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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with teachers?

149 replies

NoChocolateThanks · 23/11/2018 16:25

My DS (Y1) came from school today and told me'Mum,you forgot to pay for 'Beauty and the Beast' '.
The thing is,I didn't forget, it was bugging me for the last week. According to the letter from school, they organised trip for kids to watch spectacle as their current topic is fairy tales. It's in our local theatre and cost £10(it says 'voluntary contribution'),they're going just before Christmas.
I am inclined not to send him as we are financially struggling at the moment, and on the other hand I just feel that the whole outing is totally unnecessary at this time of the year.School knows full well that people in this area are not financially comfortable,yet they feel it's perfectly acceptable to remind the kid that their parent didn't cough up for trip.
Sorry for a rant.

OP posts:
Ohshitwhatnext · 23/11/2018 17:21

Yes but pantos are a Xmas thing are they not

Oh no they're not.

12christmassausages · 23/11/2018 17:22

So the school shouldn't run the trip because it doesn't suit you? They've given you the option of not paying but that doesn't seem ok with you either. You are being very unreasonable.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 23/11/2018 17:22

The school cant force you to pay, but if a lot of kids dont pay, the whole trip can't happen. You can't pay, tell the school that and they should find an alternative provision for your child, which can involve sitting in school instead.

12christmassausages · 23/11/2018 17:23

Also why should everyone else not think of Christmas because you don't want to? I'm sorry you've had a rubbish time recently but you can't expect everyone else to stop enjoying things because you don't want to.

Unicornandbows · 23/11/2018 17:23

Your grieving op which is understandable however being annoyed at the teacher is slightly miss directed. On Monday speak with the teacher let her know that you can not pay for the trip and they can arrange something.

In terms of this time of year the school have many kids who go through different problems at home and trips are always done for them. I don't think they can take into consideration which students personal problem will affect x y z

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 23/11/2018 17:25

It seems you are having a very hard time, but that does not make the school unreasonable or teachers disappointing. They need certain amount of money to run the trip. The school does not have funds to cover for all children who would like to go and parents who don't want/can't pay. I used to run many school trips and you would not believe how stressful it is to chase up payments, and you don't usually know the reason why someone didn't pay- sometimes they just can't be bothered and expects you to pay from your own pocket.

Cambalamb · 23/11/2018 17:25

They have to say voluntarycontribution as they can't make everyone pay and they want to incude every child. If you can't but you're too embarrassed to say, you can email!
There is a boy in a class in my school(I'm a TA) that always asks if a trip is free because he knows his family can't afford it. It breaks my heart every time he shoots his hand up to ask as many other chn are from affluent homes. These things get noticed and we will discreetly let our admin team know so that they can tactfully make sure he goes.

WhiteDust · 23/11/2018 17:27

Just tell the teachers that you genuinely can't pay as money is tight. If, of course you genuinely can't pay. They will be used to it. There will be a contingency.
If you can pay and would just rather spend the money elsewhere, tell them that your DC can't go this year.

Cambalamb · 23/11/2018 17:28

You've had a tough time OP and I've been there. Your outlook will improve in time. Try to let Christmas and your childrens' delight in it, give you hope.

WhiteDust · 23/11/2018 17:28

Sorry. Need to RYFT Sorry.

Yesindeed123 · 23/11/2018 17:32

Rather than being upset you should see it as the teachers doing you a favour! The teacher has done all the organising, buying tickets (usually at a discounted school rate etc and your dc gets a lovely treat. All you have to do is return the note with whatever payment you can afford.

If you had to organise it yourself you would have to buy tickets for both you and dc, arrange time off work/ child care, buy snacks, arrange transport etc etc. Far more expensive!
I think

RebelWitchFace · 23/11/2018 17:33

Have you returned the slip yet? If not just return it without any money.
It might've just been a whole class comment about paying if you can. Yes it's voluntary, but if not enough people pay either the trip doesn't happen or gets subsidised by the school,taking money from somewhere else, and eventually they stop trips anyways.

sheet82 · 23/11/2018 17:37

OP you've had such an incredibly tough time. In itself what you're frustrated about isn't usually something I'm sure would bother you. In fact I think you would normally deal with it well.

