What is the worst advice someone has ever given you?

[abacucat]

I was told as a young adult to put butter over a bad burn I had got. I ignored it of course.
What about you?

I’m not advocating doing something you hate and that you have no interest in.

My nans friend suffered with her nerves, she was 12, she was told by the family doctor to take up smoking!

Don't join the army, it's common. To 18 year old me.

If you think he's the love of your (19 year old) life, marry him.

God, I'm dumb! I have a common streak a mile wide, I'd have loved the army and I hated my idiot husband rather quickly.

You are not depressed you are 18 you have nothing to be depressed about

A senior nurse

Disagree Nettle.
I’ve study engineering and maths and while I loved in as study subjects working was a nightmare. Hated every minute dealing with racist, sexist fuckers.
I worked in oil industry and while I was clearing over 150k on assignments, I hated every minute of it. I started another career now and wish I’d done that sooner. Yes, I have a home and trappings but I could have done that in other jobs.
Why are you thinking childminding is lowly paid? You can make a success out of anything if you want. My friend has 5 nursery schools in the SE and makes great money. She was and is a nursery nurse.

Many of those advices are all about the woman knowing her place and her prospects. Very sad.

Aren’t you contradicting yourself, Henry’smycat ?

You ‘did what you loved’ (engineering). You didn’t go into engineering because you disliked it but thought it would be lucrative. You made the positive choice yourself. Your dislike of working in engineering was a consequence of working with ‘racist, sexist’ people, not your choice of subject.

Are you advocating that women avoid well paid careers because they might encounter objectionable men?

Re your friend who owns five nurseries: that’s a very different prospect to nursery nursing on a low salary. Roles like that are low paid because so many people are available to do them. One of the reasons for that might be that girls are encouraged to ‘do what they love’ rather than think about careers they might enjoy (not ‘love’) that pay much better, and your second post underlines that.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal god that's awful!
I had to take anti depressants otherwise I wouldn't be here.
In a way I envy the people that have no idea. Ignorance is bliss and all that...

No young women are encouraged to do traditionally feminine work. And any work that is seen as women's work is low paid.

My Dad always used to tell me growing up, ‘never worry about money, it will always come from somewhere’. Absolutely terrible advice and my money management is pretty dire as a result!

Those that ask, don't get. Those that don't ask, get.
Usually said when you asked for a biscuit. Doesn't work irl and doesn't even work for biscuits.
After a lifetime of waiting to be offered I have started to ask for stuff. Much simpler

she wishes that she’d studied subjects that she loved rather than subjects she was advised to study because they offered better prospects) because I think that “choose a career that offers good money and prospects even if it’s not your favourite thing” is great advice.

But these are two different things, aren't they - one's about choosing a degree subject and one's about choosing a job. Obviously they're related but they're not the same - and since for most graduate jobs any degree will do, you are best off doing what you're good at, because a better university and a better degree result are more valuable than the subject. This misunderstanding is why you see so many kids (usually from backgrounds where no one can give them good advice on this) think they're going to be city lawyers with a 2:2 law degree from a low ranked university, whereas actually those jobs mostly go to people with 2:1s in non-law degrees from Russell Groups. Similarly a lot of people think that a degree in something like business management is a fool-proof route to success, but again you'd be better off applying for corporate graduate schemes with a degree in geography from the sort of university that doesn't offer business management.

No Nettle. Read my comment. I loved STUDYING engineering and maths. WORKING in that area was hell on Earth for me.

"Friends can let you down. They’re not this perfect support system that is always there."

This is an excellent point. I let a couple of really toxic friendships continue well into my thirties because I bought into a lot of sentimental twaddle about friendship. Eventually, I recognised that I was accepting abusive, controlling behaviour from them that I wouldn't have taken from a partner, and thinking that it was OK because they said that I was their "family" .

abacucat I read your thread title and thought butte on a burn before even opening the thread. I had the same advice and still have a scar.

Bad advice that I've had from my mother includes:

• Don't seek medical help for your suicidal depression because it might ruin your career prospects.
• Women with children shouldn't leave their violent husbands unless the husband does something really bad like hitting the child. Having a mother who has to go to work because she's left your father is worse for kids than growing up witnessing violence between your parents.

LisaSimpson.
I have experience in two different areas. In oil industry, I never saw anyone do any engineering related job, and I was a highflyer in managerial position, that did NOT have an engineering or at least a STEM degree and postgrad. The only irrelevant degrees were a couple of people in HR that had literature degrees but were related to the top offices so they came in through the back door. Finance department was choc full of finance/economics graduates. There was never anyone with a religious studies degree from Oxford but they were people from non-RG uni with physics degrees.
Now, I’m in the interior business, they are many with art degrees but architects/civil engineers and designers are still preferred.

@speakout that makes me feel so sad! I would've done anything to get an offer like that! I hope you're in a career you love now though x

My mum, on counselling during severe depression after trauma: “That’s not helpful. Just lock it all away in your mind and never think about any of it again”.

Also, “don’t go to university, you aren’t capable; get a nice respectable job. Something like a receptionist”. (I listened...but sacked in my shitty job a few years later, went to uni and graduated with a high 2:1).

When my (now ex) husband left me for another woman after years of being emotionally and sexually unavailable (while getting his kicks through casual meet-up websites, despite relationship counselling): “Well, you can’t blame a man for going elsewhere if you’re not giving him what he needs”.

My mum is a fucking DELIGHT.

"Just ignore it and she'll forget all about him."

Said by my MIL about my 3 year old DD when her baby brother died. I ignored the bitch instead.

@TryItAndDieFatLass

Oh what a witch!

I'm so sorry for yours and DD's loss

@Nettletheelf: I 100% agree with you. If I ever have kids I'll be steering them very firmly in the direction of professional / vocational pathways (if they have the aptitude and grades for it). My job is high-stress (but on the flip side, challenging / stimulating), and to path to qualificationw as a bit of a slog but it is phenomenally well paid and unless I become too ill to work, then I'll always have enough money to live very comfortably and to have wonderful holidays, experiences, a lovely house and healthy retirement savings.

I would definitely not be encouraging my kids to do what they love.

Haven't RTFT as this subject has been done to death on MN but my stance is this:

Breastfeeding SHOULD be encouraged and supported, and it is scientific fact that breast is beast, because it is. I chose to FF for various reasons but I have never felt shamed by promotion of BF as I know that it is the better option, and it should be encouraged.

Bugger. Wrong thread

@mnhq can you delete that post please!

Give her another chance, it was only one mistake.

And from my father many years ago, no don't buy shares in IBM, go for British Gas instead. (Actually forced me into that one as I was under 18, my grandad had left me some money in his will and I wanted to invest it)