To hate when people are clearly trying to suss out what social class you are?

[pukkapad]

I often have to attend black tie dinners etc for networking for work. It's part of the job, albeit pretty nice.

Over the years I've noticed a clear set of questions people ask when they are trying to ascertain what social class you are, how rich/posh you are, your background, how you fit in with them etc.

Do you like to ski? Where have you travelled to? Where are your parents based? (NEVER where are you from) How well do you know London? Oh it's like boarding school!

Gosh it gets so tiring. They're clearly only interested in you if you are similarly living off 'London money' and do things "properly".

Am I the only one that gets sick of people trying to find out what your social class is? No I'm not aristocratic nor rich, I'm solidly middle class but who cares!

I am entirely comfortable with who I am.

My DH is a high-earner and we have done well due to buying houses at fairly good times - but, it's all transient isn't it? Neither of us grew up wealthy, although my upbringing was sort of impoverished middle-class. We haven't always had that income and life events could put us into an entirely different situation within just a few months. I work in a relatively low-paid but socially-useful role and receive a fairly generous helping of perspective on a regular basis!

If some one asks me a question I answer it truthfully, but I don't give unnecessary detail because I know that some answers and the way that they are said may make other people uncomfortable.

So if someone asks me what we are doing over Christmas I might say that we are away. If they ask me exactly what we are doing, I say we got a good deal to go skiing and we are really looking forward to it. I don't say 'Oh well, we simply must get some snow before Christmas so we're off to Courch again' as only a tactless fool would speak that way!

Upper class people know the rules they are supposed to follow - you have to pretend class and money do not exist in public - privately you know they do and how much they really matter - but it would beneath you for anyone to see you acknowledging their existence.

Winterfell I don’t know anyone with the views like those described in your second paragraph. I do know a number of the upper classes and have been shocked at the way they talk about people who aren’t the same class as them when they think they are in similar company, I guess they forget that I’m not one of them.

I have met people similar to what the OP describes. I just make up shit.

I wonder if this is an english thing, tho? I'm from the north of scotland where most folk want to know where you/your folks from, then they go ..... ooooh i've got a cousin's sister in law from there, do you know him/her?

Whereupon you realise you know their dog/neighbour and go oh aye.

London money means heehaw to us though, so slightly different!

@Hisaishi

winterfell ohhh don't I know it well, when I go back to my hometown it's all 'oh I s'pose you think you're better than us now, do ya?' etc.

Yep I have had this in the past too... And I think some others get this when they come from a working class background/upbringing and move away and do quite well for themselves.

When you're the first in an extended family to not work in a factory (or start having kids at 17,) and/or the first to go to university, and/or the first to buy a house, you do get some insecure and snide family members/acquaintances making snarky remarks like 'oooh think yer better than us do ya?...' Says more about them tbh.

So as I said, it's not just the 'higher' classes who sometimes don't want to mix with other classes. I have met some lovely, amazing 'posh' upper class folk, and some vile lower working class folk. Also met some upper class folk who are nobs, and some lower working class who are lovely, and would give you their last penny.

When I first started in the industry I work in (not law or media/the arts), there was a proliferation of boarding school types and by that I mean those that started when they were six or seven, not 13. People you don't really believe exist outside of quite narrow artistocratic circles (I didn't anyway - also didn't grow up in the UK.) Banking was significantly more mixed in terms of social class than this sector. I have met many titled people through this route and other common or garden Etonian, et al types. They're all very pleasant and cheerful but the best way I can describe it is you reach a certain point with the socialising and then it's clear somehow it won't go further. But maybe it's because I'm a gauche Yank (still).

My dh used to get invited to these events that were usually all fully paid for in posh hotels. He never liked going but I always liked them as it was an experience for me, however I do know what you mean op. At the time I was a support worker for the NHS in a medium secure unit. When I was asked what my job was and where I grew up etc I was honest, I really didn't care what conclusions they drew of me, I'm not ashamed of who I am. It didn't offend me.

I don't mind it OP. I love confusing people.

I didn't think class existed anymore, especially where wealth is concerned. I have absolutely no idea what class I am, it's either wc or mc and i don't care tbh.
You are what you are and pretending to be something that you aren't is pathetic.

OVienna, yes, that's a good idea I probably have a few more if I thought about it, all based around people who can't countenance the idea that a person hasn't had the exact same upbringing as them and/or that a person from 'the working classes' might have infiltrated their workplace/social circle.

Honestly, I think you are overthinking it. You are clearly mixing in circles where that type of thing is the norm and they are making convo not realising it's not the norm for everyone. You have told us you are an oxbridge educated lawyer. Many of your peers will have had exactly this lifestyle growing up.

I grew up in a small 3 bed semi in a very working class area. I went to a private school though. I am similarly educated and employed as you. I'm constantly caught up in these frankly dull conversations (and am probably guilty of asking some of the questions) but I don't think people are trying to pigeon hole you. You a choosing to find a problem and that's your own insecurities.

@silentIsla Perhaps he says “toilet”as you do... Nah he prefers 'crapper' or 'bog' - doesn't wash his hands either sometimes you just have to laugh and the out and out snobbery and oneupmanship of MN

Yeah, with me they listen to my accent, draw their conclusions and move on.

Reason why I now live abroad.

@ DarlingNikita I have silenced a room by saying that I'd never been to the south of France. LOOOL. I think we need a new thread: "I have silenced a room by saying...[please complete.] Awesome.

Totally agree we need this thread, even if I cant at the moment think of anything to put on it. I'm sure it would end up in classics.

People do ask questions that are designed to find something in common to talk about. It's not always about class, even if it can seem like it.

You do care else you wouldn’t give it a second thought and definitely wouldn’t create a thread on here about it or feel the need to inform us all of your class.

Also some of those questions will just be what they are used to asking people because that’s the calibre of person they mix with and that’s what interests them. Much like some people make small talk about reality TV.

I think that Europeans who have moved to this country have possibly contributed to lessening the the importance of class for example in thr school setting. The European parents don't seem to judge other parents in a class related way and It seems that as they have have not grown up with the English class system they are sort of immune to its psychological constraints.

It turned out that the Tattoo'd Woman was a member of the aristocracy and one of the Tattoos was the Family Coat of Arms.

Oh good grief a tattoo of a coat of arms. How utterly ghastly.

One of my nephews works at the Treasury and my sister tells me a clearly envious fellow wedding guest asked: “Is that at the actual Treasury?” Umm...what other type is there!?

OP, I think when you say stuff like 'I'm solidly middle', it's like...well, if you were solidly scum class, would it be ok if they made you feel bad?

I mean, when you say stuff like 'NW3', 'Pauls and Westminster' etc, you know that it comes across as exactly the same way to working class people as people talking about skiing does to you.

@laurg

Not that it matters but I’m ridiculously middle class, privately educated, sail, ski etc I’m a walking cliche.

^^

Just missing an accent on the word cliché, my lover

silent Do you really not understand the comment? To that person it was like someone saying they are an astronaut. Just very outside their experience. It is an expression of surprise that someone they are connected with could work somewhere so illustrious.

I've lived somewhere where people wouldn't speak to me or my family because my husband ' is only an engineer' and we didn't have a six figure salary. We were renting at the time too, so that made us double bad! some people are just shallow.

If you move in these circles all this is going to crop up i suppose - not much you can do really, unless you want to have a bit of fun and make things up - depends if your likely to bump into them again or not.
Then you will need a very good memory as well!

laurg

Comedy gold!

No, I love it, I think it's hilarious.