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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child didn’t have lunch at school

199 replies

Purpletigers · 23/11/2018 19:59

Child doesn’t have a lunch with them at school and doesn’t inform the teacher before lunchtime or the supervisor at lunchtime. Parent phones the school after pick up to complain that their child didn’t have anything to eat . The phone call is the first time the class teacher is aware of the situation . Who is at fault ?

OP posts:
PrincessJuanita · 24/11/2018 05:41

Parent should have sent a packed lunch in (assuming that's what usually happens) and child should have spoken up about not having one. Can't really see how school are at fault if they didn't know.

SnuggyBuggy · 24/11/2018 06:15

If he's opted for a packed lunch because he wasn't keen on that days school dinner maybe that's why he kept quiet

Bloodyfucksake · 24/11/2018 06:43

The conversation at home should be "oh dear, if we forget again you need to tell the teacher. Let's try to remember from now on!"

End of story. An 8 year old can survive a day without lunch. It's not ideal but it's no big deal.

BertrandRussell · 24/11/2018 07:24

Reminds me of when my ds was in Reception and was sobbing inconsolably, and it was only when they got his big sister that they found out that I had accidentally put the wrong lunch in his lunchbox and it was all things he didn't like........Sad.He still remembers how awful it was, and how wonderful to see his sister coming to help him. He was only 4, though......

BlitheringIdiots · 24/11/2018 07:30

After being so hungry because the child didn't have any lunch I doubt they will forget their lunchbox again. And after blaming everyone but herself/himself the parent will ensure the lunchbox isn't left in the car again.

At end of the day, the child is ok, hasn't starved to death, and lessons have been learnt by child and parent

OP it's not your fault at all

TheGhostOfYou · 24/11/2018 07:46

My DC missed lunch once, didn't hear them calling for children having school dinners. DC was 6 and told her teacher that they didn't have anything and ended up with a ham sandwich in class.

Nobody at fault really, she had been unwell and her hearing was still a little off. Just remind your child to speak up if this is to ever happens again.

TheGhostOfYou · 24/11/2018 07:47

Excuse my swapping of she and they, I've literally just woken up. Confused

ChocolateTearDrops · 24/11/2018 07:59

At the age of 8 I would have gone to hide at lunch time rather than tell someone I had forgotten my lunch and then have my parents shouting at me for not speaking up. I did hide for an entire half term of Tuesday afternoon craft when all classes were merged into little groups for different activities and I was off for the first week so the next week didn't have a group to go to which I was too scared to tell anyone.

Sunshineandshowers81 · 24/11/2018 08:09

As a teacher you have quite a shocking attitude towards the children in your care. Saying you have neither the time nor inclination to check if they eat. How noone can notice that a child has no lunch when there are only 20 children sat in a classroom eating is beyond me. While it may not be your fault it certainly is negligent of the school that this child did not eat anything. In your place I would be wanting to investigate what went wrong rather than posting on a public forum about this. I also wonder what do you think would happen if said parent reads this and sees you have posted on a public forum not only about their child but also about your rather less than caring attitude towards the children in your care

Feefeetrixabelle · 24/11/2018 08:32

Well sunshineandshowers81 if you’d read the whole thread you would know the following.

-the child confirmed they’d bought a packed lunch.
-the child didn’t tell anyone they hadn’t any lunch.
-the child was supervised by someone other than the teacher.
-the teacher has said she would have helped if she’d known and was happy that the parent had told her.

What she wasn’t happy about was the fact that the parent who failed to feed her child rang up to blame her. I’m not sure where your getting uncaring from. Cos I’m getting the feeling she’s knackered and sick to the back teeth of being blamed for someone else’s mistake.

The parent is responsible for providing for the child. Not the teacher.

Sunshineandshowers81 · 24/11/2018 08:55

Actually I have read the thread and that is my opinion. I never said the teacher was to blame for the child not eating. I did say she has a bad attitude towards the situation. Thanks for your oh so kind summary of the thread though. I'm getting uncaring from th fact she said she had neither the time nor inclination to check if children eat....time fine but inclination. Doesn't show a very caring attitude in my opinion

Feefeetrixabelle · 24/11/2018 08:58

Because she’s there to educate not parent. And she’d already taking the time and inclination to check he was sorted for lunch. She’s asked once why should she then spend her break double checking.

Wednesdaypig · 24/11/2018 09:02

I'm sure the op said they didn't have the time nor inclination to FORCE a child to eat but, as usual, don't let the truth get in the way of a beating. And lol at someone mentioning grammar! Get a life.

nicnacnew · 24/11/2018 09:11

She is there to care for the child not just educate. Lack of caring for me was evident when OP said she didn't feel at all guilty. If a child in my care hadn't eaten lunch that day whether it was my fault or not I would feel terrible about it.

