To ask if you had more children after a traumatic childbirth?

[newmum1611]

I know it’s very early days - I gave birth last week for the first time and it was horrendous. Everything that could go wrong did - some down to my body some down to the hospital where they didn’t act quick enough etc. It’s resulted in extra procedures on me, numerous tests on baby and it’s all just been horrendous. I feel like we’re slowly reaching the light at the end of the tunnel and should hopefully be discharged by the weekend but still awaiting some test results before we can be let Home. Hopefully the results are good and all is ok.

I’m not even home yet and know I’ll feel able to move forward easier once I am but I always thought I wanted more children. I genuinely feel so traumatised (even though my brain has already started to blur the memory) at the thought of giving birth again I feel like it’s massively changed my whole life plan. The thought of getting pregnant or having another baby literally terrifies me.

It is early days and I know I should give myself some time but I know in my own mind that I won’t ever feel like I want to go through that again despite thinking I wanted a big family and lots of children.

Has anyone else been through similar? Just looking for a handhold I guess.

Yes I have. My first delivery was horrendous in every way possible, apart from the fact that my son and I survived I struggle to think of how it could have possibly gone worse.

I won’t go into details but it was very traumatic and I ended up with ptsd. I was in a terrible state mentally until I got help. I was prescribed antidepressants which I decided against taking as I didn’t feel depressed. I managed to self refer for cbt and was very fortunate to be fast tracked getting that as I was postnatal so got priority.

I had quite a lot of sessions and made really good progress to the point I felt fully recovered. 18 months on from the birth I am expecting my second baby next week. I have had a fairly relaxed pregnancy. I am slightly apprehensive about the birth but not to a point where it is upsetting me too much.

It’s early days. Be kind to yourself. Even straightforward births are a big thing to recover from. I would recommend at least having a debrief at the hospital and don’t be afraid to get help if you are struggling coming to terms with what happened.

I had a hugely traumatic first birth experience. It didn't put me off trying for number 2 though, after much soul searching, my conclusion was that it was just a story to tell in the pub. I was hoping to go to the midwife led unit second time around, but had a high risk (twin) pregnancy. Second time around I cannot begin to explain what a positive experience it was. The kindness and professionalism of everyone I met astounded me.
Congratulations on your baby. Maybe give it a little while and ask to review your notes with your midwife if you feel it will help you to move on. I couldn't even speak about my experience without bursting into tears for a long time afterwards. I think our family still don't really know the full story - they got a grandchild and anything else just paled into insignificance.
I hope you are well enough to enjoy your baby

Dh and I both said never again, after a very traumatic first birth, traumatic for me, baby was absolutely fine, thank goodness! We even discussed adoption as we knew we couldn't put ourselves through it again, but over a year later, we are thinking we may consider trying again. It's not a definite no anymore! We had a follow up with the hospital and they suggested elective section for next baby,or senior midwives if we wanted a natural birth. We would opt for the section for sure. We just have to remember and keep telling ourselves that each birth is different, and it's a clean slate. In afew months you will probably begin to see things differently, it's still early days.

Congratulations!

It took me the best part of a year to come to terms with my first labour. I had flashbacks and nightmares for months, combined with the hormonal changes and general tiredness and overwhelming life change that a newborn brings meant I genuinely thought people were mad to have more than one.

Something switched when dc1 was a year old and I felt ready to try again. Now 7 months pregnant and the reality of another labour is starting to kick in. I’m scared but am taking positivity from the fact that people seem to have a much easier time with second labours, plus I have a better idea of what to expect this time and will be much firmer in getting my voice heard. I also feel that midwives have been more respectful this time, like as a second time mum I somehow know what I’m doing (doesn’t feel like it!).

It’s very early days, take time to enjoy your baby and recover mentally and physically, you’ve got plenty of time to think about more babies when the time is right.

I had an absolutely hideous birth with my first, and I did have another but I waited 9 years! When I went ahead I told the consultant at my checkups that I was terrified of going through it all again and they were fantastic. They promised they'd look after me and they did. I had a really quick straightforward water birth second time round.

Congratulations OP. Please try not to think about this right now.

