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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are teetotal.....

115 replies

Afternooninthepark · 21/11/2018 16:22

Do you find that some drinkers can never respect your wishes and constantly try to ply you with alcohol?
I’ve been teetotal for many years mainly because I’m a complete lightweight and get drunk very, very quickly (half a glass of wine for me and I’m no use to man nor beast) but also because I have digestive issues and alcohol leaves me in discomfort but I don’t always want to explain that to people so just say I don’t drink.
You’d think people would leave it at that but they look at me like they just can not believe what I’ve just told them and I then get ‘Sorry???? You don’t drink anything? How boring!’ or ‘Oh come on, just one won’t hurt you!’
Last week I was at a party, sitting and chatting to someone when a woman I don’t know very well stuck a glass of wine under my nose. I politely declined. She frowned and asked ‘Why not?’, I replied ‘I don’t drink’. She laughed and said ‘Oh, come on it’s only one glass, here’ shoving it towards my hand. Grrr, why can’t people get it into their skulls that no everyone drinks alcohol.
It would be like offering a vegan/vegetarian some wafer thin ham because it’s not much meat!
Anyone else get this??
AIBU to just want to drink my drink without getting harassed over my decision that it’s a soft drink and not alcohol?

OP posts:
disneyspendingmoney · 21/11/2018 16:25

It's called thoughtlessness, just one of those things people do. I like olive jalfrizi with cheesy spam fries, doesn't everybody!?!?!

sosmooth · 21/11/2018 16:26

I have the same issue all the time. People roll their eyes at me or say that I'm boring. Truth is I don't need a drink to have fun. I just want water!

MrsTommyBanks · 21/11/2018 16:26

Yep. It's a pain in the arse, and something I absolutely dread around Christmas & New Year.
I don't really want to tell any/everyone I'm an alcoholic in recovery. So usually say alcohol doesn't mix with medication.

MrsTWH · 21/11/2018 16:28

Yes! I don’t get plied with drinks but I do get a lot of “you must be so boring!” And then not invited out again Confused

Weezol · 21/11/2018 16:29

I got so fed up with this from strangers at things like weddings and christenings, I started saying it was part of my parole conditions. Works like a charm.

DeadCertain · 21/11/2018 16:30

Yep; drives me mad. I am fairly adept at nursing one glass of alcohol when it's thrust upon me and discarding it when the opportunity arises. Shouldn't have to but sometimes I simply can't be bothered with all the fuss over me not drinking (I occasionally drink, but very little). The same people who mock me and push me to drink are more than happy to pester sober me for a lift home at the end of a night though.....

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 21/11/2018 16:30

I don't drink. I don't enjoy being drunk, I just get a headache rather than tipsy and I don't like the taste. People are horrified and call me boring or prudish and say I need to come out with them and get pissed. All it makes me is ill. I just say now that I can't drink with my medication and still get people saying just have one glass. I don't bloody want one, fuck off.

Annajohnsdottir · 21/11/2018 16:31

YANBU. It's people being obnoxious and thinking they know what you need to have a good time in life.

I do drink but I'd never push someone to drink if they said they didn't want to. Not my choice to make for them.

For me I get annoyed if I'm designated driver on a night out and people keep badgering me to have 'just one drink'. I don't want one! I'm driving!!

Timeforabiscuit · 21/11/2018 16:32

I find that the response I get from politely declining alcohol speaks volumes about that person, its an excellent way of rooting out complete bores, arsehats and functional alcoholics.

iIcouldsleepforaweek · 21/11/2018 16:35

Yes I have been teetotal for 8 years and still get this regularly. I just accept that's how it is and don't let it bother me

CatchIt · 21/11/2018 16:35

Urgh, I get you OP.

I very rarely drink, once every 2 years on average.

All my good friends don't have a problem with it, but some peripheral acquaintances just don't get it. Fucks me right off. 🙄

SummerGems · 21/11/2018 16:35

When I was younger people did, but now I’m older they seem less inclined.

When I was younger I just didn’t like the taste, and now I’m older I have medical issues which make it impossible anyway and people know this so they don’t push it and wouldn’t dare anyway. But it says a lot more about them than me.

