Help me word an email to the school that isn't full of expletives please.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I know I can do better that 'For fuck's sake, you petty-minded bunch of cunts', of course...

DS got a day in inclusion (ie isolation) because of his shoes. They are, admittedly, not quite regulation shoes, though they are plain black - but he was wearing them because his normal school shoes were discovered to have a fucking great hole in on Sunday evening. He wore the not-quite-right shoes yesterday and there was no problem - I got home from work too late to take him shoe-shopping as my shift overran - but I got a phone call at work this morning saying they were 'unacceptable' and he would either be sent home or have to spend the day in inclusion. I was halfway up the M4 at the time. I explained the reason and that we were going to buy a new pair tomorrow (because I wouldn't be home till 7pm), but they said if he didn't have proper shoes in the morning it would be the same thing again.
Mercifully our nearest Sainsburys is open till 10pm and is one of those big enough to have a clothing and footwear department, so we have actually got new shoes, but what the fuck is the point of taking a well-behaved kid out of class for the day when he's only wearing not-quite-right shoes for a perfectly good reason.

you
Some places can be unreasonable.
But what people have to remember is that disgruntled people are louder than people who are happy and content and getting on.

If you judged education by MN then you'd quickly be under the impression:
Most families have to work out if grammar or private is best
It's normal to base your number of children on how many sets of fees you can
Tutoring from 7 is normal if you want your child to do well in life
Loads of children are outstandingly gifted and need to be working 5 years ahead
Teachers hate bright children
Any academy must be a terrible soulless place that hates children
Uniform is the worst thing on earth
Expecting students to wear uniform properly is some sort of power fantasy by a head teacher
State schools expecting students to follow rules is trying to remove individuality and then children into robots who'll obey without questioning
It's acceptable for a child to disrupt learning by arguing back and being defiant if they don't like a rule or think it's stupid because being polite and getting on is obviously crushing the little cherbub' s spirit.

Reality is that most children are in totally normal, reasonable schools where schools have rules, parents and children follow them, if there are issues then everyone applies a spot of common sense, if someone needs trainers for a week then a note suffices etc. But you don't get threads written by people who have a straightforward experience of school and people with a common sense of experience of school will probably not bother replying on angry school threads because they know they'll be accused to worshiping teachers.

A note for a uniform issue is usually the quickest and simplest solution.

Maisy I agree with most of what you said and also agree with you in general in most of what you say re education.

However the reality is that there is an increasing number of schools adopting the zero tolerance approach with isolation booths used for pupils who forget a pen etc.
I agree it's probably not the majority but it's an alarming increase in schools and is having a devastating effect on certain groups of society.

I only know this as I'm in a number of send groups and that's one group who are being affected massively. Especially all the tracking, eye contact and speaking loudly/clearly etc.

I certainly don't disagree with the rules - it's the no context way they are applied and the effects of this that concerns me.

In the case the OP has clearly stated the school wouldn't accept her explanation and other posters have said even with medical evidence the kids have been punished.

Agree it's not majority and it will be a skewed bias on here as those with negative experiences will post. But imo even 1 case of this happening is 1 too many and shows a dangerous precedent that can be set by schools to treat children in this way.

youarenotkiddingme
I find the new wave of super discipline 0-60 schools concerning.
Some of their principles are good in my opinion (e.g. expecting students to pay attention, silent working means silent working, not tolerating lesson disruption), but others seem to be more about sending a message of 'aren't we strict?'

Usually is not always though.

All that is required, is that people apply some common sense to the rules.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/mental-health-children-uk-school-isolation-punishment-consequence-booths-education-a8423531.html

A note for a uniform issue is usually the quickest and simplest solution

Friends child lost his jumper. Navy blue V neck jumper with school logo from school retailer.

Came back from work late at night and realised he needed a jumper for school the next day.

She nipped to the local 24hour Supermarket and bought him the exact same colour blue jumper but obviously with no logo.

She wrote him a note saying he hadn’t been able to find the jumper the previous day but if it hadn’t been picked up and put in lost property then she would order him a new jumper that day. (New jumper £35).

Email back from HT was along the lines of

“If you are finding it difficult to adhere to our uniform policy then maybe another school might be more suitable for you and your Ds”

Ds had never been in trouble at all and was a top student always in the top 5 in exams.

The thing is if she hadn’t written the note he could have just buttoned up his blazer and no one would have been non the wiser.

I posted on this subject back in September and was told that my ds is a little shit and I am "one of those" parents.

My son gets put in isolation regularly for the pettiest reasons. Yesterday it was because he held a book by its corner instead of picking it up properly. You can't make this shit up.
Now it's everywhere: BBC's panorama and Jeremy Vine to name just two and I've since been told that this policy is countrywide. It's disgusting.

Sorry, I meant to say other mumnetters called me and my son this.

oliver
You can go through "yeah but..." stories as much as you like. I've already said some schools can be unreasonable (It's why I won't work in some).

But the vast majority of schools, teachers, parents and students are getting by on good old fashioned common sense. The thing is most people who are just getting on don't go on MN complaining and making sweeping statements about state education being designed to remove individuality and explain any policy they don't like as being the academy boogieman.

But it’s the unreasonable schools I have a problem with, not the reasonable ones! As to why in haven’t contacted them directly, if I had kids in them I absolutely would and would be ignored.

MaisyPops although I often don't agree with you, you have always come across to me as the sort of old-school teacher who has a sense of humour and an affection for your pupils, and the ability to apply common sense and discretion. The new wave of Heads/SLT/teachers who are dominating schools like the one my DC attend are NOTHING like you. They cultivate no relationships with students, they are punitive, inflexible and hostile. They don't teach, they deliver the curriculum. The regime within school is unbearable for everyone and the students are miserable.

