Help me word an email to the school that isn't full of expletives please.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I know I can do better that 'For fuck's sake, you petty-minded bunch of cunts', of course...

DS got a day in inclusion (ie isolation) because of his shoes. They are, admittedly, not quite regulation shoes, though they are plain black - but he was wearing them because his normal school shoes were discovered to have a fucking great hole in on Sunday evening. He wore the not-quite-right shoes yesterday and there was no problem - I got home from work too late to take him shoe-shopping as my shift overran - but I got a phone call at work this morning saying they were 'unacceptable' and he would either be sent home or have to spend the day in inclusion. I was halfway up the M4 at the time. I explained the reason and that we were going to buy a new pair tomorrow (because I wouldn't be home till 7pm), but they said if he didn't have proper shoes in the morning it would be the same thing again.
Mercifully our nearest Sainsburys is open till 10pm and is one of those big enough to have a clothing and footwear department, so we have actually got new shoes, but what the fuck is the point of taking a well-behaved kid out of class for the day when he's only wearing not-quite-right shoes for a perfectly good reason.

@elephantoverthehill I have worked in a school where notifying the school in advance made absolutely NO difference. It was the end of term and the mother wasn’t prepared to buy a new pair of shoes for a couple of days before the summer break, (due to the speed the son was growing at!) which I felt was perfectly reasonable and justified, heads of year disagreed! Isolation awaited.

Our school will lend 'regulation' shoes IF the parent writes a note to say why their child hasn't got proper shoes. But they will only do this for 48 hrs.
Had to do this when DD2 shoe fell apart!

Frankly, I think it's much better and more important to teach children that a lot of rules are bullshit, and that any rule should be examined before being unquestioningly obeyed.

Do you exceed the speed limit, drive on pavements and park where you like? Do you leave cafes without paying and turn up at work when you feel like it too? Rules are the way we set common expectations about what our society thinks is acceptable and unacceptable. Rules are what keep us safe.

I understand that you (and me) don't agree with every rule there is, but without people obeying rules, society would fall apart in anarchy. You don't get to choose which rules you follow and which you don't. You might not like it, but your son is learning a valuable lesson about how reasonable people live in society. Prisons are full of people who thought the rules didn't apply to them.

YANBU.
I can't believe schools these days.
He's effectively being punished for things out of his and your control.
Since when did uniform become more important than education???
Isolation ffs.

Schools are becoming less like schools and more like army camps.
I left school in 1996 and my generation if you came in the something against uniform rules you were told off and told to wear the proper uniform the next day. You certainly didn't get deprived of a day of your education for it.
Get writing that letter to the governors sharpish.

Jaxhog,

If we didn't questions rules women wonder still be allowed to vote, death purely accepted, etc. We have to question rules all the time and in this case I think the rule per se is not that bad, but the punishment for is disproportionate.

• death penalty

Yes, it's a fast road from the wrong sort of waterproof black shoes to FUCKING ALL OUT ANARCHY

greensleeves that sounds horrendous - it is a human rights issue. I would be kicking up merry hell if I was you. That is child abuse.

My DCs school doesn’t have a uniform (only rule is no football tops) it’s one of the top academic schools in the city. The other top secondary in the city has very straightforward rules- any black trousers, including jeans, or black skirt, any white shirt, any black jumper or school hoody, and any black shoes, including (shock, horror) trainers. Lack of uniforms don’t appear to be harming their pupils!

@Jaxhog
There's rules and there's laws.

Rules about school shoes are pretty much arbitrary and aren't much about people other than those wearing them.

Unlike driving on pavements or paying bills, which affect other people.

Imagine not being allowed by law to wear anything other than court shoes. In black.

I think half the issue is differing schools all stating identical things on uniform policies - yet meaning different things and then not happy with interpretation of parents.

Eg. All 5 local secondaries to me state clearly "plain black leather or leather loom shoes. No trainers. No heels above 2.5cm, no open toes or sling backs. No boots."

Most parents have bought black leather lace up converse or brogues for their girls.
1 school then said leather lace up converse weren't acceptable. 4 accept them.

Because of the way catchments cross over here and schools are only 1.5-2 miles apart 5 kids in 1 street have the same shoes and same policy - yet 1 got isolated for wearing the same as her friends to school

Good point lewji wasn't there a recent case about this?

