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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disturbed by this

49 replies

Stuckinabigmuddle · 19/11/2018 15:46

My DS has started a new school (year 1) this September as we moved houses and I've become friends with another mother in the playground. Weekend just gone she invited me over to her house for a brew and a chat as we realised we lived just a few minutes apart. During the time sat in the dining room I'd hear her husband conversing with their teenage daughter, but he was casually swearing to her. Not angry swearing but like, "it was on fucking telly the other day". The teenager is 17 (I know this because the mother mentioned her doing psychology and her A levels).

Maybe she's old enough to hear it but it seemed so casual and she also has 3 younger children and a baby who were in the room and also seemed so blase about it. Clearly the kids will pick up that language and her DS is also in my DSs class and say he drops the F bomb and my DS repeats it?

Not kidding. He swore in every sentence. Hmm Do a lot of people do this?? With young kids?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/11/2018 15:48

Yep some people do.

Eilaianne · 19/11/2018 15:51

there's a difference between swearing a lot and being abusive

from the facts of your story, it sounds like the former, but being "disturbed" by it sounds like there was more to it in tone/attitude..?

so was it abusive or not?

swearing fine (in my family we have games amongst the adults to come up with new funny combinations in different languages Grin) but being abusive not.

Breakyourselfagainstmystones · 19/11/2018 15:52

Some people just swear a lot.

He wasn't aggressive, shouting or threatening, they just do things differently to you. Nothing disturbing about it.

SoyDora · 19/11/2018 15:55

Some people swear a lot. Essentially, it’s just words. I certainly wouldn’t swear in front of my young children but some people don’t see it as a problem.

Original poster
Stuckinabigmuddle · 19/11/2018 15:56

Definitely not abusive, but all her young children were with the husband. I have an odd swear word there myself but it seemed so natural. That's what I found disturbing - toddlers and young children in the same room as he swore every time he spoke.

OP posts:
festivedramallama · 19/11/2018 15:56

It’s just a word, not sure why you’d be disturbed by it.

pontiouspilates · 19/11/2018 15:58

As long as it's not abusive, I wouldn't worry too much. Whether you want your child to hear it is another matter and you may choose to host playdates
at yours if you are concerned that he may pick up on these words.

Goldrain · 19/11/2018 16:00

Your disturbed by swear wordsHmm
I'm more disturbed that you are disturbed by swear wordsConfused

As long as it wasn't in a abusive way, what's the problem it's just words.
I'm sure they have told their dc that children can not say them words.

Original poster
Stuckinabigmuddle · 19/11/2018 16:09

No. It is not the swear words I am disturbed by. Thought it would be obvious what I'm disturbed by.

The youngest was one, oldest child around 9 (aside from teenager). I'd laugh if they actually told their children not to repeat them as they say it so casually in front of them so often. Confused

They'd probably do something like, "pass the fucking bread rolls" at the dining table. And I know the husband used the swear words when talking to his children as I heard him.

The mother honestly seemed embarrassed to hear it. But okay, if families are like that then I accept it.

OP posts:
Fridaydreamer · 19/11/2018 16:14

Ha ha you should try sitting with an Irish family. BIL raised his kids swearing all the time. Simply taught them not to use swear words until they were adults. No big deal to them.

My own DF never bothered about me swearing and used it in every day language. It was never a big deal.

I chose not to swear in front of DD and other children but I have dropped the F bomb on more than one occasion when mad or I simply forgot. DD is mega pious and never ever swears so go figure Grin

MamaLovesMango · 19/11/2018 16:23

They'd probably do something like, "pass the fucking bread rolls" at the dining table

Of course they fucking don’t because it makes no sense to use a swear word in that situation.

Swear words are just words and like all words, they have the power to offend. Surely it’s a much more balanced approach to know that swear words exist but to also know your audience, what’s appropriate and when. It’s probably the case that the 17yo knows swearing in a conversation with her Dad is fine but swearing in a conversation with her teacher isn’t and the younger ones will grow up like that too.

Being ‘disturbed’ is rather OTT....

Ohyesiam · 19/11/2018 16:27

I’m happy with swearing, but not swearing at. My kids grew up hearing swearing, but were asked not to do it, and they didn’t, it worked well. We have examples of other things kids didn’t get to do, like alcohol.
Kids can handle a lot of complexity. So explain to your son.
I understand what sweaty man was doing was different, and maybe they don’t talk to their kids about it. But you an manage your son within it.

BackforGood · 19/11/2018 16:28

Of course they fucking don’t because it makes no sense to use a swear word in that situation.

....... but a lot of people do. They seem to think it is normal to insert a swear word in to every sentence, though it rarely "makes sense to".

OP I wouldn't like it, so I know where you are coming from. There are a lot of people that do speak like that.

On MN, it isn't popular to dislike swearing though.

SoyDora · 19/11/2018 16:30

I don’t particularly like swearing. I wouldn’t find it disturbing though, unless it was done in an abusive way.

MamaLovesMango · 19/11/2018 16:33

Ok the. So what if people do? OP clearly meant it as a judge snipe. It’s a bit pathetic to judge people because they use language differently to you. OPs judges language could be just as offensive.

AamdC · 19/11/2018 16:33

Some peoole do speak like this its all effing this effing that .

MamaLovesMango · 19/11/2018 16:33

That goes for typos too WinkGrin

amilosingitor · 19/11/2018 16:35

I swear a lot. A habit I've tried hard to kick but I struggle. I have young children. None of them swear.

Flippetydip · 19/11/2018 16:35

I get it OP. I wouldn't be happy with that either and would chose not to let my kids round to theirs as they definitely will pick it up.

We have a friend who is a casual swearer too and his daughter has been hauled in (year 1 also) and they've been called in to school about her swearing. He was really cross with his DD about it. I did try and explain the cause and effect of it and he just didn't get it - really thought she should have had the gumption to know when to swear and when not.

They are offensive words - they are designed to offend. I find it very "MN" that everyone bails in and says "they're only words; I find it disturbing you're disturbed". So very liberal but I suspect IRL a lot of people would feel the same as you OP.

doyouneedtoknow · 19/11/2018 16:42

Were you at Danny Dyer's house per chance?

happypoobum · 19/11/2018 16:45

Disturbed?

Fucking hell!

Weebitawks · 19/11/2018 16:46

I swear I front of my kids (never at them) and they don’t swear. Just like I drive a car in front them and they know they’re not meant to do that,

Prettyvase · 19/11/2018 16:52

I am offended by swear words.

They are not swear words if the purpose of using them is not to cause offence or to make a very strong point or to indicate anger or shock/amusement.

If you are no longer offended by them then they are no longer swear words to you.

chipmunkcalling · 19/11/2018 16:55

My 9ther half swears alot, always has done, he tries to tone it down around my son but finds it hard, my sons learnt to take no notice of the swear words, he knows what they are, what they mean and not to use them, I think it's different if you grow up around a parent swearing alot. My mum used to swear alot, especially if she was cooking, still does, my sister and I pretty much never swear, we were raised to not swear until you're an adult.

SheSparkles · 19/11/2018 16:55

I’d be disturbed by a homophobic or racist word but I can’t get wound up about swear words

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