Nodney · 21/11/2018 16:37

Ive been teetotal my entire life because I honestly haven't found any alcohol I like the taste of! I am 45 now and have only had one boyfriend who had a problem with it. He wanted someone to get totally wasted with so we finished fairly quickly! I have never had any problem with anyone (other than him) pressurising me and I spent most of my 20's going clubbing with my friends (who liked a drink). I have absolutely no problem with people drinking around me and have always had great fun when I've been out!

Original poster
Afternooninthepark · 21/11/2018 16:37

I’m glad I’m not the only one who experiences this.
Weezol May have to use that excuse myself!

OP posts:
iIcouldsleepforaweek · 21/11/2018 16:40

I find that the response I get from politely declining alcohol speaks volumes about that person, its an excellent way of rooting out complete bores, arsehats and functional alcoholics.

Totally agree with this

Duchessgummybuns · 21/11/2018 16:48

This is something I fear. I’ve realised my relationship with alcohol is unhealthy (I black out and act like a twat) and I’m going to A.A. meetings... I’m so frightened that the next time I try to socialise someone will insist on putting drinks in front of me. I know I will decline, but I don’t want the hassle or embarrassment.

Weezol I may steal your parole conditions line Grin

liquidrevolution · 21/11/2018 16:52

I find I am fine with strangers, I live rurally so have to drive everywhere anyhow. I find the worst culprit is my Dsis Angry I'll be seeing her Boxing day so will be interesting this year as we don't usually meet over the festive period.

ProfessorMoody · 21/11/2018 16:52

I find the only people that try and force alcohol on me are a certain "type". My real friends don't give a shit who drinks and who doesn't and would never, ever try and force it on me. They're the kind of people who can take it or leave it anyway. We have a good time without it.

I've had all sorts said to me for not drinking, mainly by other teaching colleagues, though again that seems to lessen the higher you go. It's childish and annoying. I actually don't drink because I'm allergic, but I don't usually mention that, and it's assumed that I'm stuffy or boring when I'm really not.

Headstand · 21/11/2018 16:53

I don't drink, (I'm not 100% teetotal as I will have the odd sip of my DH's scotch or the very occasional glass of prosecco at a wedding or something) as it is like pouring gasoline on my anxiety. It just does not agree with me mentally or physically. I wish it was more acceptable to just not drink and I hate the pressure that comes from others. I used to drink due to peer pressure in my twenties and it got me into no end of trouble. I wish I'd had the confidence then to just say I don't want to drink.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/11/2018 16:54

Yes!!! Whilst not fully teetotal, I drink so little and people constantly cant understand that i dislike the taste of most alcoholic drinks and they tend to make me very tired (Im tired enough with a toddler).

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 21/11/2018 16:55

I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I shut people like this down very quickly. I don't make excuses for it. If they keep pushing it, I just tell them that I've already consumed my lifetime allocation of alcohol Wink

MrsTommyBanks · 21/11/2018 16:56

Weezol I am so going to steal that Grin

Weezol · 21/11/2018 16:57

Help yourself to the parole line.

Bearing in mind these things are said to complete strangers I'll never see again who are being dicks, I have also said that 'the voices don't like it when I drink' and 'because I'm on duty )'.

lunaland · 21/11/2018 16:57

I feel your pain. People look at you like there's something seriously wrong with you when you say you don't drink, and then try and get you to have 'just one'
My PIL look offended when I say no and don't give up asking. I wish people would mind there own business

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 21/11/2018 16:57

YANBU.
Whilst I am not teetotal I very rarely drink (Xmas, birthday and summer holiday) because, well, nowadays I'm just not that bothered by alcohol really so don't see the point in wasting a good night's sleep and a zillion calories. Quite capable of having a cracking night stone cold sober. But I've had people almost take it as a personal insult that I'm not drinking. I usually just say I'm driving to avoid the bother but if I'm really honest, I think their instance that I drink says a lot more about their relationship with alcohol than mine.
The whole culture around alcohol, right down to the "mummy wine/prosecco" thing personally irritates the life out of me but horses for courses etc.