How do you dispose of sanitary protection?

[BinkBear]

Wondering what people do when it’s their time of the month and they need to dispose of protection? DH is complaining about me wrapping mine in loo roll then in one of those little scented plastic bags and popping it in the kitchen bin (indoors). He insists it has to go straight in the outdoor bin. Even if I’m naked and it’s 1am and it’s raining. I think he’s batshit and there’s no reason I can’t pop it in the indoor bin and take the bin bag out in the morning. AIBU?

You and he need to deal with his responses so that your child doesn’t suffer
I’m concerned about this. The problem is that he insists there’s nothing wrong with him - he thinks I’m the one who is BU and I’m disgusting. He won’t seek help because he thinks his behaviour is normal. If it continues I will leave him.

@mathanxiety thanks

Gotmybigbootson - so sorry for your loss

Hope the physical side of things at least calms down for you soon. I've had 2 and personally felt the physical reminders were really tough to deal with.

Agree with boots, he is far more likely to listen if it comes from a caring partner, not getting thrown out.

gotmybigbootson so sorry for you loss.

Ugh. I feel so bad for you op. I insisted it was normal too. I put Dh and I through hell.

If he really won't listen maybe you do need some distance.

Gotmybigbootson unfortunately recently there's been several threads recently where many posters seem to think it's acceptable to dump an otherwise loving partner/spouse because they're suffering from a mental illness, even on one apparently it's justification for the well partner to cheat!!

Totally disgusting prejudiced attitudes which despite myself and others reporting have been left to stand!

I have an exH who suffers from at least one personality disorder that expressed itself in abusive behaviour. He also suffered from depression, but according to him, the root cause of all of our problems was me.

We all felt hugely relieved when he finally left and the DCs and I began the huge job of unpicking the massive damage he did to all of us. One DC has been diagnosed with PTSD.

Nobody has the right to inflict that sort of damage on others just because they happen to be related.

Thank you so much @Italiangreyhound and @Graphista I'm getting there. Angry more than anything. Sorry hijack your thread op!

I've got OCD but I don't worry too much about blood, any more than I would worry about anything else!

My periods are a distant memory! Thankfully. But they are not so for dd.

We have a bin in the bathroom.

I cannot imagine taking things to the outdoor bin.

But I also would not put bathroom waste in the kitchen bin. And yes I would be totally the same about nappies or anything like that, that's why we have a bin in the bathroom.

I totally get that @mathanxiety

Honestly, my ocd and anxiety was so bad I wouldn't have blamed Dh if he did leave.

I couldn't let anyone hold ds for months.

I didn't let him out of my sight for months, I even pooped with him on my lap.

If Dh coughed or touched his face I'd break out in hysterical tears.

I would bleach light switches and door knobs after people came to the house.

Op, if he's great in other aspects of your life I'd urge to to help him through this. But you need to make him deal with it, having a parent with OCD can be extremely damaging.

He has kicked off and yelled about it because apparently it’s disgusting to take it in the kitchen where the food is.

I could understand this if you were wiping the counter with it. But it’s wrapped in toilet paper, sealed in a bag then that bag is put in the bin which is in a cupboard. Does he think it will burst free of the bag, let itself out of the cupboard, climb up on benches, tapdance around and then rebag itself when it’s had it’s fun.

Seriously this mindset and lying on the couch and crying about it indicates a mental illness. Be that as it may you and your child CANNOT live life tiptoeing around such bizarre behaviour. Sanitary items today, who knows what he will throw into the mix tomorrow. A child should not grow up with this.

Tell him it’s obviously an issue (but his issue not yours and nothing to do with your sanpro) and that he needs to go and have this addressed, this cannot be compromised.

Your husband is a world class arsehole. Even if he does have ocd that is NO excuse for treating you so horribly. Don't put up with this shit.

mathanxiety "It's in a bin with decomposing food waste" Is it? in the UK many places have a separate bin for decomposing food waste, so it may be in a bin that has food wrappers that are not recyclable. And for that reason it may not get changed as often as if all waste were going into the one bin (as it did when I was a child).

I really would not want sanitary waste or nappies in my kitchen bin and I wouldn't expect my husband to leave me over it.

I'm not excusing it. And I'm not saying he does have OCD but I don't think people realise what it's like.

You feel and absolute desperation and terror over certain things.

They revolt and terrify you. Obviously screaming at someone and crying for leaving sanitary waste in bin is ridiculous but at the time, in your mind, it's totally justified. You can't comprehend how they can endanger you and be so disgusting.

OCD isn't just a compulsion to do something or a tic. It manifests in a lot of ways and this is one of them. And it's hell.

Having said that, if someone's life is being made miserable because of it and the person with the issue is refusing to seek help then I wouldn't blame them for thinking of options. Dh needs a knighthood for sticking with me.

