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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you dispose of sanitary protection?

139 replies

BinkBear · 21/11/2018 01:17

Wondering what people do when it’s their time of the month and they need to dispose of protection? DH is complaining about me wrapping mine in loo roll then in one of those little scented plastic bags and popping it in the kitchen bin (indoors). He insists it has to go straight in the outdoor bin. Even if I’m naked and it’s 1am and it’s raining. I think he’s batshit and there’s no reason I can’t pop it in the indoor bin and take the bin bag out in the morning. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
BinkBear · 21/11/2018 02:09

Is he the same about dirty nappies?
Yes. I’m not allowed to put those in the kitchen bin either (in a bag, in another bag, under a lid, in a cupboard). Obviously I take the poopy nappies straight outdoors but he can’t even cope with wet ones being in the indoor bin.

OP posts:
Original poster
BinkBear · 21/11/2018 02:10

Jesus, what was he like when you had a baby??
It was a nice neat c-section. He didn’t look over the curtain.

OP posts:
gotmybigbootson · 21/11/2018 02:11

Anxiety can also present like this sometimes.

Mumtoboy123 · 21/11/2018 02:12

Hmm he didnt seem to mind your period when concieving dc then? No period would have meant no child... id be offended at his behaviour. Having said that, its such an 'out there' response it does seem like something else is a foot here

treaclesoda · 21/11/2018 02:12

If he freaks out about nappies too, at least it's presumably not a misogyny thing, which is at least a start. When i thought it was entirely period related I was Angry on your behalf.

Still, it's very over the top behaviour.

Has he always been like this or has it got worse over time?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2018 02:13

Oh dear. You’ve recently given birth and he’s suffering from possible ocd. That sounds really tough.

I used to put my used pads in the bathroom bin. Dh was fine about them. And he doesn’t do well with blood / gore.

How are you doing?

tildaMa · 21/11/2018 02:19

Does he change the baby? Or is it just your dirty disgusting job?

He needs to learn to cope with this. Possibly with some external help.

Original poster
BinkBear · 21/11/2018 02:20

Has he always been like this or has it got worse over time?
He hasn’t previously been like this about periods because I didn’t use disposable protection until I had a baby. He has always had a problem with hygiene though. Nothing I clean is ever good enough. A couple of weeks ago he screamed at me because I wiped a drip of saliva off the baby’s chin with my hand instead of using a muslin cloth. I’m convinced he wasn’t this bad several years ago when we met.

I asked the question about disposing of sanitary products because he was so hysterical I genuinely wondered if I was BU to wrap it and put in the bin.

OP posts:
tildaMa · 21/11/2018 02:24

He has always had a problem with hygiene though. Nothing I clean is ever good enough.

Does he clean or is that your job too?

gotmybigbootson · 21/11/2018 02:26

He needs to see a doctor or councillor. Now.

I wish somebody had pushed me in that direction sooner rather than letting me put myself and my Dh in to a demented 'clean' hell.

Do you think he'd be receptive to this suggestion?

When I was in the depths of it I wouldn't have been sadly.

AbsLikeThese · 21/11/2018 02:26

What was he like with your lochia?

How old is your baby? I'm guessing a few months if this is regular period.

You should be ok to use your cup now I think. Which is NOT the point, I'm just wondering why it's not ok.

Original poster
BinkBear · 21/11/2018 02:27

How are you doing?
I’m fine. I gave birth months ago. Had no periods because of breastfeeding. They’ve recently returned and for medical reasons I was advised to use external protection to begin with.

Does he change the baby?
Yes, surprisingly he’s ok with that. He’s struggled more with the baby eating solids because he can’t stand him putting his hands in the food and dropping it on the floor. Last night he insisted on cleaning up after the baby ate dinner because if I cleaned up it wouldn’t be good enough.

OP posts:
StoppinBy · 21/11/2018 02:29

Oh, wow, tell him to piss off.

Bet he eats meat and has no issue with meat scraps in the bin or washing the chopping board with animal blood in the sink?

At our house the get wrapped in toilet paper and placed either in the toilet bin (now that we have one) or in the kitchen bin, no extra plastic bag just for them at all though, just into the big rubbish bin bag.

