What is it with the assumption that because I am a woman then I must have some good female friend(s) automatically on hand to talk to if I have problems or am worried about something? Newsflash: I don't.
I have autism and I have always struggled to make friends full stop tbh but I especially struggle to make female friends. I am not sure why however I have heard that it is not unusual for women on the spectrum to make and keep female friends. I have literally only ever had one female friend in my life and I certainly have none now. All of my other friends have all been male and somehow I doubt any of them would know wtf to do if I burst into tears in front of them. Not that I've ever done it.
So when I am worried about something or I am on the verge of a panic attack or just need a handheld I don't have anyone to turn to either. I just have to lock myself away and deal with it myself.
I do have a mum and sister I can call but I don't want to bother them and they have problems of their own to deal with.
There have been times I have been locked in the bathroom with a packet of paracetamol or a razor blade on the verge of a panic attack with nobody to turn to except my own little voice telling me that my DS needs me. Or before I had my DS it was my pets that got me through.
Can we please just stop with the assumption that all women have an emotional support network on call? Not only is it not true it is also bloody offensive to those women who don't have one or who want one so desperately but for whatever reason don't have one.
The reason why men aren't supposed to cry or show emotion is because those things are viewed as being feminine traits. And anything female or feminine is still looked at as being lesser than and not as good as traits associated with being male.
There is help for men struggling with mental health issues. There is even a helpline which is for the sole use of men struggling and there is also the Samaritans. There have also been quite a few campaigns in recent years about how it's okay for men to cry and that it's okay to ask for help.
The thing is though, how many of us are talking about this right now but at the same time also doing things and saying things that perpetrate the idea that men shouldn't cry without realising we're doing It?
I have a DS and am currently trying to conceive and I've lost count of the number of people who have told me how glad I must be that I had a boy first so he can 'look after' any little sister he has. I always call them up on it but it amazes me how normal it is for people to say things like how they want a boy first so they can look out for their little sister, stick up for them, etc. This may seem completely innocent and innocuous but it is a small thing that leads into the bigger picture that men should be strong.
How many of us reinforce gender stereotypes and roles without even thinking about It? People say 'boys don't do this, girls don't do that' without thinking about the bigger picture and what it's all feeding into.
I once went off it with DP when he told DS that he should stop crying because boys don't cry. He wasn't trying to be malicious he just said it without thinking. And I see this quite a lot tbh. I actually know someone who told her son off for crying because ' boys don't cry' and then later went on to share that video on Facebook about male suicide and how boys should be taught it's okay to cry. Uh, what. I mean that is so blatant but when called up on it she couldn't see what the problem was.
Do you call people out on it when they insult boys with terms like 'girl', 'pussy', etc? Perhaps if we stopped using girl as an insult then young boys wouldn't feel o inadaquette when they do something 'girly' like have a good cry.
When a little boy is crying do you comfort him and let him cry or do you tell him to stop It?
We aren't going to stop male suicide and make any improvements if we don't stop and consider the things we are doing to enforce gender roles and stereotypes. We aren't going to make any progress if we don't call other people out when they do it.
It doesn't matter how small it seems. Don't dismiss it as something as 'is that all you've got to worry about?' because every little thing always grows into the far bigger picture that we are trying so hard to fix.