I can't bloody wait for mine to leave, which is a great shame, as they are both keen learners, academic and loved school until this new nonsense took over.

YY Greensleeves.

CAMPAIGN THREAD HERE.

Ok, if people are interested I have started a thread in petitions. Seemed a bit weird to not be in campaign but thought I had better follow the rules and use the advice MN gavr me which was to put it in petitions.

Apologies as I did try to think of a snazzy OP and just couldn’t manage it.

Please comment on the thread if interested, or of course if you have any feelings either way.

Greensleeves
I think you've probably summed my teaching up. I'm also known to be quite vocal behind closed doors if I don't agree with SLT.

The lack of relationships is where these new types of leaders are going wrong.
In my experience it is the strict teachers who are respected (as in genuinely respected, not MN hyperbole of cowering in fear) and the lax ones are spoken of poorly or are liked but nobody is happy if you get them for GCSE. But, and it's a big but, the respect comes from the fact that students know the strict staff care. We're never their best mates but they know whatever happens we are there to mop up tears, give them a pep talk, give them a metaphorical kick up the arse. Strict without warmth doesn't work.

Contrary to some on MN, students do actually like routine and rules and knowing where they stand (which is why I think some of those schools have some good ideas), but they only really buy into it if they believe you care.

Some of these super strict places could probably do with thinking about their priorities or changing how they do things. E.g. yes uniform has to be worn properly, but why use isolation when you can get a quicker result by being a broken record? (I see students tucking their shirts in across the yard walking to my lesson because they just know I'll make them do it). I have put students in isolation for uniform but that's been uniform plus rude attitude and defiance.

In this particular instance, the pupil has to take responsibility for all of this. Massive holes dont appear in your shoes overnight. He would have seen it appearing and probably ignored it for days or weeks. All he had to do was tell his parents so they had time to get new shoes, he didn't. Spending a few days in inclusion should teach him a lesson to be more aware of his responsibilities.

If you allow one boy to ignore the uniform policy then you have to allow they all to ignore the policy. You have to take the rough with the smooth, you cant just expect your own PFB to be exempt from rules.

Green sleeves. Totally agree with you re maisy. And sometimes teachers will have opinions we don't agree with but when they show affection and concern for our children and explain rationale you can see it's come from a good place - not just from a draconian rule - just because they can.

There's a prime example above about response from HT about not being able to adhere to rules over a lost jumper. It's non sensical and all about power rather than realities of life. To me - a better reply form HT would have been "Thankyou for going out so late to ensure your ds kept within school uniform rules within parameters available to you. Let's give it a week and see if it turns up. If your ds does his blazer up it'll be fine".
That will form a relationship of mutual respect and will benefit pupil and school far more.

ODFOD Walkingdeadfangirl You are talking wet.

MaisyPops unfortunately I know different people who have children in different schools but the adherence to the rules is the same.

Walkingdeadfangirl Whilst in this instance you say it should not have happened what about a child who can’t actually wear school shoes because of a medical issue.

I wonder when a HT is going to put a legless pupil in isolation until they can come to school in correct shoes.

If they can do this when a pupil has broken their ankle and in a big boot I don’t think it is that huge a leap.

Oliversmumsarmy
Of course any child with a doctors note should be exempt. I am not sure I believe some of the posts on here saying heads ignore them.

As a parent with a child who has additional needs I would have loved to be able to write a note and excuse them from PE. Sadly school said no, but with hindsight I have to admit they were right and it probably worked out for the best.

If anyone on here is a secondary governor please, please challenge the senior leaders of your school about what appropriate authority looks like, how they are modelling kindness, how they are ensuring children’s wellbeing. If they don’t give satisfactory answers say so bluntly! You have an extraordinary amount of power to change things even if HT makes you feel otherwise. What evidence is there that internal exclusions don’t damage children’s mental health? If HT can’t cite any say they obviously must be postponed until such time as he/she has actually considered their wellbeing and reports back to the governors satisfaction including alternatives. Get robust people! We don’t want a society based on a bad day on the apprentice.

Uniforms and style rules exist to prevent bullying, elitism and wealth shaming . It can prevent anti social behaviour around schools , it creates a sense of belonging. Many careers require some form of uniform or dress and style code , and this is an introduction to managing this kind of rule.

So how do you account for the fact that thousands of schools around the world achieve all of that without uniform, and thus manage also to save themselves hours and hours in wasted teacher time faffing about trying to enforce uniform rules?

Uniforms and style rules exist to prevent bullying, elitism and wealth shaming

Right, but all of those normal, teenage traits then just come out in even more sinister ways. It's not like they disappear with a uniform code.

FYI - outside of academies, it's parents who want uniforms

Parents who want uniforms generally want cheap, sensible uniforms and uniform policies that are applied sensibly. I find it very difficult to believe that parents generally want rigid uniform policies that result in their children being punished because school staff aren't allowed any element of discretion or common sense.

Nobody want their child staring at a blank wall all day (which is what isolation involves in many schools) because their socks are the wrong colour. Even parents who want uniform (and I'd be interested to know statistics on that) don't want that sort of insanity.

I live in Germany
No school uniforms here
No rules about clothing except
that they must be appropriate for the weather and not interfere with learning or mobility

The education system produces better results, if anything, than the UK system
Many other European countries also do fine without uniforms

Uniforms are a strange British obsesson, which just makes life more expensive for parents and add unnecessary stress for all

British kids are consistently rated as some of the unhappiest in the West, probably to do with all the unnecessary pressures heaped on them - uniform fascism being one such.

www.theguardian.com/society/2016/may/13/sacked-childrens-mental-health-tzar-natasha-devon-i-was-proper-angry