I think you should just let the school know you can't fund it this year or if you have some money you can send.

My niece's school is doing a whole school panto trip at £18 a child! But the kids do love it.

Rhiannon13 · 23/11/2018 17:37

cost £10(it says 'voluntary contribution')

This is just the start of it, and is probably the cheapest trip you'll ever be asked to pay for. They're a part of school life and are just one of those things that have to be prioritised. Talking to the school about it is obviously the best idea for this one, but there will be many more in the future that I'm sure you'll be expected to contribute towards.

Russell19 · 23/11/2018 17:39

Just out of interest....does your child get pupil premium funding? If you are on a low income then they should and this funding can be used for your child's contribution. If not, I'd be tempted to argue (politely) that you can afford some sort of donation....

Just wait until secondary school it will only get worse.

To blame the individual teacher is not on. It's a lovely part of our not so lovely curriculum where teachers are trying to enrich children's lives with experiences they may not ever have otherwise. How can you criticise that? £10 for a theatre ticket and return coach travel is reasonable. It may already be part funded by school.

SofiaAmes · 23/11/2018 17:46

The school should not use the children as a means of pestering the parents for money. It's really inappropriate. If they want to pester, then they should do it directly at which point the OP could let them know that it's not in her budget. OP did not drip feed, she said quite clearly that she was struggling financially in the original post. And it's absurd to suggest that she's not prioritizing her child by choosing to spend money on food and shelter rather than a movie (frankly at that age, I would not let my dd see that movie because it would scare her).

Original poster
NoChocolateThanks · 23/11/2018 17:50

RussellNo,he's not on Pupil Premium.
Thanks Cambalamb,trying my best.

OP posts:
ProfessorMoody · 23/11/2018 17:51

For goodness sake. I realise circumstances change, I've become disabled myself and lost my home, my position of employment at the time and many friends.

Unfortunately, that's life. Plenty of people struggle and the teacher is not psychic. Communicate.

And yes, I've gone without food so my child can attend a school function - that's what we do.

duhast · 23/11/2018 17:55

Don't be ashamed about not paying. Plenty of families who can well afford it will also not be paying- but they will have returned the slip. Don't let your child miss out because you are not feeling Christmas this year and let him go.

Allthewaves · 23/11/2018 18:00

Perhaps the teacher had said about returning the permission slips and you child interprets it as paying. If you havnt returned the slip saying yes or no then the school isn't going to know

Clionba · 23/11/2018 18:01

@SofiaAmes the school are not using children to pester parents for money. What a terrible thing to say. Those poor teachers! Just trying to have a Christmas treat for the children!!

Bombardier25966 · 23/11/2018 18:03

@ProfessorMoody Lay off the OP. She's clearly struggling and doesn't need stupid comments about "communication" from someone who displays zero tact or empathy.

NoChocolate, let school know you can't afford it, pop them a note if you don't feel up to talking to them. When things are better for you, you can contribute in another way, like a reverse pay it forward. Take care of yourself, it is a really tough time of year for many.

TheBigBangRocks · 23/11/2018 18:12

Lots of options, don't pay and say no to permission. Ask to pay in instalments, ask for a few extra days until child benefit hits etc. Just not paying and expecting your child to still go is cheeky.

Theatre trips are a lovely addition to school life, they can't plan when they are to suit you. There are always costs with school, out some aside every week and then it's covered in future.

ProfessorMoody · 23/11/2018 18:16

Actually, I have plenty of empathy, having worked with extremely vulnerable parents and children myself, and being in a really shit position with my own child.

If the OP doesn't communicate with the teacher, she shouldn't come on here whinging about it.

HellenaHandbasket · 23/11/2018 18:33

Pmsl. Therefore eliminating half of the posts in AIBU.

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