To ask if you had more children after a traumatic childbirth?

[newmum1611]

I know it’s very early days - I gave birth last week for the first time and it was horrendous. Everything that could go wrong did - some down to my body some down to the hospital where they didn’t act quick enough etc. It’s resulted in extra procedures on me, numerous tests on baby and it’s all just been horrendous. I feel like we’re slowly reaching the light at the end of the tunnel and should hopefully be discharged by the weekend but still awaiting some test results before we can be let Home. Hopefully the results are good and all is ok.

I’m not even home yet and know I’ll feel able to move forward easier once I am but I always thought I wanted more children. I genuinely feel so traumatised (even though my brain has already started to blur the memory) at the thought of giving birth again I feel like it’s massively changed my whole life plan. The thought of getting pregnant or having another baby literally terrifies me.

It is early days and I know I should give myself some time but I know in my own mind that I won’t ever feel like I want to go through that again despite thinking I wanted a big family and lots of children.

Has anyone else been through similar? Just looking for a handhold I guess.

Firstly it is such early days, congratulations. I didn't have a terrible birth but my first pregnancy was horrendous, hyperemesis and then really low iron and bp that led to me fainting regularly. When my baby arrived I was on a high but then got really scared that maybe pregnancy hadn't been the cause of my fainting and I was really anxious about being alone with her and something happening me and her being left alone for hours I cared for. I wish I'd actually admitted how I was feeling and got some counseling for it. I powered through but I'm sure I could have felt much better much quicker had I sought help. My sister had an awful birth on her first and she did go for a few counseling sessions. With her second she had a planned Caesarian and she said it was the best day of her life, it was calm, controlled and really great. Wishing you lots of happiness over the weeks ahead and a speedy recovery.

I'm sorry you have been through this and congratulations

But you are right - it is very early days and it is completely normal to feel like you don't any more children at this point. Also, there will still be a hormonal imbalance that will make it hard to deal emotionally with what has happened. Please try not to put too much pressure on yourself to feel like your old self again.

I had a traumatic birth and it was only a year later when I had a debrief at the hospital that I was able to move forward. I wish I had requested it sooner.

Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to? As you are still in hospital, is there a midwife you can ask for some support?

I hope the rest results come back okay.

I'm sorry you have had such a tough time, it's not easy, you'll be able to process things a lot easier when you're home x

My first was a 27 hour labour, I did have drugs for the first 15 hours and was passing out in between contractions, my husband really had to push for me to get an epidural, he was stuck back to back and I was stuck at 5cm for hours and hours, baby's heart rate was dropping for the last 6 hours but I was too tired and drugged up this point to really know what was going on! Short version of the story but he was fine in the end! I had chronic back pain in the epidural site for over a year!

But we had another, I went into labour at home for about 1.5 hours, and baby was born within minutes of arriving at hospital, no problems what so ever! Very quick and relatively easy!

Yes I did. Ds got stuck after 2 and a half hours pushing they gave me a spinal block in case I needed a section. He was eventually dragged out with forceps after shoulder dystocia. He was fine but I was a bit shocked. After a godawful pregnancy I wasn’t sure I wanted to
Do any of it again. Took me 2 years to consider trying and then it took almost a year for me to fall preganant. There’s almost 4 years between ds and dd. Thankfully her birth was a lot different (still a shit pregnancy though) short labour, waterpool and pushed her out in 17 mins. Take time to recover and take it easy. Congratulations on your little one.

I'm so sorry you had such a rough time. I had a traumatic birth with my first and did go on to have a second - I chose to have a C-section and it was a lovely experience.

You don't need to think about doing it again right now though - focus on your recovery and your lovely baby. I'd agree with the pp who suggested asking for a debrief. I had one and it was very helpful.

I had a very similar birth to @ShockedHorrored and was in hospital for almost a week, then DS had awful reflux and kept choking during the night.

I knew by the time she was 8 weeks that I wanted another though. Parenthood is loooooong, you can't judge it when you're too close to the centre of the storm.

