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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you are teetotal.....

115 replies

Afternooninthepark · 21/11/2018 16:22

Do you find that some drinkers can never respect your wishes and constantly try to ply you with alcohol?
I’ve been teetotal for many years mainly because I’m a complete lightweight and get drunk very, very quickly (half a glass of wine for me and I’m no use to man nor beast) but also because I have digestive issues and alcohol leaves me in discomfort but I don’t always want to explain that to people so just say I don’t drink.
You’d think people would leave it at that but they look at me like they just can not believe what I’ve just told them and I then get ‘Sorry???? You don’t drink anything? How boring!’ or ‘Oh come on, just one won’t hurt you!’
Last week I was at a party, sitting and chatting to someone when a woman I don’t know very well stuck a glass of wine under my nose. I politely declined. She frowned and asked ‘Why not?’, I replied ‘I don’t drink’. She laughed and said ‘Oh, come on it’s only one glass, here’ shoving it towards my hand. Grrr, why can’t people get it into their skulls that no everyone drinks alcohol.
It would be like offering a vegan/vegetarian some wafer thin ham because it’s not much meat!
Anyone else get this??
AIBU to just want to drink my drink without getting harassed over my decision that it’s a soft drink and not alcohol?

OP posts:

Lellikelly26 · 21/11/2018 16:57

I don't drink at all either and get the same comments you do. I actually stopped drinking when I had my first DC and just never went back.
I think people like to feel better about their own drinking so try to share it round. What they miss is that my not drinking is no reflection on them or what I think of drinkers. I really don't care what other people do, unless they are drunk and irritating in which case I'll avoid them

Boredboredboredboredbored · 21/11/2018 16:58

Never experienced this. Said as a lifetime teetotaller.

Someonehelpmi · 21/11/2018 16:58

Yes I get it constantly, especially from my family!?? I've been tee total for about 18 months now, mainly because of a health condition but I've realised it does nothing for me and don't actually enjoy alcohol. I always get 'just one sip 'its my birthday/Christmas/Easter', I even got it when I was pregnant

Rayn · 21/11/2018 16:58

Interesting! I just in the process of giving up alcohol as I have gone from been a binge drinker 5 to 10 years go to barely drinking.
After having my last child I realise I no longer enjoy it so what's the point.

I feel immense pressure to drink when out socially but depending what mood I am in to how I respond. I read 'sober is the new black' which really changed my relationship with alcohol. Just need to do it with food now

Badbadbunny · 21/11/2018 16:59

Yep, very annoying and effectively destroyed my social life. People just can't accept that I don't actually like anything with alcohol in it. Far too many seem to think the only way to have a good time is to get legless. I find that just as weird as they find my dislike of alcohol. Sometimes there is no compromise.

RatherBeRiding · 21/11/2018 17:00

I have been teetotal for years because even a sip gives me a splitting headache! I've never had people try to ply me with drink but maybe it's just the way I say "Oh I don't drink" and fix them with a "Go on - ask me why not. I dare you!" look.

My go-to line would be "because I'm a recovering alcoholic" which I think might be mean because then they would squirm, but - honestly - just respect the fact that some people don't drink!

Potterpotty · 21/11/2018 17:01

I get this all the time, even from close friends it drives me nuts! But they do like the fact that they don't have to pay for a taxi at the end of the night.

HowOftenDoYouClean · 21/11/2018 17:04

Im not teetotal per se, i do drink maybe one drink at Christmas, Boxing Day and New Years Day but not always, i have a very limited social circle where i see somebody once every 3-6 months and they associate being social and drinking and always ask repeatedly. I have on occasion accepted just to stop it which isn't too bad as I'm not fully teetotal but it annoys me that i took it just to get them to stop asking.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 21/11/2018 17:05

'because I'm on duty '

Oh I like that!

lolaflores · 21/11/2018 17:07

I don't think declining alcohol is the same as preferring olives or not.
People don't drunk usually for good reasons which are no one else's business.
Only once in 6 years have i but had any n9nsense but I don't go to many boozy events. Not 9ne of my oldest friends have ever even raised an eyebrow.

DaysOfCurlySpencer · 21/11/2018 17:08

I say I don't drink because I don't like it and would rather watch the drunks making fools of themselves and throwing up on the curtains.

I really hate drunks and have great respect for anyone that is trying to stop or refuse drinking because they have a problem.

I do like the rare glass but it gives me irritable bladder, suppose I could just tell them that in future.

IRememberSoIDo · 21/11/2018 17:10

I don't drink much at all like others and usually drive and have had this too. I always have great fun on nights out but find that some just can't understand my choice. Alcohol doesn't agree with me, it never has to the point I think I may be allergic to something in it if that's possible. I made a decision recently to not drink at all after I was very sick after a small glass of Prosecco and less than a half glass of wine. It's just not worth it.