I had a very traumatic experience - emcs at 35 weeks as one twin wasn’t moving and we are lucky he survived. I didn’t see him until the next day and the boys spent 17 days and over two months in nicu. Even the cs was awful for me as I’m terrified of needles and it took 7 attempts to get my spinal in. I had a cs booked because I had awful tokophobia and now I feel I couldn’t do either again.

My twins are now 2 and I would love another but the thought of a labour or cs absolutely terrifies me. There is treatment for birth trauma - speak to your MW about what’s available.

I did. I assumed I'd have to give birth naturally again, but the consultant actually wanted me to have a section because of what happened with the first birth. So i had a planned section and the whole thing was a more positive experience

No. But I was 41 and was subsequently diagnosed with a chronic life changing condition unrelated to childbirth. Until I got my diagnosis, I considered it when dd was 2.

I had a horrendous birth too, 4th deg tear, baby forceps delivery and bad bruising on skull. I lost a lot of blood. I knew it was bad, but it didn't fully hit me till I became pregnant 2 years later and spent the first trimester in extreme anxiety, couldn't sleep it stop thinking about giving birth. In the end it was twins, lower was breach so I had a planned c section and it was AMAZING. There is some pain in recovery but it was

Hopefully this will be an option for you. I would definitely find out if can get notes sent to GP regarding how your body affected the birth to help you fight for a section next time. Also talk about the emotional trauma at your 6 week check.

Traumatic births can affect you emotionally in the next months so just be aware and go to doc if you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious etc more than usual.

Thank you so much everyone who has replied. Reading your experiences makes me feel a little less alone!

I did think about whether I’d be comfortable with an elective c section - but unfortunately even my epidural went wrong so would be scared to even have that for the c sect!!

I’m hoping that once I’m home and regain some normality I’ll start to feel better. Being trapped in a hospital and not feeling like you are in control of your own body or baby is very frustrating to say the least!!

I am worried about PTSD or developing PND as a result of it all but am aware and so can seek help if this is the case.

Thank you lovely ladies for sharing xxxx

Not as bad as most of these but 26 hr back to back contractions. Honestly, the first were as painful as the final ones. Ventouse and episiotomy which were the best bits of the whole thing tbh. I was quite traumatised afterwards and ended up on sertraline. Had 3nd baby 2 years later with epidural. They had to wake me up to push, it was awesome. Remembered much more of it too. Congratulations xxx

@newmum1611 my epidural went - very - wrong with my first as well. they were super careful and very nice and reassuring to my at my second c-section, always making sure i was pain free. so amazing!

I went into my first pregnancy planning on having 4 children. After giving birth, I too was traumatised and swore to never have a child again.
It was another 9 years before I dared try it again.
Trust me, the pain and trauma does lessen, quite quickly. At my post natal check the doctor told me to book a long appointment so she could go through all the events with me, and she also referred me to a psychologist. I had a couple of sessions with him and it really helped.

Congratulations. My first labour was over 24 hours in hospital and I was exhausted. Just gas and air and baby wouldn't come out. Wired up to machines didn't help nor all the intervention.Midwife made some wise arse comment that I wasn't trying hard enough. Stupid woman. After some time they realised the cord was round my babies neck and they hadn't known. They dealt with this and baby slithered out quickly. Thank goodness she was ok. Second baby born 18 months later and this one had no intervention at all. I was walking around and felt head engage so lay in bed and out baby came. Such different experiences. I think being confident and in control of what I wanted made second birth easy

I had a failed (mismanaged) induction at 42 weeks which culminated in an EMCS due to deep transverse arrest and distressed baby. It was horrendous.

4 years later I had a spontaneous labour and VBAC which was largely uneventful - and DC2 was even bigger than DC1.

I did have support from a birth trauma helpline when pregnant with DC2 - the amazing Sheila Kitzinger answered the phone and let me cry for an hour. She honestly put me back together emotionally and made me believe I could do it!

I had an awful first labour. Physical damage, physio needed and look tdnif mental damage. I am just, and never will recover physically.

Adamant I didn't want anymore. Considered sterilisation but DH begged me to wait.

Currently pregnant with DC2. An accident. I'm terrified. Considered termination more than once. Really unhappy about being pregnant. Fighting for a c section and dreading birth and the postpartum period. I really don't want to be doing this.

