Dh wanted to go to mils for Xmas dinner when we are suppose to be hosting my dp

[Frustratedchristmasdinner]

Name changed for this but been around the block for years snappedandfarted, penis beaker and so forth. Daily mail can also fuck off if they think they are stealing my thread again!

We have hosted my dp for couple of years due to ill health and a way of saying thankyou for all their help, my df has terminal cancer and thankfully he’s had 2 years since diagnosis but has deteriorated and likely be his last Christmas.

DH wanted to go to in-laws for dinner, last year mil cancelled Christmas and saw no one until the 27th so missed seeing grandkids on Christmas Day. In-laws don’t bother with us or the kids in general but constantly have sils dd.

Dh wanted to go to mils this year, I reluctantly agreed so dh asked her mils and she stated she was thinking of going out for dinner with Sil and her family but was unsure, as fil wasn’t keen and they thought they might stay at home, dh offered to come round and buy the food but mil responded that she was unsure of her plans fair enough. Mil always favoured spending time with Sil and her dc to us. Having speaking to my dh we decided we would host my parents especially for everything they have done for us help and support with the kids and a treat for them.

Dh takes dd round and mil tell dd that Sil has a special kids table for them when they have Christmas dinner at theirs 😕 we already made plans but now dh wants to go there. I think it’s an extremely rude personally to uninvite my parents. Another issue I have is how they treat my ds from a previous relationship, they get him a gift but it’s conaiderably less and so evident when the other two dc are opening his present and he gets one tub of sweets and a card with a tenner in. Mn who’s bu? I feel they only want us to come now because they aren’t going out and Sil is coming with her family.

They were unsure, nothing was set in stone anyway, so you invited your parents, now dh wants to go to his parents, no that would not be happening. It sounds like they don't really want him or your family there over SIL.

It may have been fairer to spend this Christmas with the ILs , but they didn't confirm and now you've made other arrangements. That should be the end of the story. If DH wants to go to his DM, then let him. You are already booked (as he is really).

Your MiL sounds like some of the people I know. They won't commit, then moan when they invite you out, but you've already made other commitments. I understand that some people don't like to plan ahead, but please don't complain when I do.

weve had this
"mum do you want to come to ours"
no emotion "well ill have to check what the bil is doing..."and the invite is accepted or not depdning on what hes doing!well no fuck off then
its the same with "mum could you come and do this for us"
"noooo my words I could walk all that way,or im too weak for that now..."but when the bil is is having a blood delivery for his car " oh darling ill walk 5mils to be there for it whilst you go off to work"
"mum do you want to come round."
"nooo im far to tired today"
text from bil…."just been out to morrisons with mum so don't worry bout shopping for her.
sorry ive totally just kidnapped your thread to vent!
hidesbad daughter.

As an MIL I would be appalled if my child even considered not spending Christmas with the terminally ill parent of their spouse!

can't he go to his parents and you host yours?

If you hadn't known your father was ill and he was told a week before Christmas that it would be his last one, wouldn't your husband be re-arranging everything to accomodate you all being able to be there for him?

If the answer is "no" then I'm sorry but you married a right prick.

Your father's situation trumps everything at this point as far I am concerned. If your in-laws can't see that then they are a bunch of ares-holes as well.

Definitely spend Christmas with your parents, I'm sorry about your dear dad
When my husband was alive Christmas was such a stressful time, I was his second wife and the power struggles between his two (adult with own children) children and ex wife were awful, who was inviting who etc. In the end we gave up trying to host dinner and had open house breakfast which all our family and friends were invited to.

So MIL cancelled Christmas last year and didn't spend the day with any of you. This year DH asked her if you could all go to hers, she said she's thinking of going out for Christmas lunch with his DSis and her family … he offers to come to hers with all the food etc but she's evasive. So you invite your DPs instead. Right? You can't back out on your DPs, MIL had her opportunity and refused to commit. My MIL once invited DH, our DC and I to hers, then about 4 weeks before she got a better offer from her DB and dropped us. Never forgotten that!

