To not go to A&E

[WhoTookTheCookie]

I've lost several fingers and I'm pretty sure I've just snapped my spine.
My leg is turning black, my heart isn't beating, everything hurts.
My feet are turning in on themselves and my toes are at right angles.
Oh, and my heads just fallen off.

I should be okay though. I've just taken 2 paracetamol and there's something I really want to watch on the TV.
I'm sure I can hold my head for the duration until my programme is finished.

AIBU to not call 111?

If you're also farting purple mist, yabvu.

YANBU unreasonable OP, I’ve heard that hospitals are not actually very nice, I wouldn’t listen to anyone that tried to send me to one.

Just pop and see the pharmacist in the morning, they might have a dressing for that nick on your neck

@MaryofMislethwaiteManor the last time I ended up in one of them god-awful places they tried to stick needles in me and all sorts.
CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU.

@PickAChew no purple mist. Puffs of glitter. But that's normal for me anyway.

@MaryofMislethwaiteManor we all have to do our bit. I'll expect my letter of thanks from the CEO any day now.

Don't you dare waste an ambulances time with these minor ailments. A Pharmacist if you don't feel better in a day or will suffice.

Sorry to any Pharmacists reading, you're fab & have helped me keep my sanity with not properly poorly but not right either dc on more than a few occasions

You could try and get a walk in appointment, but they wouldn’t be unreasonable to tell you to come back in 15 days. I’m sure they are very stretched and they’re doing their best for people far worse off than you.

Ooo I wouldn't even bother a pharmacist with this.

I'm sure some bog roll will suffice to tie my head back on for now.

Did you have vaccinations as a child?
That’ll be it.

Vaccinations.

That's it.

CONSPIRACY.

Well, at least I don't need my tin foil hat. Silver linings and all that.

Blue roll might be better...

The 'everything hurts' bit is a red flag OP.

Now be a good MNetter and get 111 to call you an ambulance, go to the very top of your house and find the most awkward of spaces to wait in. Don't worry about answering the door as the good ambulances drivers will have your door off it's hinges in a jiffy, and they are such geniuses at moving people out of tight spaces and down several flights of stairs!
They will surely blue light you to the ED of your choice, btw, so make sure you demand to go wherever you like.....

Also if you can bear to watch TV and type on here no way has your head properly fallen off. When mine fell off it rolled into the garden out of the patio doors and I was unable to do anything except lie there until DP came home. No way could I have posted on MN.

Actually (apart from the head falling off - that’s just weird) those symptoms might just mean you’re a werewolf.

You’re completely right not to bother queen NHS with that guff. It’s relatively common. You should be fine in the morning.

Also, did you vote for Brexit?
Are you trans?
Did you vote for Traxit?

If so the pains are all your own fault.

You are being very reasonable. Don't dare waste the time of A&E, or god forbid, an ambulance. Just stay on MN and you'll get all the expert medical advice you need.

You’re right not to call 111.

You should log it with 101 instead.

@FrankiesKnuckle I'm in the attic anyway.
Have helpfully left a trail of my dismembered limbs along the way though - like the Saw version of Hansel and Gretel.

Got to make these paramedics work for their wages, let's face it all they do is drive around in big, green, noisy vans all day.

Just put some ice on it and lie down, as someone who is definitely not a medical professional and just enjoying the threads of the evening, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

EBay.... Splints, back support, plasters and some tea tree oil

@MaryofMislethwaiteManor there's always one that has to one up you, isn't there

I find it very odd that you’ve chosen to post this on a THURSDAY

@Spamfrittersforeveryone I was hoping to hold out for a Friday or Saturday night if I'm honest.

Quietest periods of their week aren't they?

Yabvvvvvu

You’ll be dead by then.

Or not.