@Lweji - all a bit North Korean, isn't it - with official haircuts etc.

Who are they punishing? You or your child? Ridiculous yanbu

@AllTakenSoRubbishUsername Tue 20-Nov-18 22:31:49

"This uniform police mentality in schools is getting totally OTT. Imagine being told at work that you would be sent home because your plain black shoes don't quite fit the bill (how could they not??) "

Didn't you see the story about Nicola Thorpe who was sent home from work because her flat black shoes didn't fit the company's "heels" policy.

She felt so strongly about it she started a petition and it was debated in parliament and they held an inquiry.

Back to the OP - I would have sent my son to school wearing his non uniform shoes but with the others in his bag to change into once he got inside the building where there was no danger of him getting wet feet.

Don't forget your plain black nondesigner coats now, will you?

The problem with sending in spare shoes in bags / coats to be taken off at doors etc, is that you imagine there's somewhere for all these drenched, dripping wet clothes to go, right?

No.

A lot of academies have no cloakrooms, and no lockers. I'm not kidding.

The pupils have to drag their already heavy book bags, their wet clothes, and any spare shoes, plus PE kit, drama clothes, etc, round from class to class all day. It never gets dry.

Sometimes they are explicitly told it has to go under their chairs, not hung on their chairs ever .

What 'work' exactly is this training them for?

Thanks @HellenaDove. Very informative. It seems parents are given no choice.

I meant @HelenaDove. Don't know where the extra l came from.

This is all very interesting reading. I think some of the situations on here are ridiculous. There needs to be less focuse on petty shite and more focus on learning.

FWIW, l work in one of the top 10 state schools in England. It’s Ofsted outstanding.

We have a uniform. Sweatshirts need a logo, nothing else does. All black shoes/ or trainers. No blazers, no ties. Tailored black shorts permitted. Leggings are allowed under skirts. Kids with broken shoes or non uniform shoes for a reason, are just given a note.

We have no isolation room.

It works.

@Soontobe60
And for those of you listing all sorts of horrors your own children have to tolerate in their schools, if yo feel so strongly, then change schools! It's not the bloody schools fault if a child has special needs, particularly mental health issues. Most of these children in particular have mental health needs that stem from early life experiences. Stop blaming schools!

Changing schools, not always as simple as some people make out, why is that so hard to grasp? And I will blame schools, as my own mental health issues that continue as an adult were started when I was in secondary school! Although I think you're talking out of your arse, mental illness can also be genetic, or chemical imbalances in the brain or a myriad of different things, doesn't have to be linked to a child's early life.
SEN and mental health issue aren't the kids' fault either, so why the hell should they be penalised? If schools aren't supporting them properly then it needs to be addressed.

I've not read the thread but it's this sort of behaviour from the the school that undermines it's authority because it's non sensical.

I like uniform. I'm all for uniform rules but this is too far, this is not something any sane person can adhere too.

It makes feel like rebelling.

It's the sort of petty mindlessness that's turns good obedient compliant parents and dc bad. And justly so.

And yet many schools can't get a handle on bullying...

I have been a parent governor, and I have seen first-hand how we became utterly superfluous when the academy chain came calling.

There was a consultation. Majority of parents and staff against it. LA definitely not pro-chain. The Chair & Head went ahead anyway.

DS chose to attend a sixth form college for A levels. Most of his friends did too, funnily enough. Including the ones doing degrees, and in full-time work.

At that school there is now a single uniform supplier that isn't even in our city. The clothes are expensive andP&P is overpriced.

It's happening all over England. I don't know about the other countries of the UK though.

My sons secondary academy caused his MH issues. He has ASD and their total inability to actually meet needs because of their total belief they had "expertise in ASD" (they'd been on a training course and therefore had a generic approach) caused him to deteriorate.

He's in another Ms secondary. Same type of placement - MH repaired (autism still there obviously!) - and no need for generic approach via training course. Just to meet his needs.

And changing schools isn't easy. When I wanted ds moved due to damage of MH nowhere had spaces and la told me it's my responsibility to sort SEN support with school. We were 'lucky' to get him moved via a managed move. Although ds needed to be assaulted in class by a pupil with a knife and attempt suicide to get that 'luxury'.

New school has rules. Applied fairly and sensibly. They are also open to discussion.