To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

DH was in the FCO and we travelled loads, very posh dinners etc but I’m very happy to say I’m working class. DH is ex army and did well, I went to free uni but went to terrible schools (from Scotland so went to nearest schools in bad neighbourhoods)
Our backgrounds really confused people!! When I spoke to people about finding a job one woman said “wouldn’t you rather come to yoga with me?”

Well yeah luv but i want to pay some bills too!

People do this all the time. They want to put you in a box: approved or non-approved. It’s incredibly boring. I am very mysterious to many people, having lots of “insider” features but resolutely refusing to live the lifestyle. When people are really obnoxiously inquisitive I am quite good at confusing them!

I agree but everyone has their pet questions and topics to learn what class you belong in - some of its very clever (ie too much work for me!). Everyone at schools are constantly pigeon-holing and get very frustrated when they can't figure out which camp to put you in. I recall being told, "So glad you joined us, now we know which camp you belong in." umm, I joined in because you asked, not to get a label. We usually get a "pass" as we are "foreign" so we get to break the "rules" but it definitely grinds some people not to know if someone is "worth" getting to know!

Those quizzes made me giggle, one said I was very posh, the other suggested I was a girl-done-good. I'm somewhere in the middle! I've had a comfortable upbringing but pretty average jobs.

I do have some well off, society-ish friends and they're mostly very nice with very little side. They do some things in line with their upbringing. I avoid the obvious social climbers and judgey types- like the girl who asked my friend why she wasn't keen on a certain guy as he liked her. When friend said "no chemistry" this girl looked confused and said "but can't you ignore it, he's the son of a Duke!?" The baronet I know is unassuming and lovely. Just tries to put everyone at ease and gets on like a house on fire with everyone.

There was an inverted snob at my boarding school though. She was happy to sneer at it. Until it was pointed out that if it was such an issue for her, why was she there.

SilentIsla it was sarcasm I am foreign, so a complete outsider your British class system. Most people assume I must be thick and poor thanks to my accent.

FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine I thought it was clear I was joking, but apparently not

Never happens to me to be honest. But I'm working class and only associate with working class people! (Not deliberately but I just never really have much opportunity to meet middle or upper class people).

Doesn't happen to me either, but then I speak pure Estuary so I imagine people draw their own conclusions.

I was corresponding with someone who was extremely "well to do" - work related. His family were new money. No title, si he liked to put Esquire after his name. Anyway, when we met and he asked me which branch of the family I wa connected to I was highly amused. When I told him I wasn't part of one of the aristocratic castle-owning branches of my surname he was mist disappointed, saying - "Oh, so you're not a Lady, then?" Now, if you had asked me that a couple of (a few?!)hundred years ago possibly, but working class all the way now. Fawning stopped PDQ.

I attend a lot of black tie dos in London too. Lots of literary events with work.
I can honestly say I've never come across this.

The only time I was ever pulled up on my 'class' was at a friends 40th party locally who made fun of me, unpleasantly, all evening because he said I was 'posh'

I'm not really posh. I have a non-local accent because I live somewhere I didn't grow up. My parents aren't rich, but not poor. I have no idea what 'class' I am.

It’s easy to disarm aspirational networkers by ignoring their opening gambit and asking them about an entirely different cost neutral subject instead.

I tried to imagine myself pulling this off but it just sounded totally autistic (not using this in an ableist way ok!)

"Hi, I'm John, so what do you do?"
"Do you like trains? I like trains, back when I was a kid I loved to ride on the Intercity trains, every time we went on a train I always asked my mum 'will it be an intercity train', those trains were cool!"

or worse

"mmhm, what do you think of method of random sampling computational experiments?"

This is why I don't go to parties...

like the quizzes too, depending on what questions they ask depends whether I'm traditional wc or mc, I don't really fit into one or the other but think I'm more wc.

Doesn't happen to me either, but then I speak pure Estuary so I imagine people draw their own conclusions

Yes! I dream of people not being sure of my class with my coarse Stevenage accent 😂

3wildones is right. They never let anyone who isn’t one of them into their inner circle, no matter how much they act like they don’t care. They all went to the same boarding schools and events growing up and everyone knows everyone through someone else.
Read the Julien Fellowes books such the book “snobs.” It explains it perfectly. It’s nothing much to do with money, well that helps obviously.
You can be as rich as you like and not allowed in. That’s why the aspiring middle classes get so anxious as they will never be let in no matter what they do.

Accents depend on who's listening. DP has a pleasant voice with a Hampshire twang. I have quite a posh voice with no accent to "place" it. An Irish friend says we sound exactly alike to her- just posh-ish southern accents.People usually pick up on my voice as posher. Doesn't matter at all, just makes us all giggle!

I think that Europeans who have moved to this country have possibly contributed to lessening the the importance of class for example in thr school setting. The European parents don't seem to judge other parents in a class related way and It seems that as they have have not grown up with the English class system they are sort of immune to its psychological constraints.

I live in another EU country and the thing is that markers of social status in one country can fall completely flat in another. It does teach you to relativise somewhat!

Braying suburban mothers who drive their offspring to very expensive schools with manicured lawns in a 4x4 and then pop to Waitrose are not at all chic to French eyes. The English status symbols of a large house and garden which you live in every day can be a bit lost on people who think it’s nice to live right in the muddle of a city with restaurants and museums and where children can walk to school. And where you can buy food fresh in a market.

I love when people ask what dh or I do or where we live because I’m really proud. People may not be impressed with our answers but I’m proud and happy.

The English status symbols of a large house and garden which you live in every day can be a bit lost on people who think it’s nice to live right in the muddle of a city with restaurants and museums and where children can walk to school. And where you can buy food fresh in a market.

I agree with this, and I'm a Brit

What's an Estuary accent? I'm going to have to google it now because I've never heard of it.

Estuary English is how Jamie Oliver talks. Owes something to regional working class South London but somewhat softened and may often have a hint of 'posh person talking common' about it.

Well I love skiing and have lived in HK travelled etc

So they’d definitely get the wrong impression of me 🤔

I have had these questions asked... I am foreign so do not fit comfortably into any boxes - thank God as these things do matter in Britain. You can see some people squirm in frustration at not being able to place your accent or choose which mental file to put you in.

This sort of thing is usually tedious, with the odd exception. One mum at swimming lessons came to me and asked if DS was wearing Boden trousers. I said yes and she was very friendly for a few sessions. A few weeks later I mentioned I'd been to Primark. She said in horror "I don't do Primark" and hasn't spoken to me since. Now that was funny

Violinboymum

SilentIsla it was sarcasm grinhmm I am foreign, so a complete outsider your British class system. Most people assume I must be thick and poor thanks to my accent.

Oh but of course... lol

Estuary English is how Jamie Oliver talks. Owes something to regional working class South London but somewhat softened and may often have a hint of 'posh person talking common' about it.

Neither Jamie Oliver nor I come from South of the river.