To be boiling with rage that he WONT cook.

[peonysandhotcrossbuns]

DH will only cook dinner for his DD (my DSD) without even considering what he, me or our DD will have.
I have been at work since 8am this morning. I arrive home at 6pm to a clingy toddler who I play with upstairs for the first hour of being home.
I come downstairs at 7pm to find that DH has made DSD dinner and not even asked me what I might want or made any for DD!

The thing that makes me most cross about this is that e starting to cook at 7pm means I have a crying clingy toddler at the kitchen door who doesn't understand why mummy has just got home but is now not able to see her because she's dealing with hot pans, ovens etc- the whole dinner rigmarole then seems to stretch into the evening and Im knackered.

He CAN cook/ know how to.

Argued that we had no food but we have PLENTY!

I cook for him, his DSD and my DD 95% of the meals all year round.

Why is he SO useless/ non family minded in this sense?

He then called me twat so that was great.

I wouldn't so much as put on a slice of toast for him ever again!! Seriously, he has told how he feels, just look after yourself and your own child and leave him to sort himself out

Offs.

I really should read tft before posting.

I feel sad for the atmosphere the kids must live in. They'll soak all this up.

Okay so the toddler has already eaten? And he was cooking for your step daughter? So when do you and he eat? Was he waiting for you to cook something for the two of you? I’m confused. It seems like you need to have a chat about meal times and outline everyone’s responsibilities. You shouldn’t have to cook every night but if you all eat separately then I’m not sure if he was assuming you would make food for yourself later if that is your usual routine?

Can people stop berating me for my toddlers routine please? I am an early childhood professional with a degree and an 18 year background of caring for children of all ages in a variety of capacities and contexts.

My daughter is thriving and there's nothing wrong with how I am raising her.

The opening post was about my husband's selfishness. My toddler was crying because she hasn't seen me all day and wants to spend some time with me.

Does he have form for this sort of behaviour?

It's not clear if your DD is his DD or DSD, but either way...

What, exactly, is unclear...

FIRST line of the OP ‘DH will only cook dinner for his DD (my DSD) without even considering what he, me or our DD will have.

So your daughter had already had her tea but is stupidly late and is tired. Really struggling to see how you can’t see the problem here.

An hour's worth of time with you when you've worked 8-6 sounds pretty good, though. A lot of toddlers head to bed at 7.

So he obviously had fed your dd. And was feeding dsd whilst you were playing upstairs for some strange reason. And you like to eat at 8 but was pissy he was cooking for dsd at 7 because she was hungry?

Thanks for the cv OP [hmmm]

He’s unreasonable for NEVER cooking for you.

However, how unreasonable he was tonight sort of depends...how often does DD have a second supper? If it’s every night then he’s unreasonable, if it’s only the odd time then it’s nit that unreasonable to assume she’d eaten at 5 and you’d eat after you put her to bed. So, it depends on yours usual routine really. Also, I’d have just sorted DD with something quick then sorted myself out after she was in bed, but again, that depends on what time she usually goes to bed...

Why not (and god I HATE this phrase) ‘Meal plan’ as a starting point, then the cockwomble will know what he needs to cook and who for, when he’s home before you.

What a drip feed.
Your dad has eaten, she doesn’t need more food.
Being a professional in childcare/ children has jack shit to do with your competence as a parent.
Ask him to cook for your when he cooks for dsd.

The opening post was about my husband's selfishness

What selfishness? That he didnt cook her a second dinner that she didnt actually need at a time when she should have been heading to bed?

*Mother of 6, 28 years of child rearing experience with my own children. If we are posting CVs.

So actually your DD had eaten at 5 (which presumably he made as you were at work) and then when you and your daughter were upstairs he made his DSD something as she doesnt like the food you eat.

Thats quite different though it sounds like he can only cope with making one thing at a time so made your DDs before you got back and then was making his other DD something

We all eat at different times, I sit down to eat at 8pm and toddler still screaming because she's only had 1 hour of my attention all day.

Or, she’s screaming because she’s tired and should be in bed? Just a thought.

Then why didn't you spend time with her rather than stomping downstairs to throw tea towels around, showing your displeasure that your OH hadn't made second supper for your daughter?

There's definitely favouritism going on here, but it's not your OH and it's not for your DSD...

If my child had had 3 meals during the day, and 1 hour of playing with Mum, I'd be putting her to bed by 8pm, not getting into a row with DP about not cooking toddler another meal.
But I'm not a professional childcare expert, so I bow to your superiority.

Perhaps your DH was pissed that you'd gone upstairs with DD to play, rather than bringing her down so you, she, he and DSD could spend some time together. That would have had me raging.

opening post was about my husband's selfishness. My toddler was crying because she hasn't seen me all day and wants to spend some time with me.

How does this translate to your husband being selfish?

There's definitely favouritism going on here, but it's not your OH and it's not for your DSD...

Me too, and I completely on the OP's side before the massive drip feed.

Being a professional in childcare/ children has jack shit to do with your competence as a parent.

This is very true too. Being a parent is miles and miles away from being a professional childcarer, there is absolutely no comparison.

If it's not working for you Peony you need to get it sorted. Give him clarity on your expectations and then if he fucks up, tell him explicitly what you need from him.

Ok, I take it back after that drip feed. Your dh is probably pulling his hair put over 3 dinner times and over tired toddler.

Ffs she's been up with a cold 3 nights in a row, she slept for 4.5 hours today!
Bye now 🖐🏻

So it is not that he cooked for himself and hsi DD and left you with nothing, - cue posters raging that he is selfish, LTB. this borders neglect.

Actually the toddler has been fed already, (ate at 5 so why would he cook again at 7?). You took toddler upstairs so no discussion was had about food. DSD is older - hadn't eaten and was hungry so he did a good parenting job and whipped up something for her while you were upstairs, (assuming you didn't want your precious time with toddler interupted and that toddler didn't want to eat).

And yet you rage?? Just come down, ask nicely if he is making anything or would like anything and discuss dinner together. If the toddler wants another snack - no drama give her a snack.

Yea this thread got weird