PotteryGirl · 24/11/2018 09:21

I've already said this but this school needs to revisit it's lunchtime protocols...no child should EVER go without food at lunchtime..Yes, sometimes mistakes are made on the morning register when a teacher enters Dinner instead of Packed or visa versa but the lunchtime supervisors check that. Mistakes are rectified. It sounds like a big brag but this scenario would not happen at my school..and it's a big school. This is one of those situations that make the school staff go back and look at how things are done. Good will come of it.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/11/2018 09:26

Child is 8. Child at fault (although just clearly made a mistake) as they fit their lunch arrangements wrong and then didn't speak up when they had nothing.

Parent partly at fault for not checking child had lunch.

Teacher not at fault as doing they were there and certainly they don't check lunchboxes everyday and take child's word for it.

I suspect parent cross because they failed to note no lunch and their child was hungry as they are trying to deflect the blame.

Lunchtime supervisor should take some responsibility for making sure everyone does indeed have their lunch when they are eating!

DobbinsVeil · 24/11/2018 09:34

The Child is 8 but also has some issues (OP's words), though the OP thinks they are not relevant here.
The child should have spoken to me , the child has some issues but is not shy

I've heard variations of the above for my 2 with SN nearly every time I've raised an issue. Even though thry have communication disorders and their communication is, err, disorderly. When in mainstream primary anyway.

Strugglingtodomybest · 24/11/2018 09:38

The conversation at home should be "oh dear, if we forget again you need to tell the teacher. Let's try to remember from now on!"

End of story. An 8 year old can survive a day without lunch. It's not ideal but it's no big deal.

I agree.

MarysInTheDyson · 24/11/2018 09:47

In early KS1 a child might be scared to say anything. By age 8 mine would have told the teacher. I suppose it depends what the child's issues are.

GloomyMonday · 24/11/2018 09:50

"She is there to care for the child not just educate. Lack of caring for me was evident when OP said she didn't feel at all guilty. If a child in my care hadn't eaten lunch that day whether it was my fault or not I would feel terrible about it."

OP said she felt terrible that the child hadn't eaten, just not guilty - what has she got to feel guilty about? Child said they had a packed lunch when asked. OP left the class in the care of a midday supervisor.

GloomyMonday · 24/11/2018 09:54

OP has said child has free school dinners but a packed lunch on days he doesn't like what's on offer.

Presumably he didn't speak up when he realised he'd forgotten his packed lunch because the alternative would be the hated school dinner.

Mum is at fault for not making sure he had his lunch, child is at fault for not speaking up, midday supervisor is at fault for not noticing he wasn't eating. Teacher completely blameless IMO, although possibly could have handled parent complaint better.

MeVoila · 24/11/2018 10:33

If the parents opt out of school meals then it is the parents' responsibility to provide a school lunch . A child of 8 should be able to speak out to someone if they do not have their packed lunch.
One day without lunch is not a tragedy anyway. School finishes 3pm? Surely opportunity to eat soon after this time?And hopefully the episode provided the opportunity for the parent to discuss how to handle such situations with their child.
Not the teacher's fault.

MyOtherProfile · 24/11/2018 10:40

By age 8 mine would have told the teacher. I suppose it depends what the child's issues are.
Very important point. OP said he has some issues. At 8 there could be so many reasons why he didn't tell anyone. Fear, worry, anxiety, distraction...

Mumshappy · 24/11/2018 10:43

Im currently on mat leave but my job at a school (primary) involves being in charge of the whole school during lunchtimes. It would be my fault if a child didnt have lunch. If a child forgets a packed lunch then i have to arrange a hot dinner from the dinner ladies. Is there anyone at the school with this role? My experience is that the junior children are embarrassed if they forget lunch box and dont like to say. Hope this helps

metronome1 · 24/11/2018 10:43

As a one of fair enough. No one is at fault.
However, the attitude of op is awful and I stand by that. Often teachers are the only professionals who may come into contact with some children. They may be the only ones to notice the child is hungry or dirty or anything. I have had children on my case load who only ever eat at school. If the school dinner or pack lunch is the only meal they get that day then it's pretty important for teachers to notice when they don't have one.
Teachers can be the only adults a child meets who feel safe. Teachers cannot be just there to teach and nothing more. Children are at school the majority of the week. An attitude like op is why neglect and abuse is unnoticed for months.