I’m sorry you had such a terrible time.

My first labour was 67 (!) hours long and I had a failed epidural and then very painful ventouse delivery. I swore I would never, ever have another child. I had horrendous ptsd and pnd and struggled to bond with my baby and went back to work full time when she was 3 months old.

I did have another - ten years later! I got divorced and remarried during that time and I overcame my pnd etc and decided that I did want another child, just not vaginally! So I went for an elective c section and it was an amazing experience. The recovery was an absolute doddle compared to my first birth- even though I did have complications (undiagnosed placenta prévia resulting in 2.5 litres blood loss).

I didn’t have pnd at all after my second baby (now nearly 7) and the whole experience was brilliant.

My first was a bit fraught and I went from wanting a big family to swearing never again. I should have sought counselling much sooner than I did because an unplanned pregnancy 2 years later pushed me into ptsd. I finally sought help and had a second baby 4.5yrs after the first.

I'm sorry you've been through such a lot of traumatic events, but congratulations! You and baby survived, and over time you'll feel better and better.
I had an awful c section with my second. Planned because of breech, but I was terrified. Cried on the way into theatre, and had too much anesthesia so I couldnt feel my lungs breathing and panicked and thought I was dying. Heaps of pain after, because they didn't get morphine to me for over an hour after the spinal wore off, and then pain on and off for 4 years due to scar tissue and adhesions, despite doing all the right things.
I'd still love to have another (except I don't think we'll ever be in the right financial situation.)
I did suffer PND after having her that I didn't recognise at the time, so I recommend therapy for you to talk through any feelings and help you process them (I used my husband for that which ended up being a huge strain on him.)
But you will get through it. And in a few years you will have an amazing child, and be coping well, and be well past the trauma, and if you feel the urge for another, I'm sure you'll go for it.
Babies fucking traumatise your body, tbh. But wow they are worth it. Despite the tears and the PND and the pain. They are a whole human being built out of your body, and that is beyond anything.

I had a traumatic birth with mine. For a long time I thought that's absolutely no way I could go through that again. But I've had quite a lot of therapy and I'm now at the point that I could accept I would in theory have a baby again. But actually it turns out that im happy with what I got and as relieved that I don't have to do it again. I think the biggest part of the feelings I had after the birth was that this is not the way it's supposed to be. Society tells you you will have a straightforward vaginal birth and take your baby straight home with no issues. So that's what you expect. When it doesn't happen like that I think that the crushing disappointment is a big part of it. Please be kind to yourself. Don't worry about future children for now. Let yourself heal mentally and physically first.

Congratulations on your baby!

I had a tough time with my eldest. She was born facing upwards, got stuck at one point before managing to turn herself slightly and was over 9lbs at birth. I had been given pethidine to calm me down in early labour which I hated and has and air which made me dry heave so I ditched that completely and ended up giving birth with no pain relief after having an episiotomy. It was horrific, frightening and I lost a lot of blood. On top of all that I had PND as well.

I swore I was never doing that ever again. But I did. Second time round 4 years later was much more straightforward. No pain relief again but this time it was my choice I was more in control and I wasn’t in anywhere near the same amount of pain and discomfort afterwards as I didn’t need any stitches.

I’m really looking forward to having at least 1 more baby at some point in the near-ish future! But I think it’s totally understandable and to be expected to never want to do it again after a particularly tough time. In some ways it’s a massive plus. I really enjoyed my daughter’s early years (and my son’s) once the medication for the PND kicked in. I think that’s the main reason I want to do it all again. It was those happy times.

Firstly congratulations and it is very early days but the fact the memories are already blurring as you move forward is a good sign

I had a traumatic first birth. Really wanted a water birth but ended up 11 days overdue (20 by my dates) meconium in waters, constant heart monitoring, 2 failed inductions (pessary and IV) and after 40 hours, max 2cm dilated and losing the heartbeat I had an emergency CS where I haemorrhaged and had a transfusion. Then my womb would not contract back down so the doc had to massage it by hand to shrink it enough to stitch me up!

