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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh wanted to go to mils for Xmas dinner when we are suppose to be hosting my dp

110 replies

Frustratedchristmasdinner · 20/11/2018 13:17

Name changed for this but been around the block for years snappedandfarted, penis beaker and so forth. Daily mail can also fuck off if they think they are stealing my thread again!

We have hosted my dp for couple of years due to ill health and a way of saying thankyou for all their help, my df has terminal cancer and thankfully he’s had 2 years since diagnosis but has deteriorated and likely be his last Christmas.

DH wanted to go to in-laws for dinner, last year mil cancelled Christmas and saw no one until the 27th so missed seeing grandkids on Christmas Day. In-laws don’t bother with us or the kids in general but constantly have sils dd.

Dh wanted to go to mils this year, I reluctantly agreed so dh asked her mils and she stated she was thinking of going out for dinner with Sil and her family but was unsure, as fil wasn’t keen and they thought they might stay at home, dh offered to come round and buy the food but mil responded that she was unsure of her plans fair enough. Mil always favoured spending time with Sil and her dc to us. Having speaking to my dh we decided we would host my parents especially for everything they have done for us help and support with the kids and a treat for them.

Dh takes dd round and mil tell dd that Sil has a special kids table for them when they have Christmas dinner at theirs 😕 we already made plans but now dh wants to go there. I think it’s an extremely rude personally to uninvite my parents. Another issue I have is how they treat my ds from a previous relationship, they get him a gift but it’s conaiderably less and so evident when the other two dc are opening his present and he gets one tub of sweets and a card with a tenner in. Mn who’s bu? I feel they only want us to come now because they aren’t going out and Sil is coming with her family.

OP posts:
CaledonianQueen · 20/11/2018 16:29

I am so sorry OP! I hope that your DH going to his DM’s will give you some peace! It can’t help having your DH simmering with resentment/ being an arsehole when you are grieving the upcoming loss of your Father.

Cancer is cruel that way, the grieving starts before they have left. If your DH isn’t there to love and support you now, when you need him most, then he doesn’t deserve you!

AlwaysTryingToHelp · 20/11/2018 16:32

OP last christmas my Aunty wasn't very well, we didn't know exactly what was wrong but having had cancer twice previously we were pretty sure it was back. She and my Uncle never had children so my siblings and I were always like her children in her eyes. We decided to have a large family christmas last year and bring everyone together, there was 18 of us for dinner!! My aunty passed away in February and I can honestly say it was the best christmas I have ever had, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Do what you need to do for yourself. You will only regret it if you don't.

GiBlues · 20/11/2018 16:33

I’m sorry but I’d risk never talking to MIL again to spend what will probably be his last Christmas with my terminally ill father.

That’s something you will never get back and if you don’t spend it making those special memories with your parents and the children with they’re grandparents you’ll always regret it, and if you DH can’t see that then I’d be thinking very hard about your relationship because it would work both ways for example if it were one of his parent terminally ill and I’d arranged to have Christmas dinner with my parents I would cancel straight away.

GiBlues · 20/11/2018 16:34

Actually screw that, my DH would never even consider going to his mums for Christmas if my dad was dying, he would probably invite my parents here for the whole of Christmas himself!

notsureofname · 20/11/2018 16:45

if cannot agree - All stay at individual homes and reconvene next year.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 20/11/2018 16:46

What an arse he is. Well he can bugger off back to be Mummy's second favourite child. I hope he enjoys it.

MumW · 20/11/2018 16:47

If any of my siblings'/siblings-in-laws' DP's parents were celebrating what was to be their last Christmas, I'd be bending over backwards to accomodate their plans and offering to help in any way I could.

Sounds as though this was the last straw.

Have a lovely Christmas with your DF, may you make some beautiful memories.
Flowers

LannieDuck · 20/11/2018 18:15

How long ago was the conversation with MIL where she said she wasn't sure?

If it was earlier this week, I think you were premature inviting your DPs. MIL has spoken to SIL about it and they've come up with a plan which can accommodate everyone (yes MIL was premature telling DGD).

.... but if the conversation with MIL was a month or two ago and she hasn't mentioned it since, that's completely different.

Also, what do you mean by "Having speaking to my dh we decided we would host my parents"? Did DH passively agree without really thinking about it, or was he enthusiastically on board with the switch?

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 20/11/2018 22:16

I agree with fuzzywuzzy whose name I like.

DevonshireCreamTea · 20/11/2018 22:48

I think you should spend it with your father, given his ill health. A cruel person they would be to throw their arse out over it

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