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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

knives in school-10yo threatening my child.

118 replies

RudolphsJinglingBalls · 23/11/2018 11:18

Posting here for traffic advice as I have no idea how to proceed and am in shock tbh.

My youngest is 10 and in final year of primary. Since joining tis school two years ago there was some bullying issues and my 10yo worked through them with the kids and now they are all friends. Apart from one kid. It's been relentless small stuff. Name calling, isolating friends and shit stirring. Last week my child mentioned in passing that they had holes in their trousers where this kid had stabbed them with a sharp pencil. I was gobsmacked and they just replied " i'm just glad it wasnt the Xacto knife they brought into school and put in their drawer". Turns out this kid has been threatening to stab my 10yo but I felt the threat of a knife was extreme in that it was likely a lie.

A quick call to the school and I find out that this kid did indeed have a knife in their drawer.

I just got off the phone to the head teacher. I asked him about his policy on weapons in school. They do not have one. I asked him how they plan to punish this kid. They aren't. They want me to go in next week and have a sit down with this child and the mother and me and my kid to "smooth things over". I want, at the very minimum, this kid to be excluded for a week to learn the severity of their choice and then to never talk to my kid again.

But no. Apparently its 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. They have no proof ( apart from the knife and the teacher knowing about the pencil stabbing). I have been into school twice about this child bullying my daughter, the other parent has never been in to say that my kid is bullying theirs. But now apparently their kid is upset as mine falls out with them so much!

What do I do here? I am actually employed in education myself but my brain is swimming with this , all my safeguarding training has drained out my left ear and I am panicking like mad and in total disbelief about what could have happened. This is a lovely little school and the last place you would expect students to have knives.

Somebody please help me here.

OP posts:

AdamNichol · 23/11/2018 14:44

There's not really anything 'these days' about it - it was always thus.

But threats of violence supported (if true) by possession of some sort of weapon, the school sure fucked their response.

Aridane · 23/11/2018 14:46

Well done

Rixera · 23/11/2018 14:47

@canary it's alright. I left at 18 and life's better than it's ever been 😁

Does mean I take this stuff seriously though. Good on you OP for dealing with it appropriately. If nothing else, you're telling your DD she matters and you will be there for her :)

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 23/11/2018 14:53

Ok I see you reported it, good!

It's a shame so many schools look at their 'reputation' over students' safety. They probably think they can sweep it all under the carpet and it backfired. Had they done the job the first time round, there would be no issue.

BishopBrennansArse · 23/11/2018 14:54

I'd call the police. 10 is the age of criminal responsibility and if the school aren't going to punish criminality then the law must.

RiverTam · 23/11/2018 14:56

well done, OP. I would also be tempted to report this to Ofsted.

Lizzie48 · 23/11/2018 14:57

There's not really anything 'these days' about it - it was always thus

Sadly yes, I know that from being a victim of bullying, and my bullies were never held to account at any time. It's horrible to see that nothing has changed in some schools.

I feel so sorry for your DD, at least she has you in her corner.

HashtagTeamRaven · 23/11/2018 15:06

There absolutely needs to be a zero tolerance policy on weapons! Cannot believe heads suggestion was to have a meeting

Nat6999 · 23/11/2018 15:12

I would contact my MP as well as the police, my DS was very badly bullied at school & it wasn't until I spoke to my MP that any real action was taken. If you don't get anywhere, speak to your local newspaper, schools hate any negative publicity.

loubluee · 23/11/2018 15:34

I’m wondering if the HT is annoyed because they should have reported the incident to someone and they haven’t?

sashh · 23/11/2018 16:05

Glad you went to the police OP and I'm shocked at the head teacher.

7emckinnell · 23/11/2018 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ADastardlyThing · 23/11/2018 16:20

And make it worse for the kid?

Piss off you vulture.

RiverTam · 23/11/2018 16:49

vulture is right, trawling MN for stories about kids being bullied at school? Piss off and go back to practising your selfie pout.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/11/2018 17:03

The head teacher sounds very very pissed off

Good

I'm relieved - though not surprised - to hear the police took this very seriously; perhaps their input (and that of the governors) will "help" the HT to behave in a more appropriate manner

Lizzie48 · 23/11/2018 17:22

It sounds like you have a very incompetent head teacher, who knows, maybe police involvement will provide the wake up call he needs? Or if not, maybe the school governors will intervene if only for the sake of the school's reputation.

Graphista · 23/11/2018 17:53

Honestly? I'd be withdrawing my child from the school, reporting to police and reporting school to ofsted and whoever the hell else I could for being lax in their duty of care. Lax in attitude to bullying and putting children at direct physical risk. Twats!

"This isn't something you 'smooth over', this is something you come down on like a tonne of bricks!" Bloody right!!

After update : you've absolutely done the right thing. Hope this is dealt with appropriately from now on. Is your dd going to be in high school with this girl?

Aridane · 23/11/2018 18:08

Time for a new headteacher!

Aridane · 23/11/2018 18:09

There's not really anything 'these days' about it - it was always thus

But surely knife carrying is relatively new (or am I being naive)?

overagain · 23/11/2018 18:14

But surely knife carrying is relatively new (or am I being naive)?

How 'relatively' new are you thinking? Stephen Lawrence was stabbed to death in 1993, Damilola Taylor in 2000. 25 and 18 years ago respectively.

Aridane · 23/11/2018 18:17

over - I think I am showing my extreme age (was comparing with my time at school)

Aridane · 23/11/2018 18:18

(I suppose also I thought of those as street crimes rather than school weapon carrying)

Graphista · 23/11/2018 18:20

Not a new issue - my parents aunts and uncles had issues with this in 50's/60's at school.

Soubriquet · 23/11/2018 18:31

I too would be going to the police

It’s all fun and games and a “joke” in the bullies mind but it’s not a joke. It extremely serious and could end up with someone hurt or worse dead.

The school are being idiots to minimise this

metronome1 · 23/11/2018 18:55

There was a story a while ago where a 12 year old girl was scarred for life on her face by a blade. I heard it was a pencil sharpener but could be wrong. It happened in the classroom.
The child who did this had been falling out with the victim and said she only wanted to frighten the child but got too close, she never meant to actually hurt the victim.
I'm so glad you have reported this to the police op. I'd be absolutely livid with the school and terrified for my child.

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