To ask if you had more children after a traumatic childbirth?

[newmum1611]

I know it’s very early days - I gave birth last week for the first time and it was horrendous. Everything that could go wrong did - some down to my body some down to the hospital where they didn’t act quick enough etc. It’s resulted in extra procedures on me, numerous tests on baby and it’s all just been horrendous. I feel like we’re slowly reaching the light at the end of the tunnel and should hopefully be discharged by the weekend but still awaiting some test results before we can be let Home. Hopefully the results are good and all is ok.

I’m not even home yet and know I’ll feel able to move forward easier once I am but I always thought I wanted more children. I genuinely feel so traumatised (even though my brain has already started to blur the memory) at the thought of giving birth again I feel like it’s massively changed my whole life plan. The thought of getting pregnant or having another baby literally terrifies me.

It is early days and I know I should give myself some time but I know in my own mind that I won’t ever feel like I want to go through that again despite thinking I wanted a big family and lots of children.

Has anyone else been through similar? Just looking for a handhold I guess.

My birth wasn't as bad as yours but it was very long, ended in instruments and had a couple of minor hiccups during. To me it was the most painful, long, awful, hideous experience on planet earth. I was truly rocked by how much worse it was than I ever expected. The intensity of the memory did fade after a few months and I had a second via c section, which was positively enjoyable by comparison!

I’ve had three fairly nasty births, 1 forceps after failed induction with pph, 1 csection after failed induction with pph and 1 very emergency csection under ga after suspected abruption. It was horrible, I was under for over an hour after yet another pph. I’m now 36 weeks 🙈

I had an EMCS with DD1 at 28 weeks, as I was in respiratory failure. I was beside myself that I couldn't have a 'natural' delivery and wouldn't experience contractions

DD2 was the same but at 27 weeks and I have to admit I had flashbacks to first time around. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD

If we have a 3rd I'll pay privately for CBT to come up with some coping mechanisms

No I didn't and luckily he was my 3rd
But if he'd been my first I wouldn't have had more.
It left me with PTSD and real difficulty with anything medical (even dentist)
I successfully sued for medical negligence but it wasn't worth it

Congrats on your new baby

I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful time.

My first birth was traumatic...but I went on to have another two children. Both subsequent labours and births were incredible experiences that I look back on as very happy (and empowering) memories!

Ask for help, talk through what happened, and take each day at a time.

Horrible birth first time but must've forgotten about it 5 years later as I had a 2nd baby. Easy quick birth, and had a third baby the following year.

I had a very traumatic first birth similar to stories above. Pregnant now and will be having an ELCS.

Please don't put any pressure on yourself - this is not a decision you have to make now or any time soon! Your post birth hormones will wear off and time may make you feel a bit better. But it sounds like a debrief with a specialist midwife where they go through all your notes with you and discuss what happened any why, may really help in due course - you can ask before you are discharged how to arrange this at a later date? Then counselling or another therapy if you still feel like you need it. You may decide after the reality of a baby that you're happy with one anyway! If not you could always have a planned c section, most people I know have found them a very positive experience especially after a tricky vaginal birth

Congratulations on your bundle of joy! I recommend hypnobirthing for baby #2 if you do have another pregnancy. Plus anything you could implement to avoid the same problems next time.

If I ever did have any more, id go straight for the elcs and id fight tooth and nail to get one.

OP, I think probably the majority of women think “Never again” in the aftermath of labour, even when its been relatively straightforward.
Don’t make any decisions yet. Focus on healing and recovering. Have a debrief with a midwife if you feel it might help.
For what it’s worth, most second and subsequent deliveries are easier than firsts, although it depends on the reasons for the initial difficulty- obviously a contracted pelvis isn’t going to be any different.
In a year or two, if you’re beginning to wonder about a second child, is plenty early enough to discuss options like an elective section. See how you feel further down the line, there’s no rush. And congratulations on getting through it all, and producing your baby!

Yes

However I made sure I was really well-informed and explored every option as I didn’t want a repeat of what happened, I think a lot of my trauma care from going into hospital completely blindly and putting myself fully in their hands so the staff basically made all of the decisions for me (like using rotational forceps)

I requested and was approved for a maternal request c-section but in the end decided against it. However we were very firm about not wanting an instrumental delivery. I felt way more informed about my rights and options/choices which made it less scary. Thankfully I also had a really great midwife who was really understanding about birth trauma and so supportive which helped massively.

We've no plans to have anymore, my ds is 2 1/2 now. A few friends have just had their second or are pregnant with a second so I'm going to see how it goes for them. Not only did I find the birth very traumatic but also the first 6 months of my sons life were difficult to cope with. It felt like nothing went as it should of done from birth onwards!

