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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

knives in school-10yo threatening my child.

118 replies

RudolphsJinglingBalls · 23/11/2018 11:18

Posting here for traffic advice as I have no idea how to proceed and am in shock tbh.

My youngest is 10 and in final year of primary. Since joining tis school two years ago there was some bullying issues and my 10yo worked through them with the kids and now they are all friends. Apart from one kid. It's been relentless small stuff. Name calling, isolating friends and shit stirring. Last week my child mentioned in passing that they had holes in their trousers where this kid had stabbed them with a sharp pencil. I was gobsmacked and they just replied " i'm just glad it wasnt the Xacto knife they brought into school and put in their drawer". Turns out this kid has been threatening to stab my 10yo but I felt the threat of a knife was extreme in that it was likely a lie.

A quick call to the school and I find out that this kid did indeed have a knife in their drawer.

I just got off the phone to the head teacher. I asked him about his policy on weapons in school. They do not have one. I asked him how they plan to punish this kid. They aren't. They want me to go in next week and have a sit down with this child and the mother and me and my kid to "smooth things over". I want, at the very minimum, this kid to be excluded for a week to learn the severity of their choice and then to never talk to my kid again.

But no. Apparently its 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. They have no proof ( apart from the knife and the teacher knowing about the pencil stabbing). I have been into school twice about this child bullying my daughter, the other parent has never been in to say that my kid is bullying theirs. But now apparently their kid is upset as mine falls out with them so much!

What do I do here? I am actually employed in education myself but my brain is swimming with this , all my safeguarding training has drained out my left ear and I am panicking like mad and in total disbelief about what could have happened. This is a lovely little school and the last place you would expect students to have knives.

Somebody please help me here.

OP posts:
CrabbyPatty · 23/11/2018 11:40

I think there's a 'happy' medium here. I don't think you can dictate how the school penishes the child e.g. suspension (there is evidence that at primary age suspension isn't the best route to tackle bad behaviour and can have poor outcomes for the child). I do wonder if there are issues at home causing the child to behave like this that the school can't discuss with you. I don't know what an Xacto knife is though? And whilst using a pencil is bad behaviour - it's not comparable with an actual knife. I think you should at least await the outcome of meeting with the child and Mother before escalating further.

CrabbyPatty · 23/11/2018 11:41

*punishes

shearwater · 23/11/2018 11:44

Remind them that carrying a knife is a criminal offence. The school should take this extremely seriously and take every step to reassure you that your child will be safe in their care, as an absolute minimum.

paintinmyhairAgain · 23/11/2018 11:47

bloody hell what a situation to be in !
i'd do the meeting, speak with board of governors, l.e.a and the police for advice in the final incidence. why hasn't the school got a policy in place they obviously need one ! spitting feathers for your son, his affected friends and of course you . Angry.

Dragongirl10 · 23/11/2018 11:48

I would go to the police and say that a school child has a knife at school and the school are not prepared to do anything........

ourkidmolly · 23/11/2018 11:48

Contact the police ASAP. The criminal age of responsibility is 10 and carrying a weapon with intent is illegal. I think the headteacher is extremely foolish calling you in for some strange sort of restorative justice nonsense. It's clearly way past that. No way should you be accepting that. What type of school is this?

paintinmyhairAgain · 23/11/2018 11:51

meant to say that the fact that the school knew a knife was on the premises is bad enough, is it relevant if it was used or not ffs? it shouldn't have been there it start with. sound like some of the staff are idiots and need some more training in safe guarding.

Bloodyfucksake · 23/11/2018 11:51

Police. You can't afford for your child to be stabbed while they all sit around and chat. You are almost finished at the primary so you may as well go for it. It shows your DC to be absolutely strong and intolerant of threatening behaviour too.

Fishandthechips · 23/11/2018 11:55

I would also go to the police. If the school are not prepared to do anything off their own back maybe a word from the police will prompt them. This is beypnd unnaceptable and im angry on your behalf.

babysharkah · 23/11/2018 11:55

I'd be taking to the police. That is outrageous.

BarbarianMum · 23/11/2018 11:55

This is an arts and crafts knife, so having one in your drawer at school does not count as "carrying a knife".
That said, they are sharp and could be very dangerous. Given that this child has one and has threatened your ds with it and has been jabbing him with pencils I would not be going for a "sit down together" chat. In fact Im not sure my ds would be going back to the school whilst this child was in it. Certainly he'd not be going in until Id had a meeting w the head and one of the governors and the school started using their anti bullying policy.

Thehop · 23/11/2018 11:58

I’d honestly go to the police

couchparsnip · 23/11/2018 12:06

They obviously need a policy on weapons pretty quickly. DDs secondary school have a no tolerance approach, which I support 100 percent. First offence of carrying any weapon (or drugs) and you're out. This includes year 7, who are potentially only a few months older than this kid.
Its short sighted to have no policy at all.
Anyway. I agree that it's a police matter.

WhatTheWatersShowedMe · 23/11/2018 12:07

I'd go to the police.

trojanpony · 23/11/2018 12:11

I’d go to the police.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/11/2018 12:12

She damn well can if her child is in danger, Crabby.
Children are not in school to be threatened and terrified.

Why have you got to try and smooth things over with this mother.
It's not your son running around threatening people with knives. It sounds to me that they're trying to make out he's the inconvenience.
If the school are not going to Safe guard your son. Then I'd be going to the police. Oh And this is just me.
I'm not swaying you in anyway but I'd Also be going to my local press and making holy show of the school.

Nanny0gg · 23/11/2018 12:14

They must have a safeguarding policy. Speak to the head again and warn them you're considering going to the police.and there will be no Sit Down with the other family. Recipe for disaster that idea!

Aridane · 23/11/2018 12:15

I think there's a 'happy' medium here

What - for the carrying of a knife?? Shock

I think this is a case for zero tolerance

TheDarkPassenger · 23/11/2018 12:16

I’m fairly laid back and not very dramatic and even I would 100% ring the police and pull my child out of the school

MakeMineALarge1 · 23/11/2018 12:17

The school may not have a policy as they may never have been in this situation before, I hand on heart wish that they didn't have to have such a policy.

That's not to say it shouldn't be treated with the highest concern

I think I would want a meeting with the school, the LEA and the governers to find out what their actions will be then approach the police afterwards if you aren't happy.

What goes through a child's mind at 10 to take a knife into school????

hdh747 · 23/11/2018 12:18

Have a chat with the police since the school aren't taking it seriously.

Weetabixandshreddies · 23/11/2018 12:20

Wow. At the school where I was a governor bringing a knife into school would have been a single one off serious offence and permanent exclusion would have followed.

Definitely report to police.

SoaringSwallow · 23/11/2018 12:21

A Xacto knife is used for arts and crafts, but it's basically a Stanley knife in plastic case, so a razor blade with a point! It's very sharp and certainly could cause a LOT of harm. A teacher attempting to take it from someone intent on using it would at the very least get slashed hands.

I wouldn't speak to the parent. This has nothing to do with the parents. Kids get upset with each other for sure, but there's simply nothing to discuss between parents about a child bringing a razor blade into school. That's for the school, the kid's parents and most likely the police (who hopefully could give the child a strong talking to at this point).

MrsCatKins · 23/11/2018 12:22

It's actually a specific criminal offence to have a knife on school premises.
S139A Criminal justice Act 1988

Weetabixandshreddies · 23/11/2018 12:23

Can I just say also write to the Chair of Governors. In all likelihood they will respond that it's for the HT to manage at the moment. That's fine but you can be sure that the CofG will raise this with the HT and maybe spur them into action, even if they don't admit it to you.