Dh wanted to go to mils for Xmas dinner when we are suppose to be hosting my dp

[Frustratedchristmasdinner]

Name changed for this but been around the block for years snappedandfarted, penis beaker and so forth. Daily mail can also fuck off if they think they are stealing my thread again!

We have hosted my dp for couple of years due to ill health and a way of saying thankyou for all their help, my df has terminal cancer and thankfully he’s had 2 years since diagnosis but has deteriorated and likely be his last Christmas.

DH wanted to go to in-laws for dinner, last year mil cancelled Christmas and saw no one until the 27th so missed seeing grandkids on Christmas Day. In-laws don’t bother with us or the kids in general but constantly have sils dd.

Dh wanted to go to mils this year, I reluctantly agreed so dh asked her mils and she stated she was thinking of going out for dinner with Sil and her family but was unsure, as fil wasn’t keen and they thought they might stay at home, dh offered to come round and buy the food but mil responded that she was unsure of her plans fair enough. Mil always favoured spending time with Sil and her dc to us. Having speaking to my dh we decided we would host my parents especially for everything they have done for us help and support with the kids and a treat for them.

Dh takes dd round and mil tell dd that Sil has a special kids table for them when they have Christmas dinner at theirs 😕 we already made plans but now dh wants to go there. I think it’s an extremely rude personally to uninvite my parents. Another issue I have is how they treat my ds from a previous relationship, they get him a gift but it’s conaiderably less and so evident when the other two dc are opening his present and he gets one tub of sweets and a card with a tenner in. Mn who’s bu? I feel they only want us to come now because they aren’t going out and Sil is coming with her family.

Your df does need to see you this xmas whatever... ask inlaws to dps, travel between them etc. Talk to dh

This is your father's last Christmas - fuck the in laws imo

In that case the OP should have said to MIL that she would be spending this Christmas with her family and not invited her.

But they didn't go as MIL cancelled on them! That WAS her 'turn', she didn't want it!

You have arranged to host your parents. Your father is dying. Your ILs had an option that they didn't care to commit to. I can't believe you're even having this conversation with your dh. I'd go through him for a short-cut. What is going on in his head? Tell him that your existing plans stand, doubly so given your dad's health. I really feel for you even having to try and explain to him why that is the right thing to do.

Frustrated, If you feel ''trapped'' in your marriage....there are options! ..Marriages are bloody hard work, and so many come to grief at Christmas time... Divorce lawyers positively are run off their feet [kerching] in January.
Our marriage went tits up at Christmas..my solicitor said every year it happens, stresses come to a festering head at this time of year.

I'd go through him for a short-cut. I've not heard that in yonks

I'm impressed with the number of posters who can make head and tail of the opening post. Op sounds very bitter in some ways but that is as far as it went.

what about hosting boxing day?

YADNBU. I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with someone who wasn’t bothered about me. She was waiting to see if she got a better offer before agreeing to your plans? Sod that. I can’t believe your DH or PPs are even entertaining this. It’s your DF’s last Christmas, that trumps everything. Of course you should spend it with him. 💐 for you and sorry about your dad

Just be with you dad or you will regret it. Stop trying to please everyone. Let your partner do what he wants. Remember it really is only one day.

Oh well, next year mil will realise the consequences of her dithering actions. She was clearly stalling to see what other options she had available. Now she knows that she is staying home, she has extended an invite your way. Tough really. Stick with your plans and enjoy the time with people who actually want to be with you.

Has nobody noticed that OP and her family were not invited to MILs house? Surely all you do is say "MIL, you didn't make any plans with us so obviously we have made plans of our own". Done

Oh dear!
MIL is a manipulator, isn't she?! Telling DD about it before having an adult conversation!!

Given your partner had agreed to host your DP due to his own DM dithering, it is a bit harsh of him to now expect you to change those plans and uninvite your parents - even without the health issues of your DF (which I am sorry about).

DH needs to explain to his DM that as you/he had asked several times and received no response, that you have made plans with your DP. If he insists on going, I guess you can't stop him, but then that will open the whole question of where the DC go. If it goes that far, he is behaving as though you are separated, and can understand you having thoughts about the future.

Hopefully if he looks at the timeline, he will see that you need to honour the commitment to your own DP.

I think if you have it with your parents every year it’s only fair to go to his this once?!

Given what op says about her dad's ill health I don't think that's fair at all. This is likely to be the last chance she has to spend Christmas with him.

Thankyou everyone for all you’re kind reply’s it’s been hard year for my dp and they always tried to help where they can this is a small kindest to cook them dinner and just be around the people who matter.

I would be with your parents this year mindful of your dc's position. I would also be vary careful about making promises about next year especially if you have no (local?) Siblings as dm could find next Christmas very hard.

DH can do as he wishes. But keep the kids together - especially if they don't want all your dc anyway.

So basically your MIL was hedging her bets not committing to plans with you until your SIL had made her a better offer.

So with the lack of committal from MIL and your DF's health, you made plans to see your parents.

You have made plans - you can't cancel them to go to your MIL's even if you wanted to

Honestly they don't sound very nice anyway and neither does your dh, he clearly didn't lick it off a stone. Let me off, host your kids and parents. You'll have a lovely day won't have to see the in-laws, won't have to see your ds get treated differently, what's not to like.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit You hit the nail on the head

Rachelelover40 I don’t know how it doesn’t make sense but there’s no need to be so rude just don’t comment

I assume your parents are local.

Both you and your dh are digging your heels in. Is there a compromise to be reached? I’d perhaps do the Christmas dinner at mils but limit it to a few hours. If it’s a lunchtime invite, have breakfast with your parents and get them to watch the children opening their presents. They can always come back in the evening. If it’s late lunch, have Christmas brunch. Then host your parents on Boxing Day.

Your df will probably be tired so not spending the entire day with them isn’t going to detract from the magic of Christmas. Just find a way to make sure your parents get the best bits.

Next year you’ll very likely want to host your mum again. So you need a game plan, which works for that and doesn’t start an argument about this year. So my advice really is to try to find a workable compromise.

As for how you approach this in future. Stop asking. Start telling mil what’s happening and inviting her to your house for example. You need a game plan. Right now you’re acting like she’s the senior female and matriarch, who gets to make the decisions.

Spend Christmas with your parents, you don’t want to go to your mil’s so don’t. Your dad is terminally ill so spend it with him, why would you even consider going to your mil’s?

Honestly your DH and his family sound like a right bunch of dicks. I'd jog them all on and have a lovely Christmas with your parents and your kids. Hope your DF enjoys his Christmas with you and I can't believe your DH is being this much of a twat about it -his awful mum could live for another 30 years. This year you and your dad should come first - if he can't see that then honestly I would LTB.

Your father has terminal cancer, it could be his last Christmas with you, spend it with your DP, you will have future years at MILs...

ok firstly your right.The plans have now been made you cant uninvite them.but that without all the other facts now coming about since your dad is with his final year.
so aside from your plans already been made with your parents..if it was my dads now last chrismtas and we were going to mil id expect my dad to love my mum enough to say he would change it and make sure his dad can be with his daughter.and id expect my dh to do the same for me.in my family that would be a given.
and we would try and do something on boxing day or chrismtas eve with mil.
for good ness sakes it is your dads last Christmas tell you dh to have some empathy.
if he goes.go with your kids to your parents.that on him.and it says more about you that your doing this for you dad.

Your parents have to be invited, or invite the, if your DH wants to go to his parents, he can. The circumstances are different and it could be your dad's last Christmas, that trumps everything. I would feel lukewarm about spending christmas with people who favours so obviously.