Getmeoutahere5 · 21/11/2018 17:11

I've never experienced this. If I said 'no' my friends would respect it. But I don't know anyone anyway who goes beyond a 2nd glass.

wannabestressfree · 21/11/2018 17:12

I don't drink- have been teetotal for six years for health reasons and one of my best friends buys me a bottle of baileys every Xmas without fail!

Bluetrews25 · 21/11/2018 17:12

Can't remember when I last had any alcohol. Never liked the taste, could have plenty of fun without it, and find the drunks far more boring than sober people!
Not had that many try to push it on me.
My skin is showing the benefits of this - hardly a wrinkle, whereas my boozy contemporaries are like unironed linen out of the dryer less 'lucky'.

bookwormnerd · 21/11/2018 17:13

I have had this. I dont drink alchohol purely for the reason I dont like the taste and I am a light weight, it takes very little for me to feel drunk and I dont like it. It's weird, I think people think by being t total you have a moral objection to drinking and think your judging them. I really don't care if others drink, I just dont want to and there is no series under lying issues either. It's the same as I don't drink coffee as cant stand the taste

stevie69 · 21/11/2018 17:13

I don't tend to get coerced into alcohol. However, cake and sweet treats — which do nothing for my general well being — are a completely different matter. I'm forever hearing: 'Just one won't hurt'.

arranfan · 21/11/2018 17:14

Do you find that some drinkers can never respect your wishes and constantly try to ply you with alcohol?

Lifelong teetotaller. People who know me know better than to persist. It's people I don't know who tend to be pass-remarkable (as my mother would have said) or persist way beyond the line of politeness.

Ohyesiam · 21/11/2018 17:14

Tell them you’re diabetic.

Starfish28 · 21/11/2018 17:15

I drink alcohol and I still get it. My husband has a very low tolerance so often drives to avoiding drinking. I have one or two glasses max but this is becoming less common as I get older. We live in a country where drink driving is pretty prevalent. One of us is always the designated driver who doesn’t drink. But you would not believe the amount of negative comments we get. Oh go on, just one. I’m pretty sure my husband has been left out of work meet ups because he doesn’t drink very much. But as others have said. All that this shows is what a problem the person pressuring you to drink has.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 21/11/2018 17:16

I’m not teetotal. And I do like a drink on occasions, and my friends certainly know that. However, I’ve become a bit weird in the last few years, every so often I just don’t want to drink. I only drink champagne or white wine anyway, literally cannotmstomach any other alcohol, but even so sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I’m happy to go out and perfectly capable of not drinking and having a good time still but it certainly does seem to upset people. I think they feel judged in some way. Also, regardless of the ‘limit’ I will never, ever, have even a tiny glass when driving at any point during the next few hours. Anyway, I found the perfect solution to the ‘oh, go on, one won’t hurt’, brigade when I was prescribed Metronizadole for a gallbladder infection (btw I’ve given birth twice sans any pain relief whatsoever, and I can categorically state, gallbladder pain is far, far worse then giving birth ). I drove DH and I to a friends Christmas Eve party. Every time I said ‘No thanks’ and explained I was on antibiotics I invariably got told, ‘oh, it’s fine’, until I explained, ‘no, it’s not fine, it’s Metronidazole and it will cause organ failure, do you want to call the ambulance now or later?’. Funnily enough they left me alone after that.

Xiaoxiong · 21/11/2018 17:17

It's very odd, when I was pregnant (not visible) I would say "oh I'm not drinking at the moment" and people wouldn't bat an eyelid. But when I did a month off booze this summer and used the same line, and was definitely not pregnant, people were really weird about it. It was like I needed a socially acceptable excuse. I ended up saying I was on antibiotics to get people off my back.

It reminds me a bit of when you're in a pub and a guy is trying to chat you up, but will only go away if you have a boyfriend or husband as if that's the only legitimate reason - whereas just not wanting to talk is unacceptable!

AnotherOriginalUsername · 21/11/2018 17:19

Never. I drank in my mid teenage years (14-16 ish) but largely stopped by 18. Been through university, work, big birthdays, holidays, weddings etc. and not once has anyone ever tried to persuade me to drink.

MsSquiz · 21/11/2018 17:19

All the time!!
I'm not tee-total though, but often just like to have a couple of drinks and then move onto soft drinks, and it's almost never respected.

I've had people ask me what I want to drink, I reply "lemonade" and they come back with a vodka and lemonade because "you can't just have lemonade!" (I usually hand the drink back to them and then go to the bar to get my own)

I've also been told by my DH's friend's wife that I "think I'm better than her because I don't really drink or play drinking games when everyone else is"

I've tried pointing out that I don't drink much because:
My hangovers are horrendous
I'm quite often sick as soon as I have the 1 drink too many

FranciscoGoya · 21/11/2018 17:19

I've seen this talked about on here before and I do think it's dependent on your social circle. It's never happened to me, and I'm glad because if I was hanging out with people who did that, it would mean I was keeping bad company.

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