromas etc, but these things happen.

Good job he didn't rush in to do his big business,when you were lounging in the bath, ha ha

kateandme · 24/11/2018 03:00

if he lives with this I bet he is really embressed about it.noone would want to do this at a friends house.ibs is horrible and when its shown in noises or shitting/vomiting in front of others it so awful for the sufferer.
so it might be a really sucky situation try and be angry at the situation then let it go rather than a the bloke who clearly had no option.
without ibs sometimes the shits might come.but with it is a case of less than 90 seconds to get to the loo never mind 9minutes.
your right to hate the smell.its horrid.but just hate it and sort it.dont hate him for being human.