Rachelover40 "Get yer man to buy the sanitary wear when he goes shopping.
Periods are a normal, healthy part of life."

I don't really get this line of thinking. Wee and poo are normal, having sex, using condoms, it's all pretty normal but I'd not want that in my kitchen bin either. But then I do have OCD so maybe my response isn't normal.

It was in the bin with food waste and would have been taken out tomorrow. I’d be happy to put it in the bathroom bin but DH won’t allow us to have one because he thinks it’s unhygienic.

BinkBear "It was in the bin with food waste and would have been taken out tomorrow. I’d be happy to put it in the bathroom bin but DH won’t allow us to have one because he thinks it’s unhygienic." Ah OK, sorry, didn't notice that.

Well I think he needs some help here. I'd say just have your own bin in your bedroom (we have a swing top mini bin with a bin liner, might help but my guess is he would find that diffiuclt too. It sounds like it i not all about periods so it's much bigger than that. It's weird what different people feel is odd. DH hates used cotton buds, I hate hearing people clip their toe nails, but neither drives us into a frenzy.

Re "A couple of weeks ago he screamed at me because I wiped a drip of saliva off the baby’s chin with my hand instead of using a muslin cloth. I’m convinced he wasn’t this bad several years ago when we met."

I do think maybe your dh has some issues here and it may be worth exploring them, getting some help. I've had some therapy and although my OCD probably won't ever go away it's certainly totally manageable now.

When dd was little and I was doing nappies I was washing my hands a lot because it worried me, I managed my OCD but my darling husband did get some of it in terms of my door checking! "Have you really locked the door!" Asked lots of times! He did not collude with me, just told me once and that was it. He helped me.

I wonder if your dh needs some help with this. It's not easy admitting you need help and the responses on this thread show there isn't just one answer to what might be a normal way of doing things. But shouting at you etc is not on and he needs to know that.

XX Good luck.

I really feel for you, OP.

Having to deal with someone who won't listen to reason, to loving encouragement, to clear evidence of the issue presented with concern and the hope that a better life for everyone might be possible, someone who continues to blame you, to direct anger and endless criticism at you and make your life utterly miserable, and to inflict damage on children - is incredibly hard.

It's not prejudice, Graphista. Don't judge people who find themselves in painful situations that are completely beyond their control, in which there are children involved. I had children to protect from the rages of a man who could go from pleasant conversation while watching TV together to pounding the walls and screeching at the DCs in less than one minute.

Sometimes someone won't listen and the alternative to making a very, very hard decision is to watch children become collateral damage.

I really would not want sanitary waste or nappies in my kitchen bin and I wouldn't expect my husband to leave me over it.

That is not the heart of the problem though, ItalianGreyhound.

This man screamed at her for wiping the baby's chin with her hand.
He tells her she doesn't clean well enough.
He tells her a bathroom bin is unhygienic.
He insists her menstrual discharge is disgusting, took the sanitary pad (rolled, wrapped and in a bag) out to the outside bin on a pissing wet night and then came in and cried.

She is dealing with someone who will not accept that he has a problem, and wants her to jump through all the hoops he sets out for her instead of getting help for his mental health issue. This is not a man who accepts what his wife is saying, They have clearly gone over the question of a bathroom bin and the question of the SP in the kitchen bin and he will not budge.

Trying to deal with someone who is completely irrational by the two alternatives of (1) dancing around the edicts or (2) by arguing will seriously affect your own mental health eventually

It is impossible for him to control his issue by roping you in as a means of maintaining his equilibrium and managing his anxiety. This is how relationships are killed. It is also how partners end up very damaged.

It is impossible to argue with someone who is irrational.

mathanxiety yes, I do see your point. But I think he needs help. If he cannot recognise an issue that he has then it may be a different matter.

He's being daft. Mine all goes in a bin in the bathroom, don't even wrap it in anything just drop it in (there is a little bag in it and it has a lid). DH cleans the bathrooms so it's normally him who empties it and he doesn't moan at all.

I personally like a bathroom bin with a lid. The step kind that lift up. Nice and sealed and most importantly convenient. You have a baby to take care of. You should not be wasting time disposing of pads or tampons.

It IS prejudice when people are far more likely to suggest leaving an otherwise loving partner/spouse/parent because they're suffering from an illness.

I'm not saying people should put up with abusive or harmful behaviour, and certainly the ill person must seek and engage with the help available (which btw also isn't easy) but to callously dump someone because they're ill is out of order. It wouldn't be suggested if the sick person were suffering from a physical condition that made them angry/upset/frustrated yet repeatedly, especially recently on mn it seems to be becoming acceptable to say ltb if they're mentally ill. Often without even giving them a chance to seek help.