Rachelover40 · 21/11/2018 02:30

What you are doing is fine. The kitchen bin bag presumably is put in the dustbin during the day, you can't be running around outside all the time. The other thing is putting them in bathroom bin and doing the same.

Tell your partner to mind his own. He doesn't know what it is like to have periods. Imagine how it was in days gone by and never mentioned? Shudder.

Gotmybigbootson, so sorry. Look after yourself, bless. Flowers

My child saw my menstruation when he was little. I remember being in supermarket and him pointing out sanitary wear on the shelf, saying, "That's what mummy uses when her bum's bleeding".

Step 1: Get yer man to buy the sanitary wear when he goes shopping.
Periods are a normal, healthy part of life.

Rachelover40 · 21/11/2018 02:30

or should it be 'sanitary ware'?

ThatWouldBeNO · 21/11/2018 02:32

What is going to happen when the baby vomits/projectile poos/is snotty from a cold/dribbles/etc......?

What about when baby is a bit older and smears food/poo (mine never has thank goodness, butI know it happens)/finger paints/empties cupboards/tips over pot plants/eats dirt/etc......?

You and he need to deal with his responses so that your child doesn’t suffer. I have had to manage my OCD regarding these types of things as it wouldn’t have been fair on my child.....

ThatWouldBeNO · 21/11/2018 02:34

Cross post with OP regarding nappies, food, etc. Sorry!

Original poster
BinkBear · 21/11/2018 02:34

What was he like with your lochia?
He didn’t complain. I don’t know if he was upset without saying anything. But seems very upset now that it’s technically a period.

You should be ok to use your cup now I think
Yes probably. I’m still a bit nervous about it after being manhandled down there during the birth. I felt happier using external protection for a while - until this behaviour tonight.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 21/11/2018 02:34

Tell him to move out until he gets seen by a psychiatrist and gets handle on this.

No ifs or buts.

Screaming at you for wiping the baby's chin is intolerable.
The sanitary protection anxiety is completely irrational. It's in a bin with decomposing food waste Hmm

How handy to have you to scream at when he is feeling so anxious, and to have you to criticise for not cleaning up well enough.

Please, give him an ultimatum. Stick to it.

mathanxiety · 21/11/2018 02:35

Gotmybigbootson Flowers

snitzelvoncrumb · 21/11/2018 02:36

I think you need to find some help for him. You can't live like that. My husband gets upset about nappies not going straight to the outside bin. I ask him to take them out if he is there, otherwise I use the nappy bin in the laundry. Maybe talk to him about it when he isn't upset, see if he will compromise in some way. Otherwise just put them in the kitchen bin when he isn't in the room.

tildaMa · 21/11/2018 02:36

@gotmybigbootson

Now with a bit more information it does seem likely.
Sorry you have to deal with it. Hope you're getting the help you need.

OP, he needs help too.

Graphista · 21/11/2018 02:37

I'm also dx OCD and was particularly bad after having dd. Not re "her" germs more paranoia about her getting sick/dying if certain things weren't kept clean enough.

My hv spotted what was going on and was very helpful but I (wrongly) didn't go and get the proper help until years later when basically it got to a point I had no choice.

BUT that doesn't excuse him taking it out on you. He HAS to go to dr and be completely honest and get (hopefully, I'm still really struggling) the help he needs. Completely unacceptable not to do so.

None of you can continue like this. It's not practical and it's not healthy.

gotmybigbootson · 21/11/2018 02:38

Move out until he's seen by a psychiatrist?!

I'm glad my Dh was kind and loving with me and didn't kick me out of my home when I was suffering from my own personal mental hell.

I'm not saying put up with it op, as pp said, it's his job to sort it out so he can cope with the mess and chaos of childhood but Jesus, some people on this thread clearly haven't suffered or had a loved one suffer from similar. Severely lacking in empathy.

mathanxiety · 21/11/2018 02:38

And to answer your question, it goes in the little bathroom pedal bin rolled up and wrapped in TP.

Please don't tell us that you are deep down wondering if your DH could be right that this is disgusting?

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