I did! #2 was a traumatic birth. Midwives didn't believe me when I was in labour despite having contractions, sent home, DS born in car, resus, he's fine now. With #3 & #4 I made sure I got to hospital in time and refused to leave. Both were born within half hour, both healthy

I had counselling arranged by the midwives at the hospital before my second labour.

My first labour was difficult and I realised during my second pregnancy (I got pregnant again when DC1 was 9 months) just how scared I was to go through it all again...despite the lovely 'prize' at the end.

The counselling was done by a specially trained midwife and was really helpful. For most of it my second labour was practically a re-run of my first but I felt so much more in control and was much more vocal about my methods of pain control and what I wanted.

Looking back I have many more positive and empowering memories about it than I do the black spots and fear of my first. It definitely helped me bond better with DC2 and function better in the first few months too. If you have the opportunity to speak to someone in the coming months, then do x

For me, my first birth was terrible. I'm now pregnant again (birth was last year) and I'm terrified about doing it again, but more terrified of a section

Very traumatic 1st birth, midwife did not believe I was in labour and made it clear I was wasting their time. Face presenting POP and 29 hrs later after my “not in labour” labour delivered my DD. I had PTSD and an obsession with having another baby (weird yes).

I decided I was not going near a midwife whilst in labour as I felt this particular midwife was responsible for the horrendous experience. My GP helped me find a midwife after I rejected the NHS service.

17 months later DD2 arrived at home really easily with just the one midwife of my choice quietly supporting me.

There's 13 months between my first 2 dc because my first birth was so horrific I knew the longer I could dwell over it the more I would put off doing it again and I definitely wanted more than 1 so I just did it.

You need to ask for a birth debrief. It's really helpful to go through everything that happened and make plans for what could be done differently the second time around.

I also went to a different hospital to have my second.

I was diagnosed with PTSD following my third birth as it was so awful! I had a fourth (and final) baby 2 years later and it was textbook. Completely ‘fixed’ me. I won’t lie though, I had counselling and the help of a wonderful midwife who came in to deliver DD even though she wasn’t ‘on’ call because I told her how terrified I was and cried all over her!

Yes, by elective section. I was very firm that there was no other option for me and my mental health.

It was fantastic experience.

Congratulations

I do understand. It is very early days and you will naturally feel traumatised and not even able to contemplate going through it again. I've felt the same. Twice.

First birth: My waters broke at 41 weeks exactly at 6am. Went to hospital as I was worried about movements and they found meconium in the waters, so I was immediately hooked up to the drip to be induced. Contractions started a couple of hours later and were HORRENDOUS from the very start. I had gas and air and diamorphine for the first 12 hours but couldn't cope after that so asked for an epidural. Unfortunately it didn't work. After 20 hours of intensely painful labour I had had all the diamorphine I was allowed and the gas and air was making me vomit so spent the next 9 hours with no pain relief, I actually wanted to die at this point, no exaggeration. During this whole period the consultants were in and out as DD1's heart rate was dropping with contractions. Eventually, after 29 hours they decided I needed a section (I'd been saying this for hours as I just felt something wasn't right). Thankfully she was born safe and well by EMCS which I am immensely thankful for but the whole birth experience was very traumatising.

But.... I did it again, 18 months later. Attempted a VBAC. Contractions started at about 3am at 40+3. They got intense quite quickly so went straight to hospital and onto delivery. My waters broke and there was a smell so they took my temp and it was through the roof and turns out I had a uterine infection. Rushed into theatre for second EMCS. DD2 had also contracted infection and we were both very poorly and DD2 needed IV antibiotics for 5 days and I was poorly for weeks afterwards and took a long time to recover.

3.5 years later (4 weeks ago) I had DS1 by elective section and, although still surgery, was an amazing experience compared to the first two births. It was calm and I got to hold him straight away and do skin to skin. Despite being my third section recovery has been smooth and I'm feeling great (despite lack of sleep)

for you OP. I do hope you recover soon, physically and emotionally xx

No, but because my husband was so traumatised, not me. I forgot how bad it was on the whole after about a year, but for him it is still fresh hell.
I do remember him crying in the delivery room, but not why if you see what I mean. (Both child and I came out of it OK in the end btw!)

I think women are programmed to forget/blur the worst or noone would have more children.