To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

My snobby mother in law: So what type of house do your parents live in?
Me: Oh one with walls and a roof.
I’m not English so she couldn’t work out my background via other means. I think she got a bit desperate 😁

I used to get this a lot , interesting as someone up thread said, West London ex Westminster and st Paul’s and Oxbridge crowds. Do I know you???!
St Paul’s old girls ( is it paulets?) 🙄umm I know a few snobs in that group . Westminster old boys are not the sportiest btw so I would be surprised to hear one of them talking about skiing in anything more than a trying to make conversation way.
Seems a particular issue with Oxbridge the what school did you go to question. Rather silly question if it’s been a while since you left. I mean seriously asking about schools if you are over 30? I do the pained look and just say I have blocked out my school days far too traumatic! Or name my primary school as much more fun.

The ski question is a new money question probably asked by someone from a working class background. But could easily be just making conversation. The way to answer if you think they are class defining is simple to say no we sailed as a family as can fit the family Labrador on the boat can’t take the dog skiing 😉. Boats and dogs trump skiing! Including dingys.
The true upper class are actually usually quite down to earth. Rich is not the same as class.

I delt with this rubbish in my 20’s in the post uni London working environment. Haven’t had this for years now but you have my full sympathy.

I had a friend living in Florida for part of the year (other half South America.) Her kids were at a private school and she was talking about making friends locally. "I don't have enough money for some of the mothers." I'm not totally sure how she knew that, how she felt they were measuring her, but I will actually make a point of asking her now.

Why would you bother even trying when it's so easy to run a 'shabby chic' legend? Maybe you need a British accent for that, she doesn't have one.

I find you can tell a lot about someone from where they moor their yachts, who their chef trained under and so on.

With regards to the dinner/tea debate it definitely IS a class signifier, although only in the north. Northern people from the upper-middle and some middle-middle classes will use the southern style.

Although the true UMC way should be 'supper' really 

Oh the skiing thing 🤣

Happened to me once. The group I was with suddenly started discussing it. I tried to stay conscious but I was visibly glazing over because I couldn’t contribute to the conversation as it was like a foreign language and it was also quite boring
One person said to me ‘oh sorry .....you probably aren’t interested’
Then it moved onto expensive garden furniture (who knew some people spend 2-3k!!!!) and I just thought ‘right I’m done here. I need to get out and go home for my cheap Nescafé cappuccino and Maryland cookies’ I felt drained

This thread makes me cringe. Especially posters that claim not to care what class they are, despite you know, their posh accents and middle class upbringing being mentioned just in case :). By the way I belong to upper middle, not that it should matter of course.

It’s a middle class/upper middle class aspirational thing. People from traditional upper class backgrounds do not ask probing lifestyle questions and do not care how much money you have. They might ask if you are related to such and such based on your name or which school/uni/workplace you went to try and identify people you might both know.

It’s easy to disarm aspirational networkers by ignoring their opening gambit and asking them about an entirely different cost neutral subject instead. If you’re lucky they’ll be so eager to impress and so pleased someone is eager to listen that they’ll launch right into their opinions on that.

Violinboymum

So why mention it? You couldn’t not, clearly.

🤣

completely working class and go to a lot of black tie events through work - never have i come across this i have to say

Working class- and proud of it and don't give a tinkers cuss what anyone thinks either:-)

Also, agree very much with the posters who have pointed out that wealth is not the same as class. There are many super wealthy people who are desperate to be seen as ‘upper class’ and exhibit the same sort of behaviours at events when they come across artistocrats, judges or whoever they believe is the next rung up.

A lot of Trumps anger, for example, appears to be rooted in this lack of acceptance or recognition.

stressedbeyond123 They know our background as soon as we open our mouths, they don't need to interrogate us.

Yes the upper classes rub shoulders with us, but they don't invite us where it matters, and they don't marry us.

If you want to come across as old money, only bathe once a week and join the "too posh to wash" brigade. I used to work with people like this - public school, Oxbridge, loaded - and half of them were a bunch of stinkpots.

I'm working class and have never attended a black tie dinner. I used to feel ashamed my class but not these days. I think if you are happy with yourself and proud of what you are you can go to any event and mix with any kind of people and not worry about any kind of question

This only ever happened to me at Uni (not Oxbridge but wannabe oxbridge). I particularly remember being fairly openmouthed on being told "We really admire you: it must have been so much harder for you to get here than it was for us" FFS just because I went to a state comp not a public school.

Those who care aren't really very posh or rich. For work I get to mix with a lot of super wealthy and extremely posh folk and have never been asked these questions. Its only middle class social climbers who try to desperately prove themselves. I'm from a solid working class background.

Yes, the arrivestes. My daughter goes to a school which shares a name with a TV show from like 30 years ago. Anyway - she was invited to a leavers' do at a boys' school our friend's sons attend in town. A dad collecting his scion did of course ask me where she went. I said. She also shares the regional accent of the show to some degree (modified by glorious Yank - it's quite something.) "Can I mention Birds of a Feather?" he said to me. "If you must." She had no idea what he was talking about. I was embarrassed for him.

We don't have a class system in Ireland but there is a kind of a snobbery sometimes around affluence. I've had this when I first moved closer to the inlaws who are loaded. One mummy was very friendly to me until she realised that unlike my inlaws who I suppose would be Nouveau Rich we were in fact,Toujours Pauvres.

My sister is a terrible snob. You could be an utter cunt but she would think the sun shines out of your arse if you had money or know celebrities.

I think class is important. Well, it certainly is if you are working class. You need to understand the class system and class based politics and who will have your back.

I work in an environment where I regularly meet very wealthy people. Some of them definitely 'pump' you for socio-economic info rather than make conversation. I just find it all a bit pathetic, it doesn't bother me at all.

I had a bit of an eye opener with people like the OP is describing. I used to be an expat and mixed with loads of snobby expat Brits who talk like this.

I had a party for my 40th and invited lots of our friends. I had to invite a certain couple whose DH is upper MC (or whatever) and has a titled parent. He spent the first hour looking down his nose at everyone and refusing to join in. My friends are mostly like me, WC.

Anyway the next day I got a phone call to give me "feedback on my party" Apparently it was the best party he had ever been to. Everyone was a bit sloshed and made him feel really welcome. Where did i find those friends? Everyone was taking the mickey out of each other and it was brilliant.

Well, to me it was just a normal night with some booze to loosen the edges. When I asked her what type of parties they went to she described what the OP said. It is "What boarding school did you go to? Where do you ski?" etc. More like a networking event than a good time. We took him at face value. He told us he used to live in France so we demanded to know about all his shenanigans with French ladies. We demanded to hear some sexy French sentences and gave him a good ribbing and he loved it. I don't think he had ever had a right laugh when he was out.

It was then that I realised that these types of people are not better off than me.

With regards to the dinner/tea debate it definitely IS a class signifier, although only in the north.

Not true. I grew up working-class in the south-east of England and we had breakfast, dinner and tea.

SilentIsla because this way she gets to ‘ironically’ let everyone know her class while at the same time attempting to denigrate and take the piss out of other people who share their class :) it’d be quite a smart manoeuvre if it weren’t so transparent lol.