Dh wanted to go to mils for Xmas dinner when we are suppose to be hosting my dp

[Frustratedchristmasdinner]

Name changed for this but been around the block for years snappedandfarted, penis beaker and so forth. Daily mail can also fuck off if they think they are stealing my thread again!

We have hosted my dp for couple of years due to ill health and a way of saying thankyou for all their help, my df has terminal cancer and thankfully he’s had 2 years since diagnosis but has deteriorated and likely be his last Christmas.

DH wanted to go to in-laws for dinner, last year mil cancelled Christmas and saw no one until the 27th so missed seeing grandkids on Christmas Day. In-laws don’t bother with us or the kids in general but constantly have sils dd.

Dh wanted to go to mils this year, I reluctantly agreed so dh asked her mils and she stated she was thinking of going out for dinner with Sil and her family but was unsure, as fil wasn’t keen and they thought they might stay at home, dh offered to come round and buy the food but mil responded that she was unsure of her plans fair enough. Mil always favoured spending time with Sil and her dc to us. Having speaking to my dh we decided we would host my parents especially for everything they have done for us help and support with the kids and a treat for them.

Dh takes dd round and mil tell dd that Sil has a special kids table for them when they have Christmas dinner at theirs 😕 we already made plans but now dh wants to go there. I think it’s an extremely rude personally to uninvite my parents. Another issue I have is how they treat my ds from a previous relationship, they get him a gift but it’s conaiderably less and so evident when the other two dc are opening his present and he gets one tub of sweets and a card with a tenner in. Mn who’s bu? I feel they only want us to come now because they aren’t going out and Sil is coming with her family.

I think if you have it with your parents every year it’s only fair to go to his this once?!

I think you were wrong to invite your parents when you hadn't confirmed with MIL whether you were seeing them. She said she was unsure of her plans, you should have checked before making other plans.

Therefore you should probably uninvited your parents. Explain the miscommunication and invite them on boxing Day instead.

You can't uninvite people, especially someone with terminal cancer!

Having speaking to my dh we decided we would host my parents especially for everything they have done for us help and support with the kids and a treat for them.

You and you DH made the decision to invite your parents. You shouldn't go back on that, just because MIL has now decided what she wants to do.

Can't you just have dinner with you DPs and then go to MIL afterwards?

Tell your D to tell his mum to fuck off!

Telling a kid anything like that is just emotional blackmail to get you to drop your plans and go to hers. YANBU and your DH needs a wake up call - if he can't see how it might upset his child!

It is too late to change plans now!

I really pity your DH, he seems to be permanently chasing after his mothers attention, good will, time and effort! Mine did much the same until he had his on awakening... and is much happier for having seen that he doesn't need to act like a doormat!

I would stick with having your parents, your MIL was unsure of her plans, so you made your own plans. job done!

'Sorry MIL, you said you were unsure of your plans, and we needed to decide what we were doing'

No way, you dh is being unreasonable. He agreed with you to host your parents.

Does he often go running to his parents when they click their fingers? They clearly weren’t prioritising or considering hosting you till their favoured dc made her decision to go to your IL’s.

Also I wouldn’t go to them if they deliberately make your older dc feel left out. Why would you do that? So he sits like a lemon watching the other kids open expensive gifts. Sod that.

I’m so sorry about your dads diagnosis, spend his last Christmas all together knowing you’re all very loved.

Your dh can pop to his parents if he wants, the kids and you will be better off at yours where one dc is not clearly being left out of the festivities.

Spend one last Christmas with your DF. You made concrete plans with them first, not your fault MIL dithered.

EmUntitled Mil never confirmed any plans even though dh asked her to the first we heard of it was when she spoke to dd.

I'd host my parents, he can spend the day with his parents playing second fiddle without you and the children. You both agreed to host your family, you can't let them down. He's being an arse.

I was prepared to go to mils after dinner but dh wants to go for dinner now, mil and fil often kick us all out about 6 to go to the pub.

DH asked MIL to go to MILs house, but she wasn't sure.

MIL has now arranged to go to SILs house.

SIL has apparently set up a DCs table, which will include your DCs.

But SIL (and MIL) have not yet invited you to SILs house.

Given that MIL was unsure, and specifically, that she wanted to go to SILs house, DH said fine.

DH then agreed for you to invite your DPs - 3rd year running but DFs likely last Christmas and to say Thank you for helping so much.

DH now - having invited DPs - wants to change plans to go to SILs when she hasn't yet asked you.

And where DC1 will be made to feel not part of the family. And MIL will favour SILs DCs anyway.

Hmm, unless I've read those facts wrong from your posts, I'd be inclined to say that as MIL had not wanted you at her house and SIL had not invited you, you have already gone ahead with other plans, with DH's approval. So, no, you won't go to SILs on Christmas Day.

But you might be willing to host another event another day for ILs side of the family. Or you can agree now that you WILL go to ILs next year.

If my parent, or any family member was likely to be seeing their last Christmas, there’s no way I’d spend it anywhere else.

So you didn't actually get an answer from your MIL, but decided to invite your parents anyway and not tell MIL that you were no longer available? I can see why she thought it might still be a possibility, tbh. Awkward.

It's only November.

I think you should have given Mil a deadline of you were going to cancel on her.

And she isn't blackmailing unless she'd already been told you couldn't go

You invited your parents. Your mil hadn't confirmed plans. You shouldn't uninvite your parents with whom you've now made firm arrangements.

You can't uninvite your parents, especially as your father has terminal cancer.
I can't believe that anyone would deny you a last Christmas with him.
Of course nobody knows generally when it will be their last one but it's highly likely for your dad.
If your DH can't accept that then I'd tell him to bugger off to his parents and stay there

I think you need to do whatever would give your dad a lovely Christmas and tell everyone else to sod off. My terminally ill df had a wonderful last Christmas and we still treasure it now. Mil will have plenty of you in future years.

And I certainly wouldn't appreciate the emotional manipulation of MIL telling DD before clearing anything with you and DH as the parents!!

I do think your husband should have told his Mum when you agreed to host your parents.

BiddyPop Sil is going to in-laws now not the other way round but originally they we’re going to book somewhere when dh asked mil what they plans were and offered to go round if they were staying at home.

Last year we had them round on Christmas Eve for a buffet which wasn’t appreciated and a waste of money and time.

Tell him he can go. .
Maybe one way?

He’s now saying he’s going but I told him me and the kids are staying at home.

Christmas causes so many stresses and problems...If it was my Dad who was likely to be spending his potentially last Christmas with us, I'd absolutely spend it with him.
Especially as this was what was agreed initially.

MIL isn't keen and she'd probably be relieved if you don't go to hers. DH is much keener than the ILs are. And you can't uninvite people, especially if this is likely to be dp's last Christmas. Let DH go to his parents on his own, if he wants to.