I blanked out some of this but a fab midwife went through it all the following day
I got pregnant again after about 15 months and unfortunately had 2 mc but then had ds

My next birth was a planned CS due to the baby's size and went beautifully

Enjoy your beautiful baby and when the time is right for you to have more children get lots of support

I had a shit birth with 7yo DS and could never have another. Even now i tear up thinking about the birth and our horrific injuries. DS is fine, i'm still in pain.

We got a dog

Congratulations

I did; two more. But they were planned sections. A dream in comparison.

Yes. A few months after having DS1 I bought books on adoption as I was convinced I would never give birth again.
DS2 birth was the complete opposite. It was lovely.

Yes I did. First was gruesome. Second was easy. Looking back I'm pretty sure I had ptsd after first and after number two had been born all my nightmares and flashbacks went away so having a second baby was a double bonus for me.

Congratulations

This post made me cry. I have been where you are. It took me 6years to try again and I only finally relented as I was promised a c section second time around and the consulatant midwife was so supportive. My second baby is now 4 mnths old and it is an entirely different experience.
Take one day at the time and don’t wait to seek help for the trauma (yes, that is what it is). Do it as soon as you feel ready.
Also don’t worry if the trauma has an initial impact on how you bond with your baby. The bond will come, I PROMISE you this.
Happy to chat over pm, take one day at the time.

Yes. DS1 (2.5) got stuck, was extracted with instruments, had a birth injury and went to NICU, I had a 3rd degree tear, haemorrhage and blood transfusion. This was all in a foreign country, in my second language.

DS2 is 9 months old. I had a c-section and this was decided on after the birth of DS1, by my obstetrician. I think it really helped as the thought of potentially repeating DS1's scenario would have certainly put me off. Can you consider something like this?

I did, I was in labour for 30 hours. Baby was the wrong way, his shoulder was stuck like a pp had but it had to be broken to allow him to come out I lost a lot of blood, tore badly, ended up on high dependency on oxygen. I left hospital when my ds was 13 days old.
I went on to have three more children by planned c section. Definitely a smoother recovery and can't speak more highly of c sections

Yes. After a 70 hour labour ending in a transfer and severe shoulder dystocia, I was never going to let him in the bedroom again. I think I was quite rude to the midwife who came to talk about contraception the next day. Births after that were uncomplicated.

Immediately after DC1 I was adamant I would never put myself through it again. Shoulder dystocia so emergency forceps and extended episiotomy to deliver him. That was after 24 hours of back to back contractions and a failed epidural- agony. The stitches also burst open and became infected when he was around a week old, the pain was unbearable.

However once all of the pain had subsided and I had recovered fully, I really felt broody again and was pregnant within six months . Traumatic delivery again the second time though, the birth itself was absolutely fine but I had retained placenta afterwards so lost 4 pints of blood and needed two blood transfusions. I can confirm I had two more DC after this though .

It’s very early days for you and the brain has a habit of blotting out the bad stuff. Also worth noting every delivery is completely different and it’s not a foregone conclusion you would suffer trauma again. Congratulations .

Yes, everything that could go wrong did and we both emerged from it poorly and traumatised, subsequent births have been a joy!

there are 4 years between mine. First (not botn in uk): 54 hour labour, then c-section (with epidural not working properly - horrendous). physio for 6 months as he had been stuck so long he had limited movement o his left side.
second baby was planned c-section. drs were super nice, made sure i couldyfeel anything.

I did, but via a section. Couldn't do it again and the Registrar I saw was very supportive of that decision. I blooming loved the section. Was a really great experience in comparison. Congrats OP. X

Recovery from my first very traumatic instrumental delivery (with massive pph and lots of complications afterwards) took nearly a year.

I'm now 35 weeks with no 2 (over 2 and a half years later) but I'm having an elcs this time. I wanted another baby but wouldn't risk another vaginal delivery because of teh scar tissue etc