I've found the memory really does get blurred the further away you get (for me at least). But I also spent quite a lot of time discussing my experience with people who cared to listen (close family) and online with others who'd had similar, and I think that helped get it 'out of my system' so to speak. I can talk light-heartedly about it now without any sad emotions at all.

A friend (who was also a psychotherapist) told me the bad memories take up space, and you have to squeeze them out over time (like rolling up a toothpaste tube), by expressing them. Eventually the tube is empty and the mental space can be filled with something new - you've moved on.

I had a rare complication of pregnancy which almost killed us both, close to the end. Multi-organ failure and sepsis for me, then a massive bleed that wouldn't stop (because my clotting wasn't working properly).

One of my most vivid memories is watching them resuscitate my baby whilst feeling certain I was dying as bleeding out, and praying that at least one of us would make it so my poor husband wouldn't leave the hospital alone.

After that came a long blur, and then post-natal psychosis which nearly had me kill myself out of delusion, followed by depression in the recovery phase.

It was hideous, frankly. But it eventually all passed into blurred memory. I have a wonderful relationship with my little boy who was born into the mess, and he has two little siblings. The following births were like a relaxing spa day away in comparison.

And I know it's terribly cliche, but it really was all worth it. I would do it again without hesitation - although in the few months aftermath I swore I never would (and meant it).

My first baby was a traumatic birth. I had a placental abruption and our baby was born at 32 weeks. He was placed in NICU for 2 nights and spent 3 weeks in neonatal having 24hr care (DS 4lb baby) . I was 20 yrs old and so scared. I thought I was dying.
I got pregnant again and had another premature birth at 36 weeks, this time not as scary (DS 6lb baby) but had a terrible time on the ward with a horrible nurse.
Having two under twos was very hard so we (DH and I) decided not to have anymore children- until 10 yrs later! We now have a daughter aged 6. Her birth was great, I did hypnobirthing and had no pain medicine, not even gas and air. Quick recovery and home the next day

Congrats on your new baby OP!

No I didn’t, I was too terrified to, it scared my husband so much he’s never pressured me to have more children despite wanting more than one.

In hindsight I should have had councilling, even now (16 years later) I can’t watch anything involving childbirth on TV and I’ve been super anxious when friends have become pregnant or gone into labour - obviously I keep it to myself.

Please get help, and advise there is so much more availible now and specialist midwives I believe to help.

Yes via elc at my request. It was much much better for me far more controlled and really lovely actually!

Yes.
The second time was fine (but painful). The third was even worse. For this reason I will never put myself through it again.

No, I wont. My second child will be my last. DP also does not want more because of the trauma of DC2's birth.

None of my vaginal births went particularly well but DS2's was especially bad. It was severe shoulder dystocia, they couldn't get him out and when they finally did after being stuck for around ten mins he was a greyish colour and quite floppy.

We were warned that he could have sustained brain and/or nerve damage due to his birth and then I was readmitted to hospital with the beginnings of sepsis when he was around 4 days old.

Happily DS2 has no lasting effects from his traumatic entrance to this world and my memory of it all is quite hazy - due to a bit of shock I think.

DH though was seriously traumatised by it and really did not want any more children because of it. We did go on to have another after 4 years but I had an ELCS - I would not have had another vaginal birth under any circumstances!

Congratulations on your baby OP.

I've got 5 dc and had traumatic births with my 2nd, 4th and 5th babies. 1st and 3rd were fine.

I did. Very quick birth with DS. I was ignored by the midwives who wouldn't believe I was in labour. No one checked me. I was in agony but in a maternity ward full of other women telling me to be quiet because they were trying to sleep. The midwives only believed me when they saw my son's head crowning. The whole labour lasted one hour from first contraction to my son being born. When I got pregnant with DD a year later I just couldn't face the birth and broke down sobbing in front of the consultant who swiftly agreed to a C-section. It was more that they thought my labour might be even quicker and I might not make it to hospital. DD's birth was lovely and I felt in control. I just wish the midwives had believed me the first time.

Yes, although dh took quite a lot of persuading, he was far more traumatised than me, I was euphoric and babbling about wanting 4 children (hormones) and he was absolutely grey and haggard. In retrospect, he probably needed the counselling that I was offered.

Second birth was very straightforward.

Yes I did. After an emcs where I needed a blood transfusion and almost died, I had an elective cs which was a really good experience.

Congratulations on your little one, OP. Yes, I did have a second after a terrible experience. First one, a horrendous pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum, ended up hospitalised for 6 days at 4 months, then a 52 hour labour with an emergency c-section under general anesthetic. It was two plus years before I even considered having another one. Second one came along this year after a 5 year gap. I was so much better prepared this time, for pregnancy, for labour, for baby. I know people who have said 'never again' and stuck at one, but also others like me who have taken the plunge again. Time will tell.