Spend the day with your parents, with it maybe being your poor dfs last one, nothing else matters

Piffle11 Pretty much, dh is coming to collect his stuff tonight and will be staying at his mothers. I could speak till I’m blue in the face but he won’t get it apparently it’s all about me and what I want not what he wants.

You must spend the day with your father.
My dad was very ill for a few years, and when we knew it would be his last Christmas there was no way in hell that I was not going to spend it with him. My MIL knew how unwell he was and asked us to go their house for Christmas day ,I politely declined and explained why and I will never forget the look she gave me ( And so what? kind of look) to be honest I couldn't believe she even asked knowing the situation.
My dad never made it to Christmas day sadly and I will never forgive my mil's attitude. Your dad is the most important one in all this.

*Frustratedchristmasdinner Tue 20-Nov-18 15:06:05
Piffle11 Pretty much, dh is coming to collect his stuff tonight and will be staying at his mothers. I could speak till I’m blue in the face but he won’t get it apparently it’s all about me and what I want not what he wants.

He's leaving?

Good grief!

That's a completely different ball game. You did say there were other issues, seems he felt that too!

Deep breath. Let him do the talking - as in don't give him any ammunition to twist everything back on to you. Ask him what his plans are and how/when he will be explaining, seeing you and your child!

Let him go to his mum's. He may get a stark lesson there!

And it will give you time to work out what it is you want out of the relationship, or how you want to get out of it!

I don’t know why this is even up for debate. Your df has terminal cancer and may not be here next Christmas. You have to spend Christmas with him.
It’s obvious that you don’t get on with your MIL and I don’t blame you. The fact that she doesn’t treat your son equally would is terrible.
My brother’s partner has a daughter from a previous relationship and my dm refers to her as her granddaughter. In fact, most people don’t even realise that my dniece is not my brother’s biological child because she is treated the same as all the other children.

Ditto the app, why are you even considering going there - your df is terminally ill, tell you 'd'h and your in laws to fuck off and spend some quality time with your dad.

I think its a very stressful time for you at the moment. Can you compromise on splitting the holiday between his family and your family. Maybe see his family on Christmas eve and yours on Christmas day or the other way around. I think the whole thing stinks but does he spend much time with his family?

As you have stated in your post they don't normally bother with you maybe he is looking forward to actually spending time with them.

Wow he is leaving you over this! Not a nice supportive husband. Your df is terminally ill, and nothing was set in stone. A good husband would totally get it, and understand that. There must be other issues within your marriage, your dh cannot just leave because you want to spend your df last Christmas with him and your mum, especially there was nothing set in stone.

Leave him with his mum, and you spend a nice last Christmas with your df.

I think your do wants to go to his parents because, from what you've said, there are problems in the relationship and he wants to be with his family rather than with yours, who are an extension of you.
As it may be your Dad's s last Christmas, of course you should spend it with him. Go on your own with the children and have a great time.

I told him to leave I’ve just had enough this and him moaning about other stuff has just built up

Oh right, this is the culmination of other things as well. Even if it had not, it is a no brainer, you and the kids spend Christmas with your folks, and he can spend it with his.

Oh! Well that's good. You definitely get time to think about what you want without having to bother about him then!

If h has half an ounce of common sense he will do the same... maybe his DM will be the icing on his cake!

Terminal cancer trumps everything else.
I hate MILs like that.

Spend Christmas with your parents, you'll regret it if you don't.

My father died this year. We couldn't spend Christmas with him as planned due to a sickness bug In my household.
In your shoes I'd spend your fathers last Christmas with him even if it ment I'd pre planned to see the queen. No other person should come ahead of that. You'll never get that back. Don't live to regret it.

Be kind to yourself and if you don't want him back then thats okay. You will be fine.