What is the worst advice someone has ever given you?

[abacucat]

I was told as a young adult to put butter over a bad burn I had got. I ignored it of course.
What about you?

Im a new mum, my little boy is 7 weeks old. My ex partner and i split near the begining of my pregnancy but he attended the scans and appointments. He was due to take on the childcare of our child so i work shifts around his work schedule.

I went into labour and he was with me and was staying with me on the sofa bed. At 2am he left me in labour at my house and then ghosted me, completely ignored my calls and messages. I had no family or closw friends nearby so my family had to travel from 5 hrs away and i nearly ended up giving birth alone.

The day i came out of hospital i saw he had changed his profile pic to him, his two children from another relationship and his wife (from whom he has been separated from for nearly 5 years and is divorcing). Apparently her finding out, i was having a baby prompted her to give him another chance.

Since then his attitude to me and my baby has completely flipped. Hes being unreasonable with money, made me do an dna test before he would pay anything and only saw our baby on the day of the dna test.

He now refuses to contribute to childcare for when i go back to work despite him earning more than double what i do. The childcare for our son is over £1000per month for me to work full time and his maintenance contribution is 400 pcm.

So now i face having to quit my job, go part time, release the equity from my flat or move to be able to make the situation work as he refuses to care physically for our child or contribute financially. Is it me or is this grossly unfair?

@Mummytonoah1

I think you've meant to start a new thread and ended up in this one.

You might need to try again

On my last day of school at 16, by my dad..
"Now you've finished school get yourself a job at the factory down the road"
So glad I didn't listen!

I desperately wanted to take a year out after A levels to study some other subjects, maybe travel a bit. Was completely talked out of it by everyone in my family.

I really regret it now. I probably oilfield have done Physics, but opted for something like PPE. And university would have been a much better experience if I’d grown up a bit first. I was very immature and naive.

Oilfield???? Wouldn’t!!!

I was advised not to buy my flat in 2012 because interest rates were bound to rise imminently, property prices had peaked and I’d end up in negative equity. Went ahead anyway and sold it earlier this year for a £130k profit. I now live in my “forever home” in London, which I would never have been able to afford if I hadn’t bought my flat.

To me by my mum. Don't go abroad with him. He will steal your child and keep him with his family..... dh is from another country but is now British and lived here for 15 years and together 10 of them. Married for 2 of those and 'my child was also his. We are now expecting dc4. Been together feels like 1000 years. Amongst other things from my mother, we at snow no contact.

Put it in a box and lock it away. Spent years doing that and then years in counselling undoing it.

A great one from my mother- " sex will be horrible, it will hurt and you will hate it. But if you want to keep your husband you have to put up with it".

My mother is full of brilliant advice.

Yes, I remember my mum saying something similar about sex, adding "But if you love someone, you don't mind it."

'You're over anxious about your cold sore around your newborn baby. Worst case scenario is he gets a cold sore'.

From my midwife.

llangenith it wouldn't. But my mum advised Vaseline, which is even less likely to help. Nuts.

Sum total of sex education from my mother:

'A penis is a man's bum.'

Thank you, mother. I feel equipped now.

On hearing that my 6'4" husband was smashing me against the wall and beating me up, my mother's advice was " try not to make him so angry".

Good God, speakout. That's deplorable.

Going to Cambridge. Went to an interview, didnt like it, got offered a place, didnt want to take it, got strong armed into it by parents and school (1st person from the school to be offered a place). 'you should go it will be the making of you' and 'if you turn it down you'll regret it for the rest of your life'.

I gave into the pressure, went and hated it, was miserable becane depressed, tried to kill myself and it took me a decade to get myself back on track.

My DC as a newborn, his belly button was red and inflamed. The midwife at the time said to put salt on it, as in just salt

Telling me that I can just get over my mental illness with some herbal tea and a gym membership/yoga. Why didn't I think of that?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

That at the end of your life, you'll look back and think the most important thing in your life was your work.

'Be kind to him'. Said about my ex. I'd managed to keep him at bay for a few months but that advice undid all my good work. He wormed his way back in and it took me five years extricating him financially once I'd remembered why I'd split in the first place.

From my MIL regarding DS2 who is going through assessment for ASD, and already has SENCO input at school:
“There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s just hyper. What you need is something to calm him down so just give him anti-histamines every day”

Yeah. Just what we need to do. Drug him into a drowsy state, that’ll help him become nicely compliant 🙄 She does actually know how difficult his behaviour is when he’s tired, so apart from all the things that are wrong with unnecessarily medicating children, why the hell does she think that’ll actually improve things?

Don't worry about your daughter, there's nothing wrong, it's just a phase, etc - told to me by my GP and primary school but I persevered and in secondary school she was finally diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.

"Put up with your abusive husband for the sake of the children, just live like a single parent and pretend he doesn't exist, that way you won't mind him not lifting a finger." That repeated advice from an older and respected friend kept me unhappily married for ten years longer than I needed to be.

"buy a house- it always gains in the long term"

Bought in 2007, sold in 2017 for a 12% loss..

Busybarbara sounds like you bought in Dublin. Rents in Dublin are worse than mortgage repayments on a 750k semi d in commuter belt!

That all toddlers